Chapter 1: Pepper Inside Marriage

Married to Tunde for three years.

Sometimes, when I wake up for early morning, I dey ask myself how I take land for this kind matter. Three years just dey sound like joke, but marriage fit show person shege. For those quiet hours, my mind dey wander—who go believe say as small as I be, na Tunde, the man everybody dey hail, I marry first?

He dey thirty-five.

For our compound, neighbours dey greet am with respect—“Good morning, oga!”—and security go clear road once he wan drive out him Benz. My friends, once dem see Tunde, dey always talk say he resemble Nollywood actor. Sometimes I go just dey watch as he dey dress for work, the way he dey arrange him tie, hand steady, like person wey never shake for life.

Me, I never even reach twenty-one. I still dey final year for university.

As my classmates dey argue project, me I dey balance assignment with housework. Sometimes, the load too much—like I dey live two lives: student for school, madam for house. If person look me, dem go think say I get am together, but na only me sabi the wahala wey dey boil inside.

I never even decide if I wan be full-time housewife.

My mama, if she call from Enugu, go dey ask if I don settle, if I dey enjoy madam life. I go just laugh, but deep down, the question dey bite me. Small remain make my mother-in-law start to drop hint—say make I quick-born before school go chop all my time.

Then one day, I hear Tunde dey gist with industry big men.

Voice come from him study, door small open, AC dey hum. As I dey pass to carry remote, I hear their yarn. The kind laugh wey dey there na those ones wey dey pepper ear—big men laugh, like say na them own the world.

"Ngozi? Abeg, apart from her being young, wetin she sabi? She no reach Morayo for sense."

Their voices blend like Balogun market gist but Tunde own loud pass. The way he call my name, e be like say I no dey house. As I stand for that corridor, my chest dey beat gbim. Who be Ngozi for their mouth? Na me. Na so my husband dey run my matter for outsiders.

"To be honest, I dey regret this marriage. You know how much e dey cost to maintain small girl? Now if I divorce, wahala go too much."

The other men just dey laugh. One even talk, "Small girl, big wahala! Omo, you for find correct babe wey get sense." I just lock jaw, tears dey fight me, but I hold am. I no go cry for corridor because of Tunde and him yeye friends.

I just turn back and hand am the divorce papers.

My hand shake small, but I hold the envelope tight. For my mind, I dey remember the first time he call me Queen. E shock am, he no believe say I fit move sharp like that. As I drop the envelope for table, my hand still steady. He look up, eyes red, but I just stand—no tears, no shaking. I think say he go beg or talk, but he just dey look the papers like stranger.

When he see the line for the white paper—‘I go leave with nothing’—the guy just release one long sigh, like say dem remove heavy load from him body.

E be like person wey finally drop heavy load for Ojota park after night bus from East. He lean back for chair, rub him head, mouth open small. For that moment, I realize say the only thing wey hold am to me na calculation—no be love.

He come dey form big man, say, "Abeg, make I send you twenty million—take am, no vex."

He talk am as if na pure water, twenty million just dey fly. I look am, my face blank. For this Lagos, money dey matter, but pride dey more. People dey always reason say young wives dey chase money—today, I show say dignity pass alert.

I just smile, shake head. "Abeg, I still dey young. I fit start again."

My voice dey steady, but my heart dey beat like talking drum. For my mind, I dey remind myself, I get plenty life ahead. I no go let Tunde use settlement buy my pride.

He no know say—my brother na king for Abuja social circle, na him dey run things for big men. Na only because of my brother Tunde fit even enter those circles all these years.

This one na secret Tunde never sabi finish. Every time dem invite am for event, na my brother dey arrange table, dey run things. If not, he for dey queue with small boys. Me, I just dey watch the game. Tunde think say na him dey control. He no know say na another person dey pull string.

You wan divorce me? Oga, your own just dey start.

E never know wetin dey wait am. Na today he go understand say, for this Naija, woman fit waka with head high, and na the ones dem dey underrate dey strong pass. The wahala wey Tunde dey fear, e never even begin. I just waka commot, leave am with paper, him regret, and the silence wey remain.