Chapter 3: Clinic Banter and Hidden Scars

Dr. Ebuka pull curtain, adjust him glasses, gesture say: “Lift your shirt, loose your bra.”

The movement sharp, but gentle. My chest don tight; I dey reason if I fit jump window. E no even give room for protest.

I hold my shirt, dey eye am. “You... you wan use style take revenge!”

I dey suspect am, dey shine eye, make e no use my body pay old debt. E dey too calm, but na him own kind wickedness be that.

He put hand for pocket, face still calm. “Miss Ifunanya, one, na you register under my name. Two, I be doctor—na my work. Three, which part I never see?”

He go count the matter like lawyer for court. The confidence sef dey pain me. E dey use big grammar wey dey enter my bone.

Me: ...

My mouth hang for air. I for argue, but he get point. Na him see everything before.

Oya, you win.

I no fit talk again. I bite my lip, breathe deep, unclasp bra, close my eyes, harden my mind. I lift my shirt.

Na so I dey prepare mind. Inside me, I dey sing praise and worship make shame no kill me.

Him hand cold. As e touch my skin, I shiver small.

E be like harmattan breeze enter clinic. My skin shock, my mind scatter. Na so body betray person.

“No fear.”

E yarn am gently, but I just bone. My heart dey run race. Shame dey fight confidence for my mind.

“Who... who dey fear?”

I try form hard girl. I no wan show say e dey shake me. Old love no dey die easy.

“Your heart dey beat like talking drum.”

I for form say e lie, but my own heart beat fit wake dead man for cemetery.

Small smile show for him mouth as he bend down, dey check me serious.

He dey try package himself as doctor, but that smile—na mischief full am.

“You dey feel anything?”

He focus, eye dey serious, but e still dey observe me like say I be research subject.

I turn face, mumble, “No.”

I dey form strong face, but my body no dey cooperate. My pride dey lead me astray.

“No?” He frown, look confused.

He pause, like say result no match expectation. Na so doctor dey behave?

No means no. Dr. Ebuka skill no reach. We don break up, I still dey form for am?

I dey reason if e dey try size me or if na pride dey worry me. Anyway, I no go gree lose guard.

Since I no fit win with body, I go win with mouth.

Na so Naija babe suppose dey. Wetin I no get for body, I go balance for mouth.

Heh, na my skill poor? He look me straight, voice cold and low. “Ifunanya, abeg talk true.”

He dey look me with eye wey fit burn hole for wall. Na so man dey touch my conscience with just voice.

I curse for mind—na you dey touch my conscience so!

My own body dey betray me, but na pride still dey win.

He grip me small. “How about now?”

His touch soft, but question sharp. I dey feel heat for my back.

“E be like say you dey pinch me...”

I bone, eye dey shine. I no wan give am satisfaction say him touch dey move me.

He look up, sigh. “Pain dey?”

He dey do checklist, but na like say e dey tick emotional wound.

“No.”

“E swell?”

I shake head, eye dey avoid am. I no wan break character.

“No.”

“Itch?”

“Oh, yes, but no be here.”

My mouth loose. I sef shock. I wan slap myself.

Me: ...

I wan vanish. Wetin make me talk that one?

“Ebuka, you never do reach?” My face red, I push myself up, almost knack him chin. “You no know whether I sick or not?”

Shame dey burn my cheek. I use shakara cover am. As I stand, my body shake small.

He finally release me, small laugh escape. “For now, nothing dey wrong, but... e really small sha.”

He talk am like final verdict, but laughter still dey back of him voice.

I grit teeth, fire back, “Small chest? Abeg, blame ex-boyfriend wey no dey try.”

I for slap him, but I no get mind. I just dey wish say I fit grow overnight.

Suddenly, he grab my waist, pull me enter him hand. The small scent of Dettol from him coat enter my nose.

That Dettol scent dey remind me of old time for his room, e be like memory dey drag me back. My heart jump.

Him breath heavy, voice low: “So, you wan make I try again? Na the same old trick you dey use?” Him face just dey mock me.

He dey look me like cat wey catch rat. I dey try bone, but body dey betray me.