Chapter 5: Family Showdown and Orange Temptation

Shame dey catch me, I turn face fasten my bra. “Dr. Ebuka, abeg shift. Na my mama book the appointment. I no fit play man twice.”

My hand dey shake. I dey fumble the hook. I dey sweat under AC.

But the bra hook no gree.

As I dey struggle, my finger dey slip. I dey curse small for mind.

He come near, hand sharp, just fasten am.

He do am like pro. The thing shock me. Old memory rush back. For my mind, I dey reason whether na skill or routine.

I shock. He just talk, voice cool: “No need thank me. Practice make perfect.”

He talk am with calm smile, like say na chess he dey play. The confidence dey pain me.

Before, I dey tease am say him hand good—both for scalpel and one-hand bra.

Back then, I dey laugh say if doctor work fail, he fit open bra shop. The joke don catch me now.

I grit teeth, fire back, “Dr. Ebuka, you too dey care—self dey help female patient wear bra.”

I dey try cover shame with mouth. Wetin go save me again?

He just smile small, face still calm. “You welcome. Na my first time see female patient come because her chest small.”

He still dey poke fun, but e package am like medical joke. I dey roll my eye for am.

Me: ...

I no fit answer. I dey plan comeback wey go shame am, but my brain blank.

As I dey plan come back, my mama enter. See my red face, she rush ask, “Dr. Ebuka, my daughter no get sickness abi?”

Her worry no dey finish. She rush me like say ambulance dey on standby.

Dr. Ebuka step back. “Aunty, no worry, nothing do am.”

He talk am with assurance. Mama sigh relief. For her mind, na war end.

My mama sigh relief. “Thank God o... But me and her sister na D cup. Why she just dey A?”

My mama still dey drag matter like generator wire. E be like say na community project.

I hide face for hand.

I dey wish say I fit borrow wing fly away.

“Maybe—” Dr. Ebuka hold laugh, adjust glasses. “She resemble her uncle.”

He try use joke disarm her, but everywhere freeze. Na so some joke dey fall for Naija house.

Everywhere just quiet.

Crickets for room sef dey fear talk.

My mama still no gree. “So nothing fit save my daughter chest?”

She no wan hear say solution no dey. Mama like my own, na full-time job.

“I go advise make she chop pawpaw,” Dr. Ebuka talk, eye dey shine with small play. “Massage go help too. Some women chest fit still grow when dem born pikin dey breastfeed.”

He dey use old mama tactics talk am. Pawpaw don turn breast medicine for Naija house.

My mama slap her leg, eye shine: “I don get am! Make she just find man!” Then she look am, dey shine teeth. “Ebuka, your mama talk say you just break up. Wetin you think of my daughter?”

Na so her matchmaking spirit wake. If to say she get list, she for dey tick my name under Ebuka own.

My brain blank. I rush stop am, whisper, “Mama, abeg no matchmake...”

I dey pray make ground swallow me. This one pass public disgrace.

My mama stamp foot. “I see Dr. Ebuka profile for outside—PhD, associate chief, young, fine! Beta gene for family. If I young, I for try am self. He just break up—na now be the time! Quick, take chance!”

Na so Naija mama dey reason—gene, career, fine face, all join. I dey wonder if she go pay bride price by herself.

“Dr. Ebuka, abeg, make una add una self for WhatsApp. If Ifunanya get problem, she fit ask you.”

She dey use technology dey tie two of us together. If to say she fit, she for snap our picture join.

I try escape, look at my phone, even mouth 'help me' to Ebuka behind my mama back, but my mama sharp—she block my exit like bouncer.

Dr. Ebuka look me. I blink, dey signal am—I don block am.

My face dey send Morse code: abeg, no disgrace me again.

“No wahala,” he say, show him phone QR code. “Miss Ifunanya, scan am yourself.”

He dey use sense catch me for public. No escape again.

I brace myself, scan. Beep. Dr. Ebuka avatar show, but WhatsApp say: ‘Already blocked; you go no get message from this contact.’

I hide phone small. My eye dey roll. Na so embarrassment dey mature person.

“You never send friend request,” he remind me.

He dey do like say na business transaction. I dey feel like EFCC dey monitor my phone.

I grit teeth, quietly remove am from block list. “Done.”

The shame dey pain me, but I gats comply.

He smile, nod. “Okay, I go send medical advice give Miss Ifunanya.”

He dey form professional, but e dey shine eye.

I roll my eye. Wetin be medical advice for small chest?

Inside me, I dey curse my mama for this kind wahala.

Few minutes later, Dr. Ebuka send WhatsApp:

[‘Comprehensive Breast Massage Techniques’ PDF.]

[Proper massage fit help chest develop, prevent wahala.]

He dey do like teacher. I just dey imagine him serious face dey type that kind message.

I grit teeth, smile. Dr. Ebuka get good heart.

In all the drama, I no fit lie—him hand clean, heart better.

Dr. Ebuka: Free medical guidance dey.

For my mind, I dey reason if I fit charge am consultancy fee for emotional stress.