Chapter 5: Breaking Free on a Night Bus

I go house.

The gate man greet me with tired eye, but I no answer. My leg dey weak, I dey drag myself inside.

Everywhere dark, no light for the big duplex.

NEPA don carry light again, generator dey rest. The silence heavy, only frog dey croak for backyard.

I press lips, swallow the pain and bitterness wey dey my chest, then on the rechargeable lamp.

The small lamp dey cast orange light for parlor wall. My shadow long, like person wey dey search for way.

I forget say,

My head blank, I no remember time. Even hunger no grip me again.

Since Nnenna wake up, my papa, mama, and brother go hospital go see am.

Family dey run, dey cry, dey thank God. Even my uncle for Lagos call, dey pray for phone.

I sit for sofa, hug my knees, bury my head.

The sofa soft, but my bone dey ache. I close eyes, try hold tears but e rush me. The house cold, my heart colder.

As tears finally drop, the pain for my heart just sharp and real.

I try wipe am, but e plenty. The kind cry wey dey come from soul. The pain heavy, but na release too.

That day for studio—

The paint smell, the way Olumide drag me, all dey come back for my mind.

Na the first time Olumide really vex for me.

The anger shock me, because I never see am like that before. E look me with eye wey fit burn cloth.

The way he shout make my head turn, but I still hear the disgust for him voice well.

E point finger, spit fly from mouth. "You no be Nnenna. Stop to dey copy her." The pain na like needle for my chest.

Olumide talk say he no ever love me. Na Nnenna he love.

E voice low, but clear. The truth na like cold slap. My body freeze, my spirit die small.

My twin sister, Nnenna.

People always say twins dey share things. For this one, na pain we share pass.

Olumide talk say,

“If no be say na Nnenna beg me herself, you think say I go even engage you?”

Him mouth bend, e dey look me with pity and anger.

“Ifunanya, I no hate you. You suppose thank your star.”

E say am like blessing, but na curse I dey hear. My heart dey bleed, but I no fit shout.

I no understand wetin Olumide mean.

I dey ask myself, why person go marry you only because your twin beg am? Where love dey inside all this?

I run go house, ask my papa, mama, and brother.

My legs dey shake, but I manage reach. I burst into house, tears dey fall, voice dey high.

Their face just change, and as dem open mouth, na blame full everywhere.

Dem look me like say na me do bad thing. Mama voice sharp, "Ifunanya, see wetin you cause."

“If no be say Nnenna save you, she for no get accident. She for no dey like this.”

The words heavy, like stone for my neck. I dey choke, but nobody care.

“Na Nnenna suppose dey with Olumide, no be you.”

The line sting pass any other one. As if na thief I be for my own family.

“You don already collect your own—wetin you still dey find?”

Everybody dey count my blessings for me, but nobody dey see my pain. I wan shout, but I just swallow everything.

That day, I waka commot, mind blank.

Rain dey fall, my slippers soak, I no even know where I dey go. Na only my shadow follow me.

But na me first meet Olumide.

E pain me, because nobody dey remember say I get story too. Na me first see am, na me first talk with am, but dem no care.

Na me and Nnenna dey inside that accident together.

I fit still see the car, the rain, the way Nnenna shout my name before the car somersault. We both bleed, but only she enter coma.

Rain just dey beat me, but I no still fit understand.

The cold enter my bone, but e no cold pass the one for my heart. I dey look sky, dey beg God for answer.

I struggle.

I dey fight myself, fight my shadow, but peace no gree come.

But at last, I no fit talk say make dem break the engagement.

Fear and shame hold me. I no wan add more pain to Nnenna or my family. So I lock my mouth, dey manage.

I hold that Mrs. Okoye position for five years.

Five years. E be like prison sentence. I dey count days, but no freedom for inside.