Chapter 2: Avoid Her Wahala or Die Try

Musa, class rep travel go competition. For now, abeg help manage the class, and tell everybody make dem wait after night prep. I wan hold short ten-minute meeting.

This counsellor, Auntie Bisi, na woman wey sabi organise but she no dey get time for wahala. Her voice dey always command respect. For staff office, she dey wear that her ankara gown every Friday—e be like say na her lucky cloth.

Na just one month wey we enter university, we never even recover from that wahala wey orientation camp cause.

Dem orientation people dey make us wash gutter, run round field, some even still dey use torchlight find shoe wey loss since then. Nobody get energy for new palava.

As study committee member, e normal say I go dey help counsellor do all this kind work.

Sometimes, na to help collect attendance, sometimes na to settle fight wey dem dey quarrel for WhatsApp group. Last week na who chop who rice, this week na who dey snore pass. E no dey finish.

Everybody dey inside class WhatsApp group, so normally, I just need @ everybody once, dem go see the message.

You go just type, "@everyone, make una ready for meeting after prep." Next thing, over hundred blue tick. Even people wey no dey talk, dem go just drop "Noted" or thumbs up emoji.

But na my roommate remind me: Amaka Okoye never join the group.

Seyi dey brush for bed that night, na him look me for mirror: "Guy, you add Amaka? That babe never dey group o." He just talk am sharp sharp like say e no mean anything. But me, my heart miss one beat.

As person wey don live this life before, I know say I don reborn.

I just dey look Seyi like say, "You no go understand." The memory of the acid dey rush me like harmattan fire. Na God save me say I dey get another chance.

For my last life, na from the day I add Amaka Okoye everything scatter. She come dey talk say I like am, say all my move na to get her attention.

Even my village people for Enugu for dream, dem warn me that year: "Musa, avoid Amaka." I no hear word. This time, I no go dull.

Even when I dey try avoid her, she go still find way show herself for my front dey make me vex.

She dey always carry that her big tote bag waka waka, dey bounce for corridor like say she dey runway. If you sidon for library, she go come sit for your front. If you go fetch water, she go appear for queue. That kain spirit, I never see.

She even talk say I dey use sense dey chase her, say make I no overdo this hard-to-get game.

She go look me with that her "you think say I no know you" eye, dey speak like say na script she dey read for Nollywood audition. If to say I fit record am that time, I for blow for TikTok.

If no be the way dem train me, I for don curse her whole generation.

Na my mama always say, "No dey use bad mouth talk woman, even if she dey craze, e no fit pay you." If not, I for don enter am that year.

Wetin pain me pass be say, she go dey talk rubbish for Facebook, come dey form 'deep love' wey dey move people to tears.

She go dey write those long post, add filter, add one sad song. Next thing, girls for hostel dey message her, dey tell her sorry, say God go bring her true love. Boys go dey hail her too, call her "Queen of Hearts."

One mad person wey get craze like her just show from nowhere, carry acid pour me. Na that time Amaka Okoye rush come from crowd, dey cry on top my body.

Dem say the boy even wear cap, cover face, nobody sabi am. Na so Amaka shout, "God forbid!" dey kneel for ground. Me, I dey look her from my pain, dey wonder how life take turn upside down.

I no even fit move, pain hold me, strength no dey to push her commot.

Tears full my eye, but no be from her drama—na the hotness and betrayal. My body just dey burn, my spirit wan commot.

I die before ambulance reach, as I dey ground, dey look Amaka Okoye fake cry, anger wan burst my chest.

My last thought na "God, this girl don use my head shine finish."

And na so my eye no close immediately. I dey watch as Amaka Okoye use my death build her 'pure love goddess' name for Facebook, dey make money, turn celebrity for campus.

She dey drop video everyday, dey do makeup tutorial, dey tell people make dem avoid toxic love. People dey comment, dey hail am. She even wear white lace for one event, talk say she dey mourn me. My spirit nearly wake up slap her. If no be say my mama dey pray for me steady, I for no rest.

She no be poor girl again, na me be the wicked person wey deserve to die for everybody eye.

All her "fans" dey drag me online, dey curse my memory. Dem talk say my village people too wicked, na why I die.

Before, I believe say if your hand clean, nobody fit accuse you. But with person like her, that one no work.

For Naija, once you dey act victim well, people go follow you like say you be pastor.

Now wey God give me another chance, I swear, I no go let her use my head shine again.

If I like, make I kneel down dey beg, e no go ever reach that level again. My mind don strong, no space for mumu.

I lower my eye, hide the hate for my mind, then @ everybody for group again: "Abeg, make una remind una roommates in case dem no see the message."

I drop the message, lock phone. For my mind, I dey pray make Amaka no reply me for dream tonight.

As for Amaka Okoye wey never join group—if class rep as group owner no send, why I go carry her matter for head?

Na so I rest. E no concern me again. If she no join, na her wahala. No be me go die for this one.

That night, after prep, as discipline committee dey take attendance, Amaka Okoye no show.

Her name dey for register, but nobody see am. Some people dey whisper, "That girl, wahala no dey finish."

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For my last life, after I add Amaka Okoye and she bounce me, she still no show for night prep.

I just siddon for my corner, dey scroll through phone. My guys dey laugh for bed, dey talk football. I just bone, make her wahala pass me.

I no send her, so when counsellor ask, I just talk say I no fit reach her.

Counsellor raise eyebrow, look me well. She be like person wey sabi read mind. Me, I just dey look floor, dey tap leg.

After, counsellor go talk to her, na so she come find me.

She no even greet. Na straight to the point. Some girls dey corridor dey listen, dey form dey wash cloth but ear dey our side.

"Study committee member, if na me you wan add, talk am straight. Why you go dey report me to counsellor?" Her voice loud. If you no get confidence, you go believe say na you wrong.

"I don see all una plan finish."

She go fold arm, tap one foot for ground, dey look my face like say she dey size me for market.

Amaka Okoye vex sotey I no even know where her confidence from dey come.

Her mouth sharp, she dey stand like person wey no dey ever fear slap.

If she try am again for this life, I go use mouth finish her.

If na local setting, my sister go just shout, "Who born you?" But I just dey keep my cool. Me no get wahala for this life again.

"Study committee member, you no notify well?" na so counsellor ask, just like before.

Counsellor dey always give chance make you explain. Her tone dey soft, but if you lie, she go know.

I stand up talk, "I notify everybody two times and I tell dem make dem remind their roommates. As for Amaka Okoye, if she no wan come, wetin I fit do again?"

My voice clear, I talk am like person wey dey sure of himself. Seyi dey nod for back, dey support me with eye.

I look where Amaka Okoye roommates dey sit. Three girls just talk at once:

"Counsellor, we tell her o, but she still no gree join class group."

Two of dem dey wear that their usual big scarf, the last one just dey twist braid for finger, face show say she tire.

"She dey talk say na part-time work dey hold her. Say she no fit buy food, if she come evening prep she go faint. We even say make we buy food for her, she still no gree come."

Dem add, "We tire for her o! She go lock herself inside, dey listen gospel music, dey claim say na only God understand her."

All this drama na Amaka Okoye way of life.

People for hostel don dey use her matter do joke. For group chat, dem dey drop meme, dey talk say "Amaka problem no dey finish."

From the way her roommates talk, dem sef don tire for her matter.

Dem dey adjust for chair, dey avoid eye contact like say dem no want wahala again. One even dey press phone under table.

Class people just dey look, their face be like say dem see masquerade.

One guy for back whisper, "Wetin this babe dey find self?"

Counsellor sigh, talk say she go check am, then start meeting.

"We go revisit Amaka matter later," she talk. Everybody just dey look dem, dey wait for next wahala.

Even though she say ten minutes, she no waste time, release us quick.

Some girls rush out, boys begin gist for corridor. The tension just disappear, like say na bell ring for break time.

For my mind, I know say this night, Amaka Okoye name go hot for every hostel room.

Even for canteen, you go see two people dey talk low, dey gist her matter like market women.

If I fit expose her early, make everybody see her true colour, e go spoil her 'deep love' act. Everybody go just know say na craze dey worry her.

If e happen now, nobody go dey pity her again. She go find her level.

True true, next day for class, Amaka Okoye show.

She wear one black jeans, oversize shirt, her eye red like say she no sleep. Her face squeeze, she no greet anybody. Some people dey peep am, dey wait for drama.

She look like person wey no sleep, waka straight to me:

"Study committee member, if na me you wan add, you for do am coded. Why you dey use all this trick to get my attention?"

Her voice sharp, she stand for my front, dey block my view. Some boys begin dey smile, dey ready for fight. My guys dey close, dey nod make I reply.

Everybody for class dey look, ready for drama.

You go think say we dey watch film. Even lecturer wey pass window pause small, dey look inside.

I just smile. "See, you and me no get anything together. Your roommates even offer you food, you no gree come prep. You want make I come feed you join?"

Seyi for my back, dey whisper, "Oya na, finish work." I just dey flow.

"All of us don big, na your business if you come class or not. We no be your papa or mama—who suppose dey run after you?"

I use that last line make everybody laugh. One girl for front nearly drop pen for floor.

My roommates burst laugh first:

"Amaka Okoye, you dey craze? See as Musa fine, girls dey rush am since school start. Na you he go dey chase?"

Tolu come add, "If na me, I for don propose give Musa since!"

"True talk. Abeg, no dey disturb our Musa o."

Everybody just dey vibe. Dem dey form defence squad for me, Amaka dey look lost.

Amaka Okoye face red like palm oil. She dey bite her lip, dey look me anyhow.

Her eyebrow dey shake, she dey squeeze face like person wey chop sour mango. Her hand dey her waist, but e still dey tremble.

At last, she come force laugh: "Study committee member, all these your tricks na Nollywood level, real life no be film. This your style no dey work."

She use hand wave me off, dey act big. But the tension dey her eye.

"I tell everybody about meeting, you no come, now you dey talk say I dey chase you? Babe, abeg. Guys, make una guard una ID card well o, if she see am, na marriage straight."

As I drop the line, people burst laugh. Some begin dey shout "Na so! Na so!"

I raise my voice on purpose.

My guys dey hype me, dey clap. One boy for back throw "Oga Musa, campus don get lawyer!"

All the boys for class burst laugh, dey tease her.

Dem dey clap for chair, dey knock table. Even lecturer sef dey smile for corridor.

Girls sef dey nearly choke with laugh:

Some dey hold mouth, some dey use scarf clean eye. One girl whisper, "No go near Amaka matter o!"

"Who be her roommate? Dem don suffer. This one na wahala."

Another girl say, "Even my aunty no fit handle this kain babe."

"Abi na Amaka Okoye dey like study committee member, na why she dey do all this?"

Dem dey wink, dey use hand cover mouth, dey gossip fast fast.

"See as her roommates face be, like say dem chop bad beans. E pain dem."

True true, those three girls just dey squeeze face, dey look ground. One even dey pack her books quick.

Because of Amaka Okoye, those three girls become centre of attention, everybody dey look them.

Some people even dey whisper, dey talk say dem go apply for room change. Hostel gist go full that night.

I sure say dem no happy at all.

You fit see am for their body, nobody wan claim her again. One dey scroll phone, another dey fix braid.

As I use mouth finish her, Amaka Okoye hiss, go sit with her roommates.

She just carry bag waka fast, her shoe dey knock floor hard. As she sit, dem just bone face.

But as she sit, dem stand up sharp sharp, go change seat.

Na so another round of laugh scatter class.

E be like say dem plan am. All three just carry bag waka go back seat. People begin dey shout, "See move! Roommates no wan die!"

Amaka Okoye look them with bad eye, then put head down dey read.

She just dey flip page anyhow, but e clear say her mind no dey for book. She dey bite pen, dey tap table, but nobody send her again.

Heh, this one just be beginning.

For my mind, I dey plan next move. This time, I go shine eye.