Chapter 2: Shame and Memory

As I dey go, na old hairpin and plain wrapper I wear, na only one small treasure box I carry follow body.

My legs heavy as I waka down veranda. For compound, even the birds quiet. I tie my wrapper tighter, make breeze no shame me. The treasure box for my hand dey shake small, but I press am for chest, like say na pikin.

The woman wey go soon marry Chief Femi, Morayo, send her personal nanny come check wedding arrangement for their house.

Morayo na woman wey get sense. Even before she show face, her wahala don dey everywhere. Her nanny, fat like ekuru, waka enter with leg like she own the house.

The nanny block me for parlour.

She eye the treasure box wey dey my hand.

Her mouth twist, eyebrow high: "Everything wey dey for the chief house dey for register. My madam bride price things don land since three days ago. If anything miss, na wahala for me o. Person no dey waka with another man load for night."

I no talk anything. Last night, Chief Femi use me do last one, till my voice no gree come out again.

All the pain wey I carry for body, e still dey fresh. My back still dey pepper me—e be like say dem pour hot water for my skin, every step dey remind me. But I hold myself. As I dey stand for parlour, my legs dey shake small, but I no go let these people see am.

He no pity me at all, like say na true true last time. Even after I faint, when I wake, him still dey pinch my soft flesh.

The taste of sweat and palmwine still dey my mouth. The way he hold me rough, I know say this one, na goodbye for real.

Him voice come rough:

"Chichi, I don do my best for you. Pick anything wey your eye like from this room, carry am go as your own."

So today, I choose. I hold the dressing box wey him hand make by himself.

Na the box wey he carve for me the first time my first pikin die. Na that same night he promise say he go always protect me. Now, na the only thing I fit carry.

Clear say Morayo nanny just dey find my trouble.

Her eye dey look me like hawk. She dey wait make I do mistake, so she fit shout.

But him still talk say,

"Open am. Make the nanny see am."

The nanny add join,

"No be only the box o, we go check your body too. Who know if you hide anything? See as your chest full, e dey suspicious."

She squeeze mouth, her nose flare. She dey ready make I fall hand, so she fit run go tell her madam.

The chief look me, maybe e dey remember something.

His eyes dark, like say he dey fight himself. But pride no go gree him show pity. He clear throat, look ground, then still follow the nanny talk.

"Chichi, remove your cloth make nanny check, so dem no go spoil your name."

But for person like me, which name remain?

My chest tight. I look the wall clock, hear the tick like drum for burial. Name? Wetin remain? Since when my own turn to empty shadow?