Chapter 4: Past Shadows

I turn back, finally see the lantern wey hang for the car.

The lantern dey burn yellow, show the family crest—elephant with staff—Chief Musa sign. Just the sight alone fit make person heart do gbim-gbim.

Palm Grove Chief’s House.

That house na like mini palace for city, fence tall, guard full everywhere. Just mention their name, people dey shift body.

I don stay away from that place so tey I almost deceive myself say I no go fear again.

But who no dey fear when dem hear about Chief Musa?

People dey whisper say Chief Musa hand dey for everything—market, council, even inside police. Na real lion for city.

Anytime gbege happen for open ground for West Market, people no dey ask—dem sabi say na Chief Musa dey clear im enemies again.

One time dem say, he order people flog thief for market square. People dey fear that kind power.

This man get power, e wicked well well. But for women matter, e dey do like person wey no send. All the years, na only im childhood lover e marry as main wife. Even when she no fit born, e no carry another wife.

The whole town dey respect am for that. People dey point say, e loyal to im woman, even as elders dey press for second wife.

But one day, one small music girl carry belle for Chief Musa. People talk say na plan she plan am, wan use trick born pikin for am.

They say the girl dey sing for palmwine bar, voice sweet like ogene. How belle enter, nobody know, but na from then wahala start.

Last last, the Chief no send her. E allow her born, then lock am for one corner house, no name, no status. Later, nobody know wetin she do, dem throw her commot for cold harmattan, she almost die for cold.

No wrapper, no food, breeze dey cut my bone. Okada horn, distant mosque bell, rat dey scratch for gutter. I hug my pikin, just dey pray make morning reach.

Na me be that music girl.

If no be Mr. Garba, one police officer, wey see me for under wall, carry me go im house, give me food and cloth, I for don die since.

I remember as e carry me, cover me with jacket. First food I chop for im house, na hot eba with egusi. That day, I tell myself say I go respect am till I die.

For two whole years, Chief Musa no even remember the woman wey e throwaway. Now as I jam am again, fear just hold me.

My hand dey shake small as I wipe Chinonso face. Wetin be my fate today?

"You want make I come down come carry you by myself?" Chief Musa voice soft from inside car.

If to say I never live with am before, I for think say na beg e dey beg. But I sabi that tone—like when thunder dey hide inside cloud.

I know say the more e soft, the more e dey vex. As I look around, I know say nobody fit save me and Chinonso. I just obey.

So, I hold Chinonso hand, press my lips, enter car.

The car soft inside, seat dey like feather. Light perfume dey air, better carpet under leg. I shift small, make dust no stain anything.

Inside, everywhere warm, sweet smell full air—e be like say na spring. Chief Musa wear big agbada and cloak, sit down with one small boy wey resemble am. If person see dem, nobody go think say na wicked people.

The boy face sharp, nose high like im papa. Chinonso eye dey roam, but e hide behind me.

Me and Chinonso, with our simple cloth, just siddon dey fear for front of dem. My forehead still dey bleed. Chief Musa look me as if na my fault say I dey like this.

I press my palm for wound, dey avoid im eye. For here, na only respect fit keep me safe.

E ask, "E dey pain you now?"

E no look me like say e care, but the question still dey hang for air. I press lips, try hold myself.

I no talk, just use my sleeve rough clean my face. Chinonso frown, bring out the handkerchief wey I sew for am, kneel help me wipe the blood gently.

Chinonso hand gentle, like say e dey handle chick. E dey whisper, "Sorry, Mama." My heart melt.

As Chinonso dey do this, the young heir, Musa Junior, hiss. E talk: "See as you dey treat bastard—no wonder mama dey talk say you low, no get shame."

E voice dey sharp, tongue like razor. Na same talk dem always use cut me down for that house.

I don hear this kind talk tire for Chief’s house. Musa Junior mama na Princess of Umuola, so e always see me as disgrace.

Anytime I waka enter main compound, e go screw face, e friends go follow mock me. For their eye, na only blood and title matter.

Dem lock me for corner house, I go dey sew for night, dey make shoe, kneepad, even give am the amulet wey e dey wear since small, pass through old nurse.

The old nurse sef dey pity me, sometimes help me sneak food. For that place, na handwork dey keep my mind sane.

After all, na my pikin—how I no go care?

Whether dem gree or not, na God see heart. No matter how people look me, I no fit abandon my own.

But e no ever gree see me, e go tear those things, throw dem back over fence. As I dey look the mess, I think: Maybe, na who raise pikin be real mama, no be who born am.

I pick pieces, patch again. Inside me, I dey pray make love touch im heart one day.

I no show any sign, but Chinonso eye don red, e dey shake, e shout for Musa Junior, "My mama no be low person!"

I quick cover Chinonso mouth. E look me, tears dey fall.

I draw am closer, whisper for im ear, "No mind them. Your heart clean."

"You no get your own mama? If you shout again, I go cut your tongue!" Musa Junior bend threaten am.

The way e spit the words, even the air cold small. But Chinonso no gree show fear.

Chief Musa talk sharp: "Musa!"

E tone hard, no room for argument. Everybody freeze.

Musa Junior vex, turn face.

E fold hand, squeeze face, but no talk again.

"I no believe say after all you don suffer, you still never change," Chief Musa talk, face hard. "Since be like this, I no go consider Musa feelings again. I go carry you come back house, give you title."

The words heavy. For my mind, I dey wonder: is this freedom or another wahala?

Na so e dey free me so?

If to say I get another option, I for run, but for now, na to listen remain.

Outside, guards open car door as e command. Chief Musa talk: "If you comot now, even if you kneel three times, knock head nine times later, I no go gree."

Na final warning. I bow my head, carry Chinonso, heart still dey race.

I think say Chief Musa go start wahala again, but e just talk these kind words, like e wan cut everything finish. E even make me feel small relief.

I drag Chinonso, steady my voice. Time to go, before palaver start again.

So I carry Chinonso, come down from car, bow, no talk anything at all.

For my mind, I dey recite Psalm, dey pray make God cover us.

As we dey go, person shout my name for back, panic dey voice.

My ear sharp, but my heart no fit bear another fight tonight. I quick quick dey waka.

But wind and cold too much, I just waka fast, act like I no hear.

My wrapper dey flap for wind, Chinonso dey hide behind me. I no look back. For this life, sometimes silence na your best friend.