Chapter 2: Fine Boy Wahala

That afternoon, we no get class, and Halima no dey room. Sun dey shine anyhow, generator noise dey background. Ifeoma just jump from her bed like fish wey dem pour for ground, turn, sit up: "He don accept my friend request!"

Ifeoma voice loud, excitement full her face. You go think say she win lottery. Mosquito coil dey burn small small for room, but she no even send am.

"Make I see! Make I see!" Morayo rush come, dey shout as she dey find gist, "First, check if he post any picture for him WhatsApp status!"

Morayo nearly fall for bed edge. She even drag Ifeoma phone from her hand—this one no be play play.

"Chei! This guy fine o!" Omo, see as this guy fine like Sunday rice! If I jam am for road, I go greet am three times!

She use her palm cover mouth, her eyes wide. "Kai! If I see this kain person for road, I go greet am two times!"

"Even for ID photo he still fine like this—imagine how he go be for real life."

Morayo dey shake her head, dey look sky like say she dey imagine wedding day.

"Ifeoma, you don hammer!"

Morayo tap Ifeoma back, wink her eye, dey give her that ‘you don hit jackpot’ face.

As I hear say the guy fine, my own body just wake, I bend from my own bed, ask, "How fine? Abeg, send am make I see!"

Me sef no fit hold body. I dey expect to see one aboki wey resemble okada man, but if e fine reach like that, abeg, make I see with my korokoro eye.

Ifeoma send the picture for our four-person room group.

Ping sound ring for my phone. I rush go check. She even put three fire emojis join.

The guy for the picture really fine—him face set well, eyes sharp, nose straight, eyebrow correct. Even though na just ID photo, the guy dey attractive, you no go wan comot eye.

For Naija, dem dey say "fine boy no pimples"—this one na definition. Even the way him wear shirt for ID photo get class. I for talk say na model wey dem snap for magazine.

As I dey look the picture—

My heart dey beat, I dey reason whether to send am give my friend for another hostel make she rate am too. For our room, if you no show your babe, you never start.

"Ding dong—" Group message land.

Halima: "Why you dey send obituary picture for group?"

Her message just freeze all of us like say cold water pour for body.

As I read am, I just pause. Na who get obituary? Who die?

Obituary picture?

Who she dey talk about?

The room quiet sotay you fit hear when person dey swallow saliva. Even Morayo mouth open, she no fit talk.

Ifeoma na the first wey vex, her finger just dey fly for keyboard: "Halima, wetin you mean? Which obituary picture? Why you dey always talk this kain bad thing?"

Her fingers dey shake as she dey type, and her voice loud—person go think say she dey quarrel with person face to face.

Halima just shift for her bed, wrapper tie tight, her face half for shadow. Her voice cold, like harmattan breeze for December morning: "I just dey talk as I see am. Na real obituary photo. See the man face—him forehead dey dark, under eye dey green, no life for am at all. E resemble person wey don kpai."

For Naija, if person call your picture obituary, e no be small thing—some girls for hostel fit go pour salt for water, just to ward off bad luck.

Halima dey always sabi talk things wey go make person fear. Sometimes, I dey wonder if she dey see spirit. For Jos, dem dey say some people get third eye.

"This girl craze!" Ifeoma vex so tey she throw her phone for bed, just dey curse.

The phone land for foam, bounce small. Ifeoma hold her head, dey murmur, "God punish Halima!"

Morayo quick comfort am, point her own head, mouth, "Forget her, no mind am, she no normal."

Morayo even cross her finger, do like she dey ward off bad luck. "Make her spirit no near us o," she joke. I dey see Morayo and Ifeoma exchange glance, both of them mouth 'God forbid' under breath, Morayo even cross herself sharp sharp.

Me sef reason say Halima too much. How she go dey curse this fine guy say he don die?

I dey reason the matter, dey look Ifeoma face. Ifeoma face don change colour—she red, she white, she dey vex, she dey fear small.

Ifeoma no wan drag matter for group. She delete the picture, send am go our three-person room group (wey no get Halima), type for anger: "E bad to dey share room with Halima."

She add, "I swear, if not for this hostel wahala, I for don change room since."

Morayo reply: "Just endure am. She no dey here steady—out of sight, out of mind."

Morayo drop voice note, laugh inside, “She no even dey get sense, just dey talk anyhow.”

Ifeoma: "Feeling so wronged.jpg" [meme: sulking cartoon]

Ifeoma: "Crying puppy.jpg" [meme: sad dog]

She even type, "Person no fit enjoy small online love in peace."