Chapter 3: Old Flames and New Boundaries

Shen Lianxu stand for doorway, dey drag suitcase.

E mean say him travel, no even tell me. I dey look am, dey reason if I fit pretend like say I no see am.

He dey look fresh—eyebrow neat, stand well, wear better casual cloth. Those our friendship beads wey we buy for Lekki, the blue one I choose, e still dey shine for him hand. My own, e no dey wear again.

No lie, the guy fine. Na so Lagos boys suppose be—clean, neat, dey smell good. E pain me say na another babe dey enjoy am now.

For the dim light, we just dey look each other from far. Awkward silence just long. Nobody wan make first move. E dey feel like NEPA take light for meeting.

Nobody talk. My mouth dry, but I no fit greet. I dey wait if he go talk first. TV still dey play behind-the-scenes clip of him and Amara.

As Amara dey laugh for screen, her laugh dey ring for parlour like bell for Sunday church. Like say she wan remind me say she still dey.

Amara dey lively, she sabi laugh, her voice dey sweet. She like call Shen Lianxu "egbon"—senior brother. Her Yoruba even pass mine. Sometimes, I dey jealous say she fit flow for any language, dey switch accent.

When gist dey sweet, she go just lean body and head give am, like babe wey dey crush. I remember those times for location, how people dey use eye follow dem. My own presence no dey count.

Shen Lianxu no dey dodge am. Him body language dey always open for am, like person wey no get secret. I dey watch am dey pamper her. He go just dey watch her play, sometimes helpless but e go still pamper her. Even when she dey act stubborn, he go just dey look her with patience. I dey wish say I fit get that side of am. He go even hold her so she no go fall.

I remember when I slip for bathroom, na househelp help me. Shen Lianxu no dey house. E pain me.

He fall for one fine babe. E clear for face. Even blind man go see am. Even that time, na when I dey ask am if we go do marriage certificate be that. I dey reason, maybe if I secure am, e go stop to dey look outside.

Now, e don dey awkward. Tension for air thick pass ogbono soup. I just dey try find my breath. I know say I go pay for not offing TV and wasting NEPA.

I dey calculate for mind: how much PHCN bill go be this month? But my own shame pass money wahala now. See am, karma quick reach me. This na payback. Wetin I dey find with all my stubbornness?

I no too dey shame, so I just bone face, talk anyhow: "Na TV just decide on by itself o."

I even shrug, dey try form as if na technology dey work against me. If na my mama, she for don say I too lie.

Before, when I dey act like madam and dey find evidence of him and Amara, na these behind-the-scenes clips I dey use accuse am. I dey download video, dey mark timestamp, dey send am for WhatsApp. E tire me.

That time, Shen Lianxu no get patience for me at all. He go just vex, bone face, carry car keys commot. I go dey cry for parlour.

He no dey explain, he no dey answer me. He go just act like say e no concern am. Na so silent treatment dey pain pass slap.

Anytime I call or do WhatsApp video, na him manager go pick. Aunty Lizzy voice go come: "Hello? He dey on set." Na so I go dey hear background noise, but no sign of am.

After, I go dey receive all those coded hints. Hints like, "Make you dey take care," or "Focus on yourself." E dey sweet and bitter. Na the same talk: I no reach Shen Lianxu level again.

Dem go say, "Level don pass level." E dey pain to hear say your own love turn pity.

If I get sense, I fit just collect big money, waka. Some friends tell me say, "Zainab, grab opportunity, secure yourself!" But I dey form hard babe, dey fight for love.

At twenty-five, I too young, I insist say na true love I want. I dey believe say if person love me, e go fit stay. I no sabi all these celebrity lifestyle.

So, I force Shen Lianxu marry me. I dey threaten am with Instagram, dey say, "I go yarn everything!" I no even reason consequence. If he no gree, I threaten say I go scatter him career for social media.

Na true. I be sharp mouth. But now I dey regret am. E no worth am.

He go don hate me well, but no fit shake me off. That one dey suffer in silence, dey do as I talk but no dey happy.

So he marry me, but no get joy for am. Wedding picture fine, but smile no reach eye.

That marriage certificate, I flash am for Instagram. I do hashtag, write plenty captions. My DM full that day. Like say na trophy.

I even buy cake to celebrate. But na empty victory.

But I no know say later, na that same thing go turn another knife for my chest.

Anytime wahala start, people go screenshot am, dey remind me say na me force am.

Shen Lianxu prefer stay hotel than come house. Even security for estate dey hail am, but na me dem dey pity. I dey lonely.

This mansion turn to punishment for my own sincerity. Big house, but cold. Even Christmas, na only me dey decorate tree.

But thank God, e never too late. I tell myself say, at least I never old, I still fit start again.

I just dey reason for my mind: Time to let go. Letting go no easy, but sometimes, na only road wey remain.

Make them enjoy their happy ending. If e go bring peace, make e run am. I fit find my own later.

I never sabi if this meeting go heal old wound or scatter am finish.