Chapter 6: Checklist for Survival

Femi Sani make list for me.

Na true naija man—he organize everything. E send checklist wey go help me survive the month.

Things to do for the month.

Visa, lawyer—na normal.

Even add "buy shea butter" and "try eat abacha" for list. Femi sabi say, na small thing dey make person smile sometimes.

He even write plenty restaurants to try.

He sabi Lagos food scene. From Surulere buka to fancy place for Lekki. Him advice dey sweet.

[Naija food for abroad no sweet.]

E true. Abroad jollof na disgrace. Femi sabi.

[True.]

I no argue. My own experience dey match am.

I happy, collect am.

Small joy dey my heart. Na the first time in a long while I fit look forward to something.

I chop for each restaurant one by one.

From suya for Agidingbi to fish pepper soup for Yaba. Each meal na memory. I dey tick am for list.

To dey alone no too hard like before.

I dey slowly dey find my own feet. The air dey light small. Pain still dey, but I fit breathe now.

Everyday I chop, I shop, I pack my bag.

Shoprite dey see me well. I dey buy small small things, dey imagine how my new life go be. I dey learn to enjoy my own company.

Day wey I move out from divorce house, Olawale message me.

I dey carry last bag, phone vibrate. My heart beat fast. I dey expect wahala.

[You never call me at all. You no miss me?]

He dey find my mind. I no answer. For Naija, man no dey like silence. E dey fear am.

He carry Amaka travel.

I see picture for WhatsApp status—airport, sunglasses, small girl dey pose.

Talk say he wan show the small girl the world.

As if I be old world. The pain dey subtle.

[You no dey obey.]

He send again.

I dey look the message, my mind dey roll. E dey expect make I beg am.

Then picture.

Him and Amaka for beach. I just hiss. Na the same pose, different girl.

[This place fine. Make I carry you come here for our third anniversary too?]

E dey rub pepper for wound. My mind strong. I no reply.

I really wan block am like I block Amaka.

But I need my certificate. For Naija, everything dey paper. I just lock my mind.

But since I still need to go Marriage Registry for certificate, I just leave am.

I just dey count days. Na patience dey teach person wisdom.

Next half month, I sell my jewelry and bag.

All those gifts wey Olawale buy, I dey move am one by one. Na money I go use start new life. My friend Sade help me arrange buyers.

Go hospital check myself.

For Naija, pregnancy na big matter. I go do test, doctor dey kind. I dey thank God say my body clear.

Make sure say I no get belle.

The result dey negative. I dey breathe easy. At least, I no go carry extra burden.

Finally, I arrange all the property Olawale give me since.

All the wrappers, the phones, even the blender wey him buy last Christmas. I dey arrange, dey let go small small.

Night before Marriage Registry, Olawale come back.

I hear car horn for gate. My body tense. E dey late, rain dey threaten for sky.

He call me.

I answer. My voice low, but I dey steady. Na last round be this.

“Ozi Ozi, you don move out?”

His voice soft, but e dey hide something. I just keep quiet. For Naija, silence dey talk pass words.

Sun dey burn my back, but inside, cold still dey.