Chapter 8: Goodbye and Thunder

No matter how Olawale be this past year,

I no fit erase good times. For Naija, we dey cherish memory, no matter how pain dey add salt.

I no wan deny the Olawale of before.

The boy wey help me heal, wey dey fight for me. I still dey hold small hope say e fit return.

I dey grateful for how he take care of me all those years.

Nobody perfect. I dey remember the yam and egg breakfast, the laughter, the sweet gist for night.

So, I no plan leave without say goodbye.

Na culture. For Naija, we dey do closure. Even if na pain, e better make person talk.

But that night, rain fall.

Heavy rain. The kind wey dey shake zinc roof. E be like say God dey wash pain away.

Thunder, lightning.

E loud. Light dey flash, window dey vibrate. My chest dey knot.

I dey fear nights like this.

Ever since that accident, thunder dey bring memory. I dey always hide under blanket.

That accident happen for night wey rain and thunder full everywhere.

Na the same pattern. The sound, the wet road, the darkness. My mind dey replay old film.

I force myself wait for Olawale, my body dey shake.

I hug pillow, dey drink hot water. My teeth dey chatter. I dey look window every five minutes.

I even dey fear say, as I dey wait, I go just forget all the wall I don build, rush go hug am, dey cry.

The heart dey betray mind. Sometimes, hope no dey die quick. Na only God know wetin go happen if I see am face to face.

But he no come.

Time dey go. I dey check clock. Rain dey beat window. I dey count every drop.

He call me.

Phone ring, I pick. Background noise choke. E be like bar or club.

When I pick, everywhere for him side dey noisy.

Music dey play, people dey shout. I dey wonder if him remember wetin today mean.

“Redemption? Na nonsense.”

E dey rant, voice dey high. I dey listen, my heart dey bleed.

“She don tire me since. If no be my mama force me, I no go even try.”

I dey hear pain and pride. E dey blame everybody but himself. Na Naija men way, sometimes.

“Marriage? You sabi why we rush marry?”

I dey wait. My ear dey ring. I dey pray make he talk truth.

“No be because she no gree make I touch her?”

My heart drop. E dey talk my own secret as if e no mean anything.

“I just dey wonder, if she dey get aphasia when she dey emotional, for bed nko? She fit even make sound? Hahaha.”

The laughter cold. For inside me, something scatter. Shame, pain, anger—all join.

Thunder roar——

E drown everything. My tears just burst. I drop phone, I dey shake.

For this stormy night, e be like say something inside me just tear again.

The pain sharp. My chest dey squeeze, my eye dey hot. I dey wish I fit vanish.

I wan hide.

But house small. Even blanket no fit cover me from myself.

I no wan make anybody see me like this.

I dey look mirror, I dey pity myself. Woman no suppose dey weak for Naija. I dey fail.

But where I go hide?

Rain dey block everywhere. Even my own room dey choke me.

Everywhere, na rain, na thunder.

No escape. E be like say even sky dey cry with me.

Everywhere, na mockery.

Olawale words dey echo. My heart dey cut. I just dey rock myself, dey beg God.

That time, Femi Sani call.

My phone ring. I no expect am, but I pick. Na his name I see for screen.

“Ozioma?”

His voice soft, but firm. Like person wey dey hold torch for dark.

Him voice still dey calm as ever.

E no dey rush. E just dey wait for me to breathe.

E just make all the wahala for my head disappear.

E dey happen sometimes. One word fit scatter darkness.

“You dey cry?”

He no judge. He just dey confirm. My voice no gree answer.

I wan talk no.

I try. But my throat lock. Words dey fight to come out.

But no word fit come out.

Na tears. The kind wey dey hot, dey burn.

Na only tears dey answer, dey flow.

The phone dey wet. I no fit hide am. But for the first time, I no shame.

“Wait for me.”

I hear him voice steady, like church bell for Sunday morning—na assurance I never get since. He sure. No doubt. For Naija, man wey talk and do, na treasure.

He still calm. “I go come carry you.”

For that moment, hope rise. I believe say healing fit still dey road.

Sun dey burn my back, but inside, cold still dey.