Chapter 2: Return of Femi and Wedding Memories

For middle of night—

Mosquito just dey sing for my ear, weather cold, breeze dey blow from window. Femi, the same man wey don disappear for two months—miss our wedding anniversary join—finally show face for house!

I still dey half sleep, just turn for bed.

My eye dey heavy, I dey dream say I dey chop suya for Sabo, before my face touch pillow, na one heavy perfume just slap my nose—

My eye fly open, the thing choke! No be small, o. This perfume na the type wey dey choke for Lagos club, like that Pink Lips spray dem dey use for Allen. I cough small, eye red.

Loud, stubborn, dey shout for attention.

The smell na wah! E be like say the person bath inside perfume before enter house. I just dey wonder, which babe fit buy this kind stubborn scent?

Just like Femi himself.

If person dey look for wahala, e go resemble Femi. E get pride, e get ginger, e get that stubborn shine. Even when e dey wrong, e go dey look you like say na you dey craze.

But this one na woman perfume.

I sabi say na woman perfume—na so e dey do. The scent dey loud, dey announce itself, and e no fit hide for that kind time. My mind just dey do one plus one.

I struggle turn my head, see one fine face, too fine sef—like say God use filter create am.

Femi stand for door, light dey catch e face, and the kind fine wey dey worry am no get part two. You go think say na Instagram filter. E skin smooth, beard sharp, the kind man wey mama go pray make her pikin marry.

E Adam apple big like pigeon egg, the thing move as e swallow; e get eight packs, strong like Agege bread wey dem forget for sun, and the muscle for e body sharp well.

No be small muscle o! If you see chest, na stone, no be bread. E Adam apple na real show, e just dey move as e dey swallow saliva. This one no be small boy!

E eyes dey burn like say e wan use me do barbecue.

E eye dey red, dey shine, e face dey hot. You go think say e dey vex or e dey cook something for mind. The way e dey look me, e fit roast goat for that kind heat.

No wonder gossip people dey put am for 'Most Wanted Bachelor' list for five years straight!

My friends dey always show me e picture for WhatsApp group. "See am! Femi, the one and only!" Every party, na e name dem dey call. Even mamas for church dey pray say their daughter go catch am. Na so.

As Femi see my face, e pause small, e eyes clear, the fire for e eyes reduce.

For small second, e look like say e remember say I dey this house, say I be e wife. But e no talk anything. Na so e just breathe small, eye return to normal.

But the guy no stop.

E carry e wahala come meet me for bed. E just dey touch, dey search, like person wey no tire after night waka.

Everywhere e touch me, e be like say dem carry torchlight dey shine there, my skin just dey rise with goosebumps.

Chai! My body dey react anyhow. You know say e get as body dey behave when person wey you like dey near you, but the wahala na say e no reach heart.

My body wan run commot by itself.

E be like say my skin dey try commot from body. I just dey try balance, no let myself lose guard.

I call am twice, "Husband," my voice soft and sweet.

I dey try use sweet voice calm am down, as if say e be small pikin. I call am again, "Husband, husband," Abi na stranger I dey greet for my own bed? but the guy no dey hear.

I raise my voice: "Husband, why you come back so early like this?"

I add small pepper for voice, as e dey call am out. "Why you come back early like this na?"

"I miss you well well. I miss you sotay I no even chop dinner!"

Na so—Femi just lose interest.

E eye shift, body language change. E like say the excitement wey e carry come just pour for ground. My excuse don spoil e mood.

E stop, waka commot for bed, carry cigarette from bedside.

E no even look my face again. E just waka go side table, carry cigarette, eye dey avoid me.

E talk, "You be small pikin? You no fit chop by yourself?"

E voice sharp, e words sting. For e mind, na small pikin dey house, no be woman wey suppose hold ground.

I just sigh for my mind. That my mumu excuse—'I miss you too much'—na the thing wey make am lose interest.

Inside me, I dey laugh myself. I for dey act like say I be otondo. That my fake talk, na wetin spoil show.

Normally, person like Femi wey don follow different women suppose sabi my lie quick.

Na true. Femi get experience, e don jam babes for everywhere. E go just see person true colour quick. But me, I dey always try hide my own.

But I dey always act like say na only am I love for this world.

I go dey follow am like say na only sun for my sky. People dey laugh me, but e no concern me.

I chase am for three years, watch am dey change girlfriend like shirt, but I no gree give up.

I dey follow am back to back, dey play support, dey shine teeth even when e dey ignore me. If dem say make person give up, na me never hear am.

Femi don talk say I be the most stubborn bootlicker e ever see.

E use mouth talk am one day, "Morayo, your own stubbornness get branch! You no dey hear word." I just dey laugh.

I just close eye go sleep.

I no get energy to argue. I just turn face wall, close eye, dey wait for daybreak.

Femi carry himself go balcony, dey smoke.

You go hear e footstep for tile, the way e waka carry shoulder high, e go open sliding door, step out into cold air. I know say e dey smoke.

E make call, e voice dey enter small small through glass.

As e dey yarn, I dey hear am. The glass no dey block sound well, so the voice dey enter my ear, whether I like am or not.

"Omo Femi, you don dey do loyal husband abi? Who dey whine you?"

E friend dey laugh for background. Na so dem dey ginger each other, dey use woman matter dey play.

Femi hiss, "Which kind ordinary woman go make me settle down?"

E voice dey high. E pride dey show. You go think say na king dey answer servant.

"Tell you true, the first time, sef, I no even fit kiss am well."

E use that voice wey dey carry gist. As e dey talk, e dey take pride for e own wahala. Na so dem dey do for boys corner.

The person for phone just burst laugh.

The laugh loud. You go think say dem win lottery. E just dey boost e own shoulder.

Femi vex: "Abeg, na midnight, lower your voice—people dey sleep!"

E dey try form responsible, but e mouth sharp pass e mind. I just dey reason am, dey pity myself.

As I dey almost doze off, Femi finish smoke, come back inside.

E kill cigarette, waka inside, e step soft. E think say I don sleep.

E drop one small box near my pillow.

For my sleepy eye, I notice am. Small, shine, na so e do.

I force open my eye, peep am.

I do like person wey dey sick, but na curiosity dey my body. I just open eye small, dey peep.

Inside, na pair of diamond earrings—fine sha.

E fine, no lie. The kind thing wey person go carry show mama for church. But my own mind dey another place.

If I no see say the necklace wey match am cost ten times this one, I for think say na big gift. But na just free gift wey follow the necklace.

I remember the other day, e buy one big necklace for one babe, even post am for Instagram. E no know say I see am. So this one just be leftover for me. But I no talk.

But I no even vex. In fact, small hope dey my mind.

Somehow, I dey happy say at least, e dey try. The earring fit be leftover, but e mean say my own still dey e mind, even if na back seat.

One year don waka.

Na so marriage dey be. E fit look like say one day, one year don pass. Suffer join happiness, na everything dey mix.

Since we marry, e try dey manage settle.

To be fair, e no too bad from beginning. At least, for public, e dey act well, dey show face for family event.

But now, e don dey lose guard.

All those small small lies, late nights, e no dey hide again. I dey see am clear. Woman eye sharp pass CCTV.

And me too, I dey ready.

Inside me, I dey prepare. If e like, make e carry e wahala reach market, I no go shake.

For wedding—

The day hot, music dey blast, people dey jollof. Stew smell dey mix with fried rice for air, MC dey shout, "Spray the couple, make money rain!" Even MC dey hail, "See couple!" I dey sweat, but na sweet sweat.

As I dey look Femi face, e fine reach to be handiwork of Olodumare graduation project, my body dey hot.

I no dey exaggerate. If Olodumare finish secondary school, e go use Femi do project. My belle dey turn.

E eight pack dey show under shirt, dey tempt me.

E dey wear white shirt, the thing tight for e chest. All the aunties for table dey peep.

When MC talk make we kiss, I brush my hand for e chest and small red nipple.

If I fit tie am, use diamond rope pattern…

I dey imagine say I fit wrap am with gold rope, make e no run. Na fantasy!

As I dey think am, my leg dey weak.

My leg dey shake, I dey laugh inside. People think say na love, but na just cruise.

Femi no even notice anything.

E just dey form strong, dey look crowd. E no send my body language.

After all, I be honest person!

I dey always yarn truth, but sometimes truth dey pain.

E kiss me like say e dey do work—e sabi, but no feeling.

E just press lips, quick quick, like person wey dey tick box. Na so.

I no mind. I sabi make myself happy.

Na my own happiness I dey pursue. If e like, make e dey stiff. I dey alright.