Chapter 3: Old Money, New Shame

As I siddon dey reason my life, my chest dey heavy. I dey vex say dem no tell me, but the pain wey the boys give me pass any wahala.

Back when our family never poor, my mama ask me if I like anybody. I just turn face, no talk. She sharp, she smile, come ask if na one of my three childhood friends. My face red, I shout say make she no talk that kind thing again. She just know.

I still remember that day—my mama dey fry dodo, oil dey bubble for pot. She use back of spoon knock my hand, smile small. "Yanyan, you sure say you no dey crush for one of those boys?" My face burn, I just waka comot kitchen. But she look me, nod head, talk for low voice: "No worry, time go tell."

After that, I begin guard myself, hide my feelings deep. So dem no ever know who I like.

Since then, na so I dey close mouth like tortoise. I guard my heart, hide am for bottom box. Nobody for house fit read me again, even my papa dey joke say I dey hide like snake under grass. Nobody know say I dey carry secret feelings waka.

Until my papa investment spoil, money finish, things scatter for our Musa family, the other three families begin shift from us, whether dem mean am or not.

As money finish, e be like say everybody dey wear mask. People wey dey greet us before, dey turn face. Even for church, dem go just wave from far. My papa try, but e no easy. Our family name dey street, gist dey fly everywhere.

My mama think say if she no help me now, as stubborn and proud as I be, I no go ever talk my mind give who I like. So she just act sharp, arrange this blind date dinner behind my back.

For her mind, na to help me. She dey fear say I go waste chance, pride go swallow me. She think say if dem just push me, maybe love go spark. Na her own way of trying to save me from myself.

Even though Sunkanmi family parents no come, the boys from Timi and Abdullahi families show. Still, my papa and mama take am serious. Dem yarn truth about our family wahala, talk say if me and any of them like each other, make we marry. But if na just friendship, no wahala, dinner go end normal, dem no go force anybody.

My papa voice shake small as e dey talk am. "We no go force anybody. We just wan see say our pikin dey happy. If love dey, fine. If no, no wahala." The boys parents just dey nod head like lizard.

Dem no expect say these three wey I grow with go just run my matter anyhow for front of my parents.

As the words land, my mama mouth open. My papa look down, dey tap finger for table. Dem no see am coming at all. For their mind, the boys go try form nice, but na another story dem see.

Me I don dey used to am. But as I see my papa and mama dey force smile, my chest just dey pain me—na that kain pain wey you never feel for long.

As I watch my parents dey swallow shame, I just wan disappear. Tears dey my eye, but I bone face. That kain pain wey go make you no fit chop.

I no fit take am again, I just cut their bad mouth short.

I gats protect my own pride. I no fit make dem dey run me anyhow for front of my family. I just stand up, voice cold.

Before my parents fit ask anything, I stand up, look everybody, talk with cold voice: "E be like say nobody wan chop again. If na so, make everybody dey go."

The table shake small as I stand. People look me, no word come out. Na so I waka comot, no look back.