Chapter 5:

As my ex-wife see say I no wan talk again, she just shake head.

She try smile, but e weak. She look me, her eyes water small, then she arrange her bag, stand up.

She talk small, then waka go.

'Please try dey strong,' she talk, voice low. 'I dey here if you need anything.' She waka slow, heel dey tap ground, disappear inside crowd.

I sit down there, dey think for long, before I finally go house.

My mind just dey empty. I look sky, birds dey fly home. People dey sell things, but I no dey see dem.

For road, suya sellers full everywhere.

The aroma dey strong, dey draw people come like magnet. Some dey chop, dey laugh, dey gist. Suya master dey shout, 'Come buy suya, sweet like sugar!'

I dey always cross go the other side.

I waka pass like say I dey dodge village masquerade—fear catch me. I no fit bear the sight. Even the pepper smell dey make me sick. I dey dodge suya boys, dey hug wall.

I dey fear that sound of meat dey fry.

Each sizzle na memory of fire. The sound dey remind me of that day, how skin fit burn quick. My throat dey close.

For five years, anytime I see roasted meat, na my son wey burn to charcoal I dey remember.

Sometimes, I go dey vomit, even for public. One time, I nearly collapse for motor park because person dey roast corn beside me. Shame catch me.

E go reach to make me vomit.

My body dey react. Even my nose dey reject any sign of burnt meat.

I no blame anybody; na myself I blame for that wicked decision.

People try console me, but I no gree hear. I dey carry the blame like bag of cement everywhere I go.

As I dey leave café that time, I wan pay, but the cashier give me one small paper.

Small girl, fine smile, she say, 'Uncle, Madam don pay.' I collect the paper, hand dey shake.

He say, “That madam don pay already.”

I look receipt, na her handwriting. The thing choke me.

For the white paper, she write: “Try dey strong. I mean am—nobody blame you. No be your fault.”

Tears drop from my eye as I read am. I read am again, like prayer.

But I know say na my fault.

No matter wetin she talk, my mind no gree. I carry the blame alone.