Chapter 2: The Letter That Changed Everything

I dey wait for post office entrance, three hours don waka pass.

My wrapper don full dust from that wooden bench, but I no send. Some women waka pass, dey whisper, "See Mama Chika, she don come early today." I no answer dem, my heart dey beat hope and fear together.

Once dem open post office, I rush enter.

I nearly fall for step, but I no care. My slippers dey slap the cold floor as I hurry go counter. My breath catch for throat.

"Good morning, my name na Mama Chika. Abeg, letter dey for me?"

My voice dey shake like person wey chop pepper. The man for counter look me on top e glasses, e face no show any emotion.

My hand dey shake like person wey chop pepper.

I hold my wrapper so teeh, e nearly tear. This letter mean world to me.

"Madam Chika?"

E voice dey official, but when e see my worry face, e eye soft small.

My hand grip wrapper more. "Yes, na me."

I dey pray make my hand no shake too much as I reach for pen.

"Here’s your registered letter. Abeg sign here."

E push the brown envelope come my side. I dey look my name wey bold for ink. The thing heavy pass gold.

I sign my name gently, rush go house.

My slippers dey slap the sand, dust just dey rise as I waka go house. Sun don dey rise, long shadow dey play for compound. Neighbour dey peep window, but I waka quick.

"Mama, I dey hungry."

Small girl run come hold my leg like say na tree she grab.

Her small fingers dey hold me, face get sleep and dust. She look up, lips dey shake.

My face soft small.

Worry dey my mind, but I kneel press her hair, hold her cheek close, smell that small soap and dream for her skin.

Still, I waka enter kitchen go make pap and akara for her.

I dey crack beans, dey hum old song for mouth. As the steam rise, I remember how Mama dey do am for me that time, even when nothing dey.

This month meat money—Ifedike send everything go Morayo house next door.

Stew smell from Morayo window just dey mock me. I shake my head, roll my eye for this life wahala.

Like say e forget say wife and pikin still dey house dey find food.

Sometimes I dey wonder if I dey invisible. Ifedike dey come from work, but e leg no dey reach my door. Na Morayo laughter dey cross fence come meet me.

For e eye, na only Morayo and her two pikin matter.

My chest dey tight as I dey watch my daughter chop her pap and akara. Even her eye don old pass her age.

I dey look my daughter chop her food for table, then waka go my room.

I stand for door small, dey hear her soft chewing. My heart dey pain me, but I still carry myself with dignity.

The registered letter na from my teacher.

The handwriting sharp, bold, get hope. I press the letter for my chest before I tear am open.

For my first life, I still get invitation letter from my teacher, make I join e team for northern border.

E always dey see better thing for me, dey tell me say I fit do more than to just dey cook and clean. E belief for me be like small candle for my dark world.

Classmates wey follow am go border for three years, all of dem get better future.

Dem dey write home, dey send picture for front of government office, dey talk about how outside life sweet pass our small town. Sometimes for night, I go dey imagine say I dey among dem.

But in just ten days, Ifedike go return.

I dey feel e footstep for my mind, like rain wey dey threaten before e pour.

E go talk say, as first wife, I suppose understand.

E always dey start e talk with that line—like say na magic to kill my pain. "You suppose understand..." like say understanding dey fill empty belle.

Back then, e junior brother kill himself with work to help Ifedike go school, na so e take sick. If not, e for no die early.

People go dey shake head, dey whisper, "Ah, that man suffer for Ifedike o." Me sef no know say e go cost me reach like this.

Na wetin e talk say e owe Morayo family.

Like say na my happiness dem go use pay debt. I go just sit for bed dey wonder, wetin dem owe me?

E go tell me say I good for everything, say e dey relax for my side. But Morayo too weak, say to raise pikin alone go hard. Na why e wan carry her go work.

Dem all dey talk say I strong—strong to endure, strong to dey left behind. I wish, just once, make person ask if I dey tire to dey strong.

That time, I shock, no fit understand.

I just sit for floor, dey hold my wrapper. My mama voice dey ring for my head: "Woman own na patience." But how many patience e take survive this kind betray?

But after all the years, Ifedike don already turn me to mumu.

I begin dey doubt myself, dey second-guess my feeling. I dey ask, na bad thing to want more? Na greed to want make husband love me?

I think say my husband na my whole world.

I build my life for e body, dey count my happiness by e mood, e smile, e presence. Now I sabi say na house for sand I build.

So I swallow my anger, bear the shame, raise my pikin by myself.

Every night, I dey pray for strength. I dey look my pikin dey grow, their eye dull from hunger, their dream short like bird wing. Still, I dey smile for them.

I still drop my plan to go border.

The letter just dey bottom of my box, dey gather dust and regret. Anytime I see am, my chest dey tight.

At first, e still dey send food and meat money come house.

Sometimes I go hear knock, see bag of rice for door. Hope go shine small.

But after some time, no news again.

Gift stop. House cold. My daughter go ask, "Mama, Papa dey come?" I go lie, "Soon, my pikin. Soon."

Na later I come know say as Morayo follow am go, e dey fear make she no feel like stranger, make she no run. So every month, e give everything to Morayo.

E trust say she go do right by me, e no know say some people belle no get bottom.

E even leave am for her to send food and meat money come give me.

Sometimes, Morayo go come, dey smile, drop small bag for my table like say na big favour.

At first, Morayo dey send small back, but later she just keep everything for herself.

I hear from neighbour say her pikin cheek round like person wey chop well. My own dey shrink, eye dey big pass face.

Years later, when wahala come out, she go just say, "Maybe the money miss for road?"

She go laugh am off, blame postman or weather. See her mouth!

Ifedike just wave am aside.

E go wave hand, "Na woman matter. Una too like quarrel."

By that time, Ifedike don raise her two pikin, dem get better work.

Even for family meeting, dem go introduce as "Ifedike children," dey raise shoulder for suit. My own son no even get money buy new slippers.

But my son no get proper job, my daughter, as hunger and weakness finish her, drop out marry early.

I dey watch her pack small bag, face long, go marry because food no dey, not love. I cry that night, soak my pillow.

My pikin just suffer for poverty all their life.

Their laugh rare, voice low. Sometimes I dey wonder if na my fault say I no fight reach.

But Morayo pikin, after retirement, dey collect pension, all of dem dey enjoy.

Dem buy car, build house, dey send picture from abroad. People wey dey borrow salt from me, now dey look my pikin down.

My pikin dey vex for me, say I no do anything, but still dey try please Morayo family.

Dem go dey run errand for Morayo pikin, dey find small favour. I go beg dem, "No go," but dem want any small thing.

Even after I die, nobody send me.

Grass dey cover my grave, but people line up for Morayo compound. My heart just stone for ground.