Chapter 2: Run, Gossip, and Jumia Magic

This our school sef, wahala no dey finish. Even after night prep, dem still wan make we run laps.

As we dey run, Chika dey shout, “Omo, na only for Naija dem go use pikin do marathon after night prep!”

Omo, as school life hard, e dey hard. I no sure say Oyibo children dey suffer like this. If you see as sun dey beat person for field, you go pity. Even as night dey come, dem no gree rest, just dey use student life do gym experiment.

Grumbling, I carry the fascia gun wey I buy from Jumia—thank God for Jumia—if to say I follow Mama Nkechi buy for market, dem for sell me fake—and on am.

As I press am, my whole body just dey shiver. No time to waste, sharp-sharp I on am, dey prepare for sleep after stress.

Sharp-sharp, that tingling feeling just spread from my thigh.

Na as if current dey run my body—goosebumps everywhere. My muscle dey thank me, my head dey float. E be like say all my wahala dey melt go another dimension.

The enjoyment reach my head, I no fit hold the sigh wey escape my mouth—na that time, the door just fly open.

My mouth open small, na the kind sigh wey you no fit swallow back. The way door take open, fear catch me. Na so I pause, try compose myself, but the enjoyment still dey my face.

Little Uncle stand for the doorway, light dey behind am, im eyes dark like say you no fit read wetin dey inside.

Omo, e resemble all those Nollywood uncle wey dey catch pikin for film. The light from corridor just make im shadow long, I no fit read wetin dey im mind at all.

My "ah~" just hang for my throat. Shame catch me, I arrange myself well for bed.

No be small shame o. I try gather wrapper, act like say I dey serious, no just dey misbehave. E get as e be when person catch you for corner.

"Little Uncle, welcome."

I try form good pikin, voice low. I know say if I talk anyhow, e go increase my punishment. I just dey pray say e no too notice anything.

I dey fear make im no catch me, make im no add more running join. So as guilt dey worry me, I try off the massager.

As my hand dey shake, I dey look im face, dey beg God inside my mind—God abeg, no let principal hear this noise, I no wan face assembly tomorrow. Nobody wan add extra laps again o, body don tire.

But as I dey rush, my leg mistakenly press the thing to the highest level.

Na so wahala start. That vibration just loud, like generator wey no get silencer. I for wan die, but the thing just dey vibrate loud, no respect for person privacy.

So everywhere quiet, na only the wahala buzzing of the device between my legs dey loud for the room.

I dey pray make ground open swallow me. The sound loud, even mosquito for window go hear.

"Wetin you dey do?" im voice come rough small.

That roughness na sign say e don vex small. I swallow spit, dey find lie wey go make sense.

"I just dey use..."

My voice no strong, I dey find words. I fit dey look like thief wey dem catch for kitchen.

I reach down to grab the thing wey dey vibrate anyhow, im sharply turn face another side.

E no even wan look me, maybe e dey shy or e dey vex. I try off am, but the thing stubborn, na so I dey fumble.

Red just begin climb im ear, like tomato paste wey dem pour for hot stew.

Omo, see as man dey blush! I no expect am at all. E no dey look me, just dey shift.

"Why you dey use this kain gadget anyhow, ehn?"

Im voice dey shake small, but still get control. E be like say e never see this kind gadget for house before.

"Off am."

E talk am with command voice wey no dey accept no for answer. I rush off am, my heart still dey race.

This man dey old so? Small massager dey shake am like this?

For my mind, I dey wonder, abi all these our uncle dem dey form hard guy but body still dey pepper them like us?

Na so e dey suffer—everyday, hunch for table dey work. E no easy for am.

I remember how e dey sit for office, dey press phone, dey answer call, sometimes dey forget to chop sef. Na real wahala be this adult life.

Na so pity just catch me.

I look im face, see say stress full im eyes. I dey reason say, if I fit make am smile, maybe e go forget the wahala wey I cause.

I reason say make I recommend this sweet massager give am.

No be everybody sabi better thing. I gats share the joy. Life too short to dey suffer muscle pain.

So I clear my throat talk:

"No worry to off am. Abeg, come try am by yourself."

I gather courage, my eye dey shine. No shame, just pure offer of enjoyment.

"E dey sweet die."

I even smile, show teeth small, like say na advert I dey do. Maybe if e try am, e go calm down, no go vex for me.