Chapter 1: Fox Spirit Plaza Wahala

Fox Spirit Plaza don start to dey sell fox spirits again!

That place no be small thing for Lagos—na all the correct big girls dey rush there when dem hear say new stock land. The gist for group chat hot, so I wear my best jeans, tie gele make I fit shine among crowd, come hurry go.

By the time wey I rush reach there, na only the last male fox spirit remain.

Na wa o, na so people dey buy spirit reach! I shake my head, but still hustle enter queue—dem say last card fit win game.

Queue full ground—slay queens with lashes wey fit sweep gutter, aunty wey tie Ankara and dey shout price, even one small boy dey beg im mama, 'Mummy, buy me spirit na!' Everybody dey eye that last fox spirit like suya for grill.

The oga for shop bring am out for me with better smile.

The man sef dey sweat, e wipe face, adjust im red cap, then open cage like sey im dey present king—omo, the fox spirit tall, chest out, im face clean reach another level—fine sotey if dem put am for Nollywood, all the babes go dey queue audition. My heart sef do kpa!

But the guy cold pass freezer, e no even bother raise im eyelid when e see me.

That kain steeze, you go think say na son of Oba dem born for spirit world—see as im dey package! Even market women wey dey inside shop begin dey whisper among demself.

The boss look im side, then smile for me like say e dey sorry. “Na the last fox spirit be this wey remain for shop. I fit give you 90% discount.”

E talk am like say e dey do me better favour, even add small wink like say I be im padi. My ear stand. Ninety percent off?

First thing wey enter my mind: nothing wey cheap dey ever good!

I remember that time my Aunty Sade buy fake weavon because e cheap, na so everything scatter for party. But as I dey look this fox spirit, my mind dey turn—make I no go buy wahala come house.

Fox Spirit Plaza dey open only once every year, na only them dey sell this kind fine, sharp, human-shaped fox spirits. As stress don too much for my body, na why I come buy one, make I take catch small cruise!

Even those wey dey do big girl for Instagram dey form queue—abeg, who no like better thing? I just dey hope say my own fox spirit go get sharp sense, abeg.

But this kain big discount—abi this fox spirit get wahala?

I reason am well. As I dey stand, I dey eye the boss, dey wait if e go talk true. My mind dey flash all the times I chop breakfast because of cheap palmoil—nothing good dey come easy for this life.

The boss see as my face change, e come explain, “This fox spirit own waka different. As the rest dey learn how to please customer, na money this one dey chase. No be money everybody dey find now? E fit help you hammer.”

The way oga talk am, e be like say na wise investment I dey make. I glance the fox spirit again—so na money spirit? My ancestors for village go hail me!

Hammer?

That one sweet me o!

My mind begin dey calculate how I go take use am boost my business. E go better if e fit really run things!

Before I gree, I sharply pull out my phone, drop quick WhatsApp voice note for my bestie: 'Babe, dem wan sell me fox spirit for ninety percent off—na scam?' She reply with '😂😂😂 Babe, you no go believe! Maybe na spiritual yahoo boy. Try am! 💃🔥'

“If e be like that, why nobody don buy am since?”

I no wan enter one-chance, so I ask sharp. E be like say everybody dey eye im body, nobody dey look wetin e fit do.

The boss rub im hand, look me. “Dem don buy am before, but the people just dey find im body. E no gree for that kain thing, e run come back!”

This one na correct man—e get principle! For this Lagos, to see man wey get strong mind hard o. I dey reason say maybe na why e never hammer too, but my spirit dey tell me say e go still do beta.

Chai, so na correct guy we dey talk about!

Na my body just relax as I hear am. I dey feel like say my ancestors dey nod for shrine.

“And for our shop, we dey do one month, no-questions-asked return for the same price. You fit try am first, but... if e help you hammer, abeg no dey eye im body!”

E talk am with style—dey laugh, but I sabi say warning dey inside. I nod head like say I be church usher.

I look the fox spirit again.

The spirit just stand, chest dey rise small, but e face still dey stone. I shake head, think say I no go carry last.

Since the boss talk am like that—

If I no try, how I go take know? I adjust my purse, tell myself say na once in a lifetime be this.

No wahala, I go buy am!

Na so I sign receipt, even collect complimentary drink, sharp sharp, package my new ‘investment’ home.