Chapter 2: Gifts, Loss, and the Hairpin

As dem hear say Madam Song don get belle, everywhere for Palm Grove Estate scatter with joy. Women dey fry puff-puff, the smell dey mix with fresh zobo for air.

You go think say harmattan breeze blow good news reach every room. Women dey dance, children dey clap, even old gate man dey smile for him toothless mouth. For our compound, that kind news na like rain for dry season—everybody dey thank God.

Old Mama collect the big man’s message with her own hand, her body dey shake as happiness dey catch am. "This one na big celebration o. I hope Her Ladyship dey alright?"

Her wrapper dey make shrrrr sound as she shift, gripping the paper like say e go turn to yam. The old woman eye dey wet with joy, mouth dey vibrate. If you see her that day, you go know say good news fit truly make old bone dance.

The steward wey carry the message smile, help her stand. "As Oga dey there, Her Ladyship dey kampe."

He bend small, voice soft like say e no wan let wind carry the matter. Everybody for room dey smile, even the small pikin wey dey breastfeed stop suck just dey look the steward.

"The Madam don get belle, Oga dey very happy. He even hear say Her Ladyship talk say plenty young girls dey for this compound, so he dash Madam plenty gift, make all the girls follow enjoy."

As the man dey talk, e eye flash reach my side, but e quick look away like say e no even notice me.

Na that small movement dey pain pass. For this estate, my own na always corner—never front seat. I just dey count ceiling, dey wish say I fit disappear join my shadow.

I stand for corner, my body weak. All night I no sleep, as I just reach, dem summon me come wait for compound, my leg dey shake, I no even fit stand well.

Palm Grove na big place, but sometimes e dey tight like coffin. My chest dey rise and fall like fowl wey chop pepper. Sleep never touch my eye since last night, na so dem summon me, before I know am, everywhere just dey turn for my head.

Thank God, nobody notice me.

I just dey pray for inside my mind, dey beg say make nobody remember say I still dey there. Some small pikin dey run pass, dem no send me. My own na to blend for wall.

When everybody finish, I follow the crowd go back main parlour.

The laughter for parlour dey choke—everybody dey try get piece of the celebration. I waka behind, dey dodge people shoulder, dey pray say make my wahala no spill enter their own gist.

Old Mama still dey bubble, she dey laugh anyhow.

She tap her chest, dey shout hallelujah, even call her neighbour join am. As she dey share kolanut, she no even look face. Na everybody dey chop from her happiness.

True true, Palm Grove Estate don lose better people, na only this pikin wey be Madam fit help the family. The sad part be say, even though dem dey pamper her for years, she no get pikin. Now wey she don finally get belle, Old Mama dey overjoyed.

E be like say all the prayers for local church don finally land. Even pastor fit shout, "Amen!" for this one. Some people dey wipe face, dey remember their own lost hope, but today na only joy dey reign.

The real madam still go dey praise her. "Now wey Her Ladyship don get belle, if she born boy, all these girls go get Madam aunty and prince cousin. E go help their marriage matter reach another level."

She stretch hand, dey draw future with her word. If pikin born, the compound go change, every girl go get beta chance. I fit feel the hope for air, like when new yam dey enter market.

As she dey talk, she touch my senior sister, wey eye dey shine dey look the gift.

Na so my senior sister dey form humble, but her hand dey rub the parcel like say she dey confirm say e real. For her mind, she don already dey imagine herself for party, dey shine.

As I follow her eye, I see one gold hairpin set wey dem put fine coral beads, the thing dey shine like say tomorrow no dey.

If sun touch that hairpin, your eye fit blind. Na something wey dem dey keep for only big woman. I swallow spit as I dey look am, my chest full, then NEPA take light—my own joy just disappear.

Na people from the North bring that one come government house. I don see am before for Mallam Lawal side.

The fine embroidery, the leather smell—e get that strong Arewa touch. The way e dey for box, na only special pikin fit wear am. I remember when Mallam Lawal show am first time, e say na from Sokoto emir palace.

That time, everywhere dark, na only the glowing bead for the crown dey show small light.

The small lantern for him table dey throw yellow light, but na only that bead really get shine. I dey wonder how person go feel if she use am go party—na all the small girls for estate go bow for her.

As I dey look am, he smile, kiss me. "See as you dey look, like say you never see this kind thing before. No worry, I go give you later."

The way him voice soft, e touch me deep. Small hope enter my chest that day, but my mind still dey shake. Na only God know wetin tomorrow dey hide.

Now, to make me happy, na so he dash them the thing.

But this better thing no go reach my hand.

I dey watch from far, dey swallow the pain. My finger dey twist my wrapper as I dey force smile. Wetin I go do?

As I think am, na so true, the real madam smile, send the hairpin go my senior sister room, dey tease am, "Na your aunty send am, so as the main daughter, na your own. Why you dey rush?"

She dey use laughter cover the matter, but she know say all of us dey eye that gift. Na big girl pikin, na she suppose get am. Na so e be for our place—main pikin always first.

At the end, na only some bead hairpins and two box of powder I carry go my own room.

The hairpin na imitation, the powder common one wey everybody dey use. My heart dey fall like mango for harmattan, but I no fit talk. Tears dey my eye, but I just dey form strong.

Kehinde, my only maid wey sabi the real matter, hug the box, dey vex for me. "Madam sef... Oga talk say make you follow enjoy, but all the better things land for first daughter room."

She hiss, face squeeze, she dey carry the matter for head like gala seller. Kehinde sabi book and wahala, na only she dey reason am with me as e be.

I just rub my forehead, no talk. I just wan go sleep.

I throw my cloth for bed, close my eye, dey count the lines for ceiling. Sleep no gree come, but I pretend say I dey fine. Sometimes, na so you go do if you no wan break finish.

I no even expect to see that hairpin set for my hand.

For my mind, I dey use laugh cover the pain. I don know my place since. The thing pain, but my hope no dey for gifts.

Mallam Lawal na Oga Presido. He no know as e go be?

He dey play big man game, but my own na just dey survive. I dey try no let am show for face.

But I no wan think am. Since he no fit give me openly, to dash the compound na wetin he fit do.

Na so I take tell myself say na only God fit settle matter.

Na just to make himself feel better.

Sometimes, I feel say na guilt dey push am. As if say, if he throw gifts everywhere, the wahala go wash. But gift no dey cover secret pain.