Chapter 3: IOU Drama

I tell am, “I don transfer the money, but I don put am for my mama medical card.”

I even show am alert, make e see say I serious. But na so this guy twist face like person wey chop expired kpomo. E clear throat, dey eye me as if na me collect national cake hide from am.

As he hear this one, he vex begin para, “Why you go use my money for your mama?”

He raise voice, draw attention of all the people for open office. Some people don dey peep over cubicle. My own vex come reach another level—how pesin go dey vex say I help my own mama?

I just laugh—anger wan burst my head.

As I laugh, I nearly bite tongue—anger just dey boil for my body. For Lagos, if you no laugh, na your blood pressure go high. My neighbor for Mushin dey always talk, “If cry no go solve am, abeg laugh—na Lagos way.”

Sometimes, the only thing wey remain na to laugh for this kain shamelessness.

I just dey shake head, dey wonder whether na jazz dem use for my colleague. The kain confidence wey dey his body, I never see before. If na for our side, dem go say 'na person wey get two head dey behave like this.'

I look am, still dey wonder. “Na me pay for the food. You no drop shishi. If na to share bill, I for even give you half. But how I go pay, come still give you half of the compensation?”

I raise eyebrow, ask am straight. Even my voice don dey shake small, but I no gree show am. For my mind, I dey remember how he just dey eat the pepper soup, dey clear mouth, dey complain say the meat no big reach. Who dey shameless pass?

I think say I talk sense, but my colleague no gree. He double down, face serious: “Mama Kemi compensate all the customers. I chop there too. I suffer am, so I deserve my own share.”

He even talk am with pride, dey reason am like say na Supreme Court judge. Na so entitlement dey start. Person wey no fit buy common pure water dey claim senior partner for bukka compensation.

I no get energy to argue again. By this time, other people don hear, dem begin put mouth. “Abeg, we be colleagues, no dey fight. Just give am something.”

Even our admin woman wey dey always wear Ankara wrapper just drop her biro, shake head, dey say, “Abeg, make una settle am for office peace.” Another guy for IT dey form peacemaker: “No let small money spoil friendship o.”

“If e dey pain you, just give am one thousand,” one person talk.

People for office too get mouth. Na so dem dey give advice wey easy for dem, hard for person wey dey inside the wahala. Some even dey laugh for corner, dey enjoy the gist.

As I hear all this advice, I just hiss inside. E easy to dey generous when no be your own money.

I fold hand, pretend like say I dey type for system. Printer dey jam for corner, person dey curse under breath. E sweet dem for body to dey suggest sharing when na another person sweat dey involved. Make dem try experience am, dem go know say e no easy.

I really need avoid this kain people. Before thunder go strike, I fit dey near dem.

My mind flash back to wetin my mama dey talk: "If you see person wey no dey shame, abeg waka far." No be every friendship good for the soul. Dem say, "If you follow person wey dey run, check whether e dey run from lion."