Chapter 4: Calculation & IOU Signing

As everybody dey support am, my colleague come dey get liver.

He start to dey bounce leg like pesin wey win lottery. E come dey boast small small, dey loud voice pass before. I notice as e dey tap table, dey look me direct eye to eye, dey show say e sure for him matter.

He talk say one thousand no reach. He see as I spend five hundred for the food, so compensation na five thousand. He dey demand make I give am two thousand five hundred.

He count am for air, break am down like say na accountant. E dey do calculation for phone, dey show me like say na final word. Some people for office begin dey laugh, dey shake head.

I just shrug. “I no get the money. Like I talk, everything don enter my mama medical card.”

I talk am soft, try calm my own anger. But for inside, my head dey hot. I just dey hope make wahala no escalate reach physical.

E no even shake am. He bring out paper and pen, begin write like say na help e dey help me.

He clear his throat, borrow stapler from admin, then begin arrange paper like person wey dey open bank account. Everybody begin dey look, some dey video for phone.

I wonder when this guy turn Good Samaritan. I look well, na IOU e dey write.

He dey write with seriousness. I peep the paper, na so I see IOU. The boldness dey funny me. E even ask, "How you spell your surname?" Like say we dey do legal work.

He write forty-five hundred with full chest, then smile give me. “You borrow two thousand before, now as we share the compensation, you owe me forty-five hundred. Abeg, sign here make e clear—no say I no get evidence.”

He push the biro come my side, dey smile like person wey don chop national cake. Other colleagues dey whisper, dey try hold laugh.

This one really vex me.

For my mind, I just dey ask myself whether na true Lagos I dey or na reality show. How pesin go dey reason like this? If no be say office dey, I for just waka comot.

Na that time oga for office show face. “Meeting dey start in ten minutes. Make una ready.”

Everybody freeze, even my colleague stop to talk. Oga voice always get that command wey dey make people respect am. Some people adjust tie, others dey pack files sharp sharp.

I sabi wetin this meeting mean: layoff.

My chest tight as I remember the instruction wey dem give me. My own mind dey race—who dem go remove? Who go stay? As I look around, na only my colleague dey do as if nothing dey happen.

Headquarters need scapegoat for the downsizing. Oga no wan collect wahala, so he push am give me.

Oga fit smile for face but, deep down, na sharp man. Any small mistake, na another pesin go collect am. As the list dey my hand, I know say na heavy responsibility.

To make am easy, he don arrange transfer for me go headquarters—HR don gree, and e near my mama, so I fit dey look after her.

That transfer na real blessing for me. Even the way HR dey discuss am with me show say dem dey try help small. My mama dey Ikeja, the new posting go make my waka easy, fit even bring her food after work.

Nobody know say na layoff meeting. Dem just dey prepare. My colleague still dey push the IOU: “Meeting wan start. Sign first.”

The boldness of my colleague dey amaze me. Na layoff dey ground, e still dey chase IOU as if na presidential document. Small time, he even begin snap finger make I hurry.

I look am for eye, talk am one by one, “I no go sign.”

I talk am slow, look am deep for eye make e understand say I mean am. The whole office just pause small.

He shock, face like say I slap am. “You dey shameless like this?”

His voice crack, e look around for backup but nobody answer am. For him mind, maybe e expect make dem clap for am.

Me, I no understand how na me be the shameless one here.

I just look am with wonder. The confidence choke. Na so e be for this Naija—if you no get shame, you fit collect anything.

I talk, “My family get problem. I borrow money from everybody. You gree lend me two thousand, then talk say make I treat you. You chop like say tomorrow no dey, finish my five hundred. Who really dey shameless?”

I talk am gently but make sure everybody hear. Some people just dey nod head, dey reason the matter. You go think say na town hall meeting.