Chapter 3: Bestie Advice and New Hope

"I dey suspect say he get another babe," I yarn as I dey stroke Omalicha, dey talk to my bestie for phone.

I dey lie flat for bed, Omalicha dey knead my stomach as if na bread she dey mould. My mind dey heavy, I dey search her voice for small hope.

She just snort. "Una two na just online dating and long distance. Abeg, stop to dey overthink. Break up—e go better for all four of una."

Her laugh sharp, I fit feel am for my ear, but e still sweet me. She sabi shade person anyhow.

I pretend say I no hear her shade, just dey think. "Maybe na him family no like online dating? Or maybe dem too traditional, wan do arrange marriage for am? He talk say he like children..."

My mind dey run different calculation—Yoruba family, maybe them get strict papa wey dey do family meeting every Saturday. I dey imagine different scenario, like home video.

She sigh, "Ngozi, abeg dress up go find real man wey you fit see and touch. Stop to dey worry about man wey only dey your phone."

She dey talk as if na small thing. But I sabi say she get point. Me sef don tire for all this imaginary love life.

I just mutter, "I don see picture..."

I dey hope say e go believe, but deep down I know say people fit snap anything for net.

She scream, "You mean those ab pictures wey fit be from internet? The guy no even show face! For real life, he fit just be one big nerd!"

I just dey laugh, because e get truth inside her wahala. Maybe na true say person fit dey form online, but real life na another matter.

I quiet. She sigh again.

That her sigh long reach my village. My bestie don tire for my case, I know am.

"No be only you. My brother too dey craze for one older divorced woman wey get pikin. Every day, he dey find how to make the pikin like am. He even dey try bribe me make I help am talk to our parents."

I no fit hold am, "For real? No be you talk say your brother fine die? Girls no dey rush am for real life?"

I dey try imagine her brother—the one wey dey always form cool guy for family party. I dey wonder which kain babe fit catch am like this.

I fit hear her eye roll. "You believe? Him online babe na him first love, but she old pass am. Just like you—always dey fear, dey worry. I dey console am for day, dey console you for night. I don tire. Una no dey fear make them scam una online?"

Her wahala just dey sweet me, but na true talk. Na so so online wahala, we dey confuse ourself.

My mind just dey fly. Maybe na true say men now dey like mature women wey don marry before?

I dey try remember how many of my friends dey date younger guys now. E be like say Lagos boys don dey change taste, na mature and independent woman dey reign now.

I look myself—me sef no be small girl again. Suddenly, I come feel childish.

I laugh, dey rub my hand for my face. True true, sometimes I dey act like small girl for love matter. Who no dey?

I look my online boyfriend new profile pic—two pikin dey play together—I just feel somehow.

The thing weak me. I dey wonder if na him children or just random picture. I dey read meaning into everything now.

I shake my head, cut my friend talk short. "Wait, you say your brother dey date mature woman?"

The gist dey sweet me now; I wan hear how that one take happen. I carry pillow, press am for chest.

"Mature? Abeg, na overripe. Make I hook una up? Maybe una go clear una eyes and I go rest."

Her laugh burst my ear. I dey imagine her face, the way she dey roll her eyes.

Na wa. All of us na victim of online love, and na my bestie brother. Looks like I go just run this package.

I for think twice, but inside me I dey reason—why not? If my bestie dey push her brother, maybe na God dey use her talk.

"E get abs?"

I yarn am with full chest, just to catch cruise.

"...E get."

She drop am like say na gold she dey sell.

"E fit flex am?"

Her laugh long, she clear throat before she answer. "...E fit."

I jump from bed, carry Omalicha high like trophy. "See you tomorrow!"

The future dey shine small small—maybe this time, I go fit chop real jollof rice join.