Chapter 8: Loneliness and Leaving

On Tuesday, after evening study hall, the driver was waiting at the school gate as usual.

The parking lot was mostly empty, the streetlights flickering overhead. I spotted the familiar sedan idling near the curb, headlights glinting off the rain-soaked pavement.

Ethan carried Rachel in his arms and got in the car before me.

He scooped her up with practiced ease, her arms wrapped around his neck. For a second, I wondered if they practiced this—or if it just came naturally.

He pressed his lips tightly, his voice low.

His jaw was clenched, concern etched in every line of his face. The urgency in his voice made my heart ache, even as I tried not to care.

"Rachel suddenly fainted. I have to take her to the hospital right away. Go home by yourself today."

He looked at me as if daring me to argue, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

After saying this, he paused, looking at me as if to add,

His hesitation was new. For a moment, he seemed unsure—guilty, even.

"...Is that okay?"

The question was softer, almost apologetic. It made me want to say yes, just to make things easier for both of us.

The driver reminded him,

The driver, Mr. Harris, was old school—a steady presence in the chaos of my life. He looked back at Ethan, concern etched in his lined face.

"Maddie still isn't well. Is it safe for her to take a cab alone this late?"

His voice was gentle but firm, reminding Ethan of his responsibilities.

Ethan frowned. "But Rachel is in bad shape, I can't wait. If I go get a cab now, it'll waste time."

He spoke quickly, as if trying to justify himself to everyone in the car.

The driver glanced at the empty front seat, about to say something.

He hesitated, hand hovering over the gearshift. I knew he was trying to find a compromise that wouldn’t upset anyone.

I guessed he was going to suggest I sit in front and go to the hospital with them.

A part of me wanted to say yes, just to keep the peace. But another part—the part that was tired of being the afterthought—spoke up instead.

But I didn't want to, so I interrupted,

I forced a smile, trying to sound braver than I felt.

"I'll take the bus, it's not unsafe. You go ahead."

I pulled my jacket tighter around me, already feeling the chill of the night air. The words were meant to set us all free.

Ethan quickly told me, "Message me when you get home."

His voice was softer, an olive branch offered too late. I nodded, and the car pulled away.

The driver started the car.

The engine rumbled to life, headlights slicing through the darkness.

Ten seconds later, the car turned the corner and disappeared.

I watched their taillights fade, the loneliness settling heavy in my chest.

Not long after I got home, I opened the app and bought a plane ticket for three days later.

The decision was easy. I clicked ‘confirm’ before I could second-guess myself, the confirmation email blinking in my inbox like a lighthouse in the storm.

The front door creaked open.

The sound echoed through the empty hallway. I tensed, wondering who it could be at this hour.

Ethan was back.

His hair was damp, shoulders tense. He moved with a purpose, scanning the room until his eyes landed on me.

I held my phone, calmly closing the booking page.

I tucked the screen against my thigh, heartbeat quickening. I tried to look casual, but my hands betrayed me, trembling just a bit.

Just as I was about to go to my room, he called out to me.

His voice was soft, almost hesitant. I paused on the stairs, waiting.

I turned around. "Is something wrong?"

He hesitated in the doorway, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Ethan approached, still carrying the chill from outside.

He shivered, rubbing his hands together as he took a step closer.

"Why didn't you message me when you got home?"

His tone was gentle, but there was an edge to it—a need for reassurance he couldn’t quite hide.

"I forgot."

The lie was easy. I shrugged, hoping he’d leave it at that.

I waited half a minute, seeing him look at me with an unreadable expression, but he said nothing more.

He stared at me, eyes searching, but he let it go. I almost wished he’d push harder, just to give me a reason to care again.

I was about to walk past him when Ethan suddenly grabbed my wrist, his tone serious.

His fingers closed around my arm, gentle but firm. My heart skipped a beat.

"Rachel and I are just friends. Today was an emergency. I would have done the same for anyone."

He looked me in the eye, voice trembling just a bit. For the first time, he sounded unsure—like he needed me to believe him.

I was a bit surprised that he would take the initiative to explain.

His words caught me off guard. The Ethan I knew never bothered with explanations—he just expected people to follow.

I patiently waited for him to finish, then calmly nodded.

I kept my expression neutral, refusing to give him the reaction he was searching for.

"I know. I didn't think too much about it."

The lie tasted bitter, but I forced a smile anyway.

Ethan still didn't let go, his gaze unusually uneasy.

His fingers lingered on my wrist, his eyes flickering with something like regret. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I just looked away.