Chapter 4: Letter Without a Name

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All the jewelries, clothes and small things wey Odogwu Nnamdi give me, I leave am for room.

I no wan carry old wahala enter new chapter. I arrange everything neat for cupboard, write small note for next woman. "No vex, no fight. Na your turn."

I no want make the new babe vex, so I burn my wedding dress straight.

As I watch flame dey eat the lace, my eye dey red, but I no cry. Na sign say I don close this chapter. Even Chinyere dey look me with fear, but I smile say, "No be every tear mean weakness."

Half month later, after I change all the workers for my shops, nothing join me and Odogwu house again.

I call my shop manager, change staff, rebrand the shop. New paint, new signboard. My name alone for entrance. I make sure say no Odogwu trace remain.

Everywhere, back and front, I clear all my things.

I walk through the house, one last time. Parlour, kitchen, backyard. I touch wall, touch chair. Everything I ever add, I remove. Even my small mat, I carry am. I close door with prayer: "God, carry my wahala commot."

I rent new house.

The place no too fine, but peace dey. Small garden for backyard, quiet neighbours. For my first night, I lie down, sleep come easy. I thank God.

Day wey I move out, Chinyere cry sotey her cloth soak.

She kneel down for gate, beg me make I no leave. I wipe her tears, talk with soft voice. "No worry, Chinyere. God dey."

"Aunty, why you no wait small… Oga, how im go fit leave you like that…"

Her voice break, she no fit finish. She dey look me like pikin wey lose mama. I hold her hand, rub her back.

"I no be Aunty again."

I smile small, correct her with soft voice. From now, I dey on my own.

I correct her gently.

I pull her closer, hug her. "No worry, your own better go come. Life no end here."

"I no fit carry your contract direct. When he come back, I go come carry you."

I assure her, say I no go leave am stranded. If she need help, she fit come my new place. Loyalty like Chinyere own no common.

I whisper small prayer, ask God make my next journey better.

I wipe Chinyere tears.

Her face swell, nose red. I wipe am, pat her back. "Cry finish today, tomorrow go better."

"Aunty! Aunty!"

Her voice loud, make neighbours poke head for window. I smile, wave dem, carry my bag dey go gate.

Steward run come, hold letter dey happy:

Baba Musa dey run, sweat full face, letter for hand. He dey wave am like lottery ticket. Breath dey shake.

"Aunty, Oga… Oga send letter come, say na only you fit open am!"

He dey shine teeth, dey jump. For his mind, big news dey ground. I collect letter, look the seal. My hand shake.

Chinyere eyes shine:

Her eyes big like torchlight, mouth open. She dey dance small. "Aunty, e mean say Oga don beg you!"

"E mean say Oga don realize im mistake, na apology letter!"

She dey smile, dey rub her hands together. She dey imagine Oga go kneel down, beg make I return.

"Aunty, open am make we see!"

Chinyere dey push me, dey urge me. Her curiosity no get rival.

I look the letter.

I hold am for hand, the weight heavy. I never see Odogwu write me for years. I dey hope say e go change something.

Odogwu Nnamdi never write me letter for years now.

Before marriage, na letter wey make me love am. The way he dey write, dey praise me, call me moon and star. All those sweet words disappear after wedding.

Before we marry, na those letters make me fall for am.

I dey remember one wey he write, say, "Even if sky fall, I go stand by you." Na lie.

"Aunty, abeg open am!" Chinyere dey rush me.

She almost tear the envelope by herself. Her hand dey tremble, she dey look my face like say na national result.

"See as the letter thick—Oga really dey sorry!"

The envelope big, like invitation card for chief party. Hope just dey rise for Chinyere eye. My own heart just calm.

I press my palm, finally collect the letter.

I close my eyes, pray small, "God, if na apology, make e touch my soul. If no be, give me strength."

I open am:

I tear the side, pull out the paper. My eye scan the first line, breath catch.

"I don find Halima. We dey return city soon."

The first words no be sorry. Na as if e dey write diary. I feel cold.

"Halima don slim down. Prepare plenty scent leaf. She like your scent leaf cake."

He dey give me list of things to prepare for Halima. My hand dey shake. Even my own birthday he forget, but Halima own dey his mind.

"Halima room fit arrange. She dey fear cold, like sun."

He dey instruct me on how to fix Halima room. Like say I be house help. I wan cry but I hold myself.

"Halima no like Ankara, na lace she want. Sky blue, palm green, red, deep purple fit her."

I dey count the colours, my mind dey fly. Na as if I be tailor for new wife.

"Halima no like too much jewelry. She like simple, neat things."

Each line na reminder say I no dey for his heart. All na Halima.

"Halima…"

Line after line, Halima. My own name no show anywhere. My existence na shadow.

"Halima…"

He dey repeat her name like chorus for song. My hand dey shake.

"Halima…"

I dey try find my own line, nothing.

Page after page, na only Halima full am.

I flip the pages, hope say maybe at last he go write my name. Nothing. Na only Halima. My heart just dey bleed.

Last line: "Halima dey lonely. Make you arrange dowry for her well. Take extra care."

He even assign me work to arrange Halima dowry, like say I be event planner. I weak, drop the letter.

Eight years wey I know am, three years as husband and wife.

All my youth, all my hope, all my prayer. Na so e end.

Any small hope wey remain for my heart die that moment.

Like candle wey breeze blow, all my feeling just quench. No tears, just emptiness.

"All these things, abeg make you handle am."

I pass the letter to steward, voice low. No strength to explain.

I just pass the letter give steward.

He collect am, dey look my face with pity. I smile small, say, "Thank you."

Turn back.

I turn, no look anybody. My step strong. I leave everything behind.

I no look back. For the first time, I fit breathe my own air.