Chapter 5: When Pain Reach Breaking Point

From that day, Halima begin dey target me.

Every small thing, she dey use me shine. My friends dey notice, but nobody talk. For my mind, I dey try avoid her, but e no dey work.

If I bring out pink tissue, she go shout,

The class go burst laugh. Even people wey never talk to me before, dey notice now.

“Chai! Even your tissue na pink! You wan turn to Barbie doll?”

She go wave the tissue, dey pass am round. Sometimes, she even borrow am to wipe her own face, then throw am back for my table.

For cleaning, if I use wet wipe clean broom handle, she go look boys,

She dey form cleanliness na wahala. Boys dey laugh, dey mimic me for corridor, say, 'See Ify, she no fit touch broom.'

“Princess syndrome dey come o.”

The whole class dey shout, 'Princess!' Sometimes, I just ignore dem, but e dey pain me.

Anytime we dey change seat, if I tire dey move desk and I rest small, she go shout for class,

She go stand for front like MC, dey narrate my every move.

“Princess don tire! Quick, make her knights help am carry desk!”

Some boys go rush, dey form helper. Others go just laugh. I go just dey look ground.

Every time, the boys wey dey follow her go just laugh anyhow.

Dem dey use the matter play for break time, dey create nicknames for me. I no fit talk am all.

At first, Kamsi no like am, try stop her.

E go sometimes frown, talk say, 'Leave Ifeoma alone.' But Halima no dey gree.

But Halima just wave am off, “Na play now. Ifeoma dey always too serious. I dey help her blend in.”

She dey talk like say na help she dey do. Some girls dey nod, others dey roll eye.

As Kamsi hear that one, e nod like say e dey reason am.

E begin dey agree with her, say, 'True, Ify dey always dey carry body.' My chest just dey pain me.

“Ifeoma too dey behave like princess sometimes. Na so all girls dey now?”

He talk am one day for lunch. Na there I know say e no dey see my pain.

Halima knock e shoulder.

She laugh, say, 'No worry, Kamsi, I go cure am.' The boys laugh.

“Abeg o! No put me for that group. I no be like her.”

She arrange her skirt, cross her leg. E be like say she dey act for audience.

Kamsi just laugh.

E just dey play along, no know say e dey hurt me. My heart dey squeeze.

My mind no sweet. I know say Kamsi dey see me as fragile, dey quick vex.

Every time e look me, na with one kind pity—like say I no fit survive without am. E dey make my spirit weak.

Maybe for most boys, to like pink, dey clean, dey weak, mean say you get princess syndrome.

Sometimes, I dey ask myself if na crime to be soft or to dey tidy.

At last, one day, I no fit hold am again.

All the pain gather for my chest. I dey wait for the right time to talk back.

That summer, I follow my parents go Bar Beach, my skin come black small.

That sun no get joy. My leg burn, hand burn. Even my mama talk say, 'Ify, you don roast!'

E no be the first time. Normally, after I stay house two weeks, my colour go come back, so I no dey bother.

I sabi my skin. Small time e go clear, I no dey reason am too much.

After holiday, first day for school, I wear pink shirt under my uniform.

That shirt na my best. The kind pink wey dey shine, even after many wash.

As Halima see me, she shout,

Her voice loud sotey teacher hear am from corridor. Everybody turn face.

“Ah ah! Ifeoma, you black like this, still dey wear pink? You no dey see yourself?”

Her eye dey scan me up and down, like say she be beauty judge.

“No, this one don pass me. Which kind princess black like this? You sure say no be black dog you resemble? Hahahahaha…”

Na that word 'dog' hit me. E pain me pass any other thing. Some girls gasp, others just dey laugh with her.

She and some boys laugh scatter. Even Kamsi join, mouth just dey bend.

Na there I know say I dey alone. Kamsi suppose defend me, but e just dey smile weak smile.

That time, shame and pain just choke me. My body hot, hand dey shake.

I dey reason whether to shout or just cry. My hand dey shake, my voice dey tremble.

As dem dey laugh, I carry my water bottle, pour am for Halima face.

For one second, everywhere quiet—only my own breath dey loud for my ear—before water land for her face.

I no plan am. My body just move. The whole class freeze, even teacher shock.

Halima freeze, begin clean her face anyhow.

She dey shout, 'See wetin you do!' Her powder don melt, lashes dey fall.

She wear makeup, so everything don scatter.

Her eyebrow dey run, lipstick dey wipe. Na real drama.

“Cough, cough… wetin dey worry you? You dey craze?!”

She try clean her face, dey shout like say she wan cry.

“Oh, see o,” I use her own voice, “come school with fake lashes, powder, lipstick—no wonder you no be princess. You dey act for here? Just dey do like Nollywood actress.”

People for class clap, some dey laugh, others dey hold Halima back. Me, I just dey breathe heavy.

Some boys frown, try stop me. Kamsi quick collect bottle from my hand.

His grip strong, e face serious. E look me like say e dey judge me.

“Ifeoma, say sorry.”

He look me from up, frown, e voice cold, dey order me.

His tone no get one drop of concern. Na command, like say I be small pikin.

My eye red, I look am back.

I try hold my ground. I no want cry.

“You no hear wetin she call me? She say I be dog.”

I talk am with voice wey dey shake. Some people nod. Halima dey hide face.

“That one na another thing. You don insult her back. But to pour water for person, you suppose apologize.”

Kamsi just dey talk like say e no get stake for the matter. E no even look my face.

“If you do bad thing, you suppose gree say you wrong. Calm down. No dey do like small pikin.”

E talk am like say na normal thing.

E be like say he dey teach me lesson. But my mind dey boil. I dey wait make ground swallow me.

“Say sorry. Halima no go mind.”

He dey talk as if he dey protect Halima, not me. That one pain me pass the slap wey I never know say dey come.

I hiss.

I turn face, cross my hand, eye him from up to down.

“Make your mama go apologize.”

Na that one scatter everywhere. People for class shout, 'Ah!' Even teacher pause.

Kamsi eye open, e slap me well.

The sound loud like thunder. My neck turn small. For one second, my eye blank.

Even breeze no blow again, like rain wan fall but hold back.