Chapter 1: Pepper and Public Disgrace

I chased after the campus queen, Morayo, for two whole years, only for her to show me pepper sixteen times, no pity at all.

But make I yarn true, if you see me those days ehn—every move na premium mumu. I dey buy shawarma for her and her squad, dey bring flower every Friday, even dey write love letter like old Nollywood lover boys wey never get sense. My padi dem just dey look me, dey shake head, dey talk say, "Tunde, you don dey fall hand for this girl matter." But stubbornness no gree leave my body.

My reputation? E don finish. My gist dey everywhere—boys dey use me catch cruise for hostel, even porters dey hail me. I became the school’s number one laughingstock. I even almost kpai because of am—my body weak, my spirit wan commot.

Some days, as I dey waka for campus, boys go hail me from far: "Campus Lover Boy! Na you we dey hail o!" Girls go point, dey giggle. My matter sef trend for class group chat. Even my mama call me once say, "Tunde, na so you dey shame our family name for school?"

The last time, I try arrange one mad romantic confession for rain—me wey even set the rain up by myself. She just look me from head to toe, face full of disgust: "Tunde, abeg, wake up from this your dream. Even if I die finish, I no fit gree for you."

Rain dey pour like say heaven dey vex. I stand for front of hostel, suit dey my body, rose dey my hand, my boys dey play guitar small for corner. As Morayo waka come out, she just pause, eye me like ant for kitchen. Even the security dey pity me. My suit dey soak, rose petal dey fall for gutter, guitar chord dey hang for air like bad belle. Her words dey cut me pass blade.

That night, na so I go drown myself with drink, then call out to Naija System: "I don accept my fate. Abeg, punish me."

I siddon for corner bar, bottle of Trophy for hand, pepper soup dey my front, but the pepper no even bite me. My phone dey vibrate anyhow. As I scroll, my eyes red. I just dey reason my life—"God, na so you dey look your boy?" Before I know, tears mix with rain for my face, my body dey shake, but I no send. Everybody for there just dey look me one kind.

Lose fifty years for my life? E better pass make dem just wipe me comot for this world.

As I yarn am, I even reason say, "Abeg, even if na juju make you take run me street, make I see am now now." That time, everywhere dark, my mind sef dey darker.

Who go believe say, next thing, Naija System just land:

[Host’s anger value don reach the highest. Automatic target switch in progress.]

I blink sotay I think say na ogogoro dey talk for my ear. My body cold. Na so I siddon, dey wonder whether I don kolo.

As Naija System talk finish, na so Morayo roommate just come, dey drag my sleeve shyly.

My head no gree process am. This one na new chapter?

As I wipe my face, inside me, I dey wonder: if love fit disgrace person like this, how person go survive? I for just vanish, but life no gree me rest.