Chapter 5: Pain, Pressure, and Palace Appearances

I just answer anyhow, go outside catch breeze. The night air cold, I hug my wrapper tight for body.

One person squat outside, dey yawn. I throw am small change, he look up—na brothel keeper. His eye sharp, but e humble quick.

He kneel quick. "Thank you for your blessing." He talk with that voice wey only Lagos area boys sabi—half respect, half hustle.

I ask am, why old song girls no dey?

The keeper laugh. "This work, who dey old? Lucky ones save money, buy freedom, or man carry dem go. The rest—" He stop, eyes deep, like say he remember old pain.

He no finish, but I don understand. For this life, e get people wey no get choice.

"Why dem still dey smile?" I ask. My mind dey find the sense for all the fake laugh wey I see.

The keeper shock. "To cry na work too."

"But if you smile, customer happy, you fit get extra chop money." He shake head, his own smile dry like harmattan.

I ask, "You nko?"

He lower head. "I no get luck to leave. My life dey here." His voice break small, I feel am for my chest.

When my mama hear say I go brothel, she vex. She grab cane, say, "Amaka, you wan disgrace me for palace?" But she no fit flog me, just dey vex for air.

But my papa laugh. "Amaka don grow. Time to find husband." He say am like joke, but I see small hope for him eye.

Mama and my own mama look each other, face pale. E be like say dem dey remember the old fear, say one day my real self go cast.

I act like I no see. "Thank you, Papa, but I still small, man matter no dey my mind." I bow, waka go my room, hide my pain for pillow.

But later, he still send two suitors come. Both boys clean, but their shoe too shine—no real experience for life.

Mama smile collect them, but keep them for her house, dey teach them manners. She dey train dem like poultry, say she dey wait till I ready.

Me, I no send; my own wahala na the pain for my chest. As I dey tie wrap for body, e dey like say my whole chest dey catch fire. E choke like when tight wrapper dey press belle after Sunday rice.

Nanny Ngozi dey make me tie am with cloth every day. I dey suffocate, but she stubborn. "Na Omu’s main wife order." Her face strong, e no get pity for small pikin pain.

I gree. "Everybody dey do am?" My voice low, I dey look for hope.

I hold the white cloth. "Papa nko?"

Nanny Ngozi just face window, dey look palm tree. "Yes—everybody, everybody dey like Your Highness. Young Master Okoro and Young General Musa too." She no let eye meet my own.

I just tie am, no choice. The pain dey press me, but I gree. Na so palace matter dey go.

Next time I see Okoro Chukwudi, I ask am with clear mind, "Chuks, you dey ever feel heavy for chest? E dey tight."

Okoro Chukwudi look me, suddenly deep. "Because the whole world dey your chest. Your Highness get good heart." He voice soft, like person wey dey hide something.

I feel say Okoro Chukwudi no dey hear English again. I dey wonder if na the chest wrap dey confuse him head.

Him voice don rough, no be like boy voice again. I dey look am, dey wonder if e dey hide pain too.

Musa Danladi matter for brothel reach him big brother ear, so dem double him training for barracks, make am carry thorn branch come palace beg.

Big Brother Musa kneel. "Your Highness, my brother misbehave. I come beg." His back straight, his forehead touch ground.

I say e no matter, but my eye no leave Musa Danladi. I dey look the stripes for him back, dey wonder if pain go teach am better lesson.

He no wear shirt, skin brown from sun, muscle show like soldier. If you see the sweat, you go know say e suffer.

And—

He no tie chest wrap.

Just like that, show body for everybody, dey carry thorn branch, dey squeeze face for pain. The whole palace quiet, everybody dey look.

Too rough, no respect.

How young man from good family go dey show chest like this?

No get male dignity!

But somehow, I no fit stop to look. I dey feel strange inside, like say body dey ask question wey mind no fit answer.