Chapter 3: Internet Wahala, Real Life Palava

3

These comments too much abeg.

Sometimes, I dey wonder if na only me dey hear am, or if na another spirit dey follow me talk for head. But truth be say, if you dey Lagos, you go sabi say wahala dey everywhere. My own just get online flavor.

As Aunty Morayo travel for business these few days, I just sit down try arrange my mind.

I try watch TV, play game, read book, but the comments no let me rest. Even as I dey swallow soft amala with ewedu, the comments still dey rush me, no gree allow me enjoy my food. Na so I dey try meditate like those Instagram coaches, but e no work.

Finally, I come realize say the world wey I dey na one old-school romance novel.

The kain realization hit me like NEPA take light for middle of night. I just sit up, dey reason my life like person wey dem just break up with.

Zainab be main female lead, me na the mumu male lead.

I even dey laugh myself. How I go be male lead for story wey I no even control?

That Sade, the assistant, na Zainab first love from school, na him dey cause wahala for my relationship.

I dey suspect say Sade dey reason Zainab pass assistant work. The way she dey look am, dey touch her hand, e dey somehow. But Zainab dey act like say she no notice.

Another wahala na my aunty Morayo...

The matter with Aunty Morayo, e get as e be. Sometimes I dey feel guilty, sometimes I dey confused. Na only for story book I dey see this kain thing.

For the book, Aunty Morayo love me but no fit get me, later she turn dark as the main villain, come be Zainab biggest enemy.

The thing dey pain me, because for real life, I no see am possible. But if na book world, anything fit happen.

For their silent battle, I choose Zainab, cut Aunty Morayo off, no talk to her again.

This one dey pain pass. I dey imagine say I go fit cut Aunty Morayo off like that? My heart no go carry am.

For extra chapter, the woman, as her love turn to hate, lock me for basement three days and nights...

That part of the story dey make my body cold. For my mind, I dey picture one old dark store for our compound, dust full everywhere, window lock. Na so she go lock me inside, no food, no light, only her dey come check me.

To summarize my suffer:

First, Zainab dey wound my heart; later, my aunty go wound my body.

I no even know which one pain pass—heartbreak or beating. As e be, the two just dey scatter my head.

In between, skin hunger syndrome and green tea second male lead dey add pepper...

E be like say my life na fried rice, but all the pepper just gather for my own spoon. Sade dey always dey waka near, dey add her own wahala.

"Which kind talk be this?"

I just complain, still no fully believe the story.

Na so I dey talk to myself, dey try reason whether na true or na just dream I dey.

Even if I no fit understand Zainab, I know my aunty.

She too correct. She no dey form. I know the kain person wey she be; e no fit be true.

How she go ever join Sade to suffer me...

Even if story wan twist, e no fit reach that side. My Aunty Morayo no be that kain person.

"You no well? Why you never sleep?"

Na so I hear her voice for corridor. The thing shock me. I rush cover my phone, adjust my cloth. Her voice strong, but e get concern inside.

The bedroom door wey I close half open, just open.

The door creak small, like old danfo door wey no dey grease. I see her face appear for the gap.

Aunty Morayo come back from trip early this time, never even pull her coat after she reach.

She still dey drag her Ghana-Must-Go bag, wrapper tie for waist under the suit. Na so she just waka enter house, still carry airport smell for body. Her bag dey hang for elbow, face still dey serious. E show say she no even get time rest.

As she see say I dey okay, she start dey remove her watch and scarf.

She just drop bag, dey loose her wristwatch, dey remove scarf like say she wan relax. Her face soften small as she see say I dey awake.

Aunty Morayo fingers long, palm wide, nails neat.

Her hand fine, long fingers like person wey play piano. Her nails just dey shine under the bedside lamp, show say she dey take care of herself.

That dark red silk scarf drop from her cool neck, e get one kind control and style:

As the scarf drop, e twist for air like breeze dey blow am. The thing just add one kain film effect for the whole room. I dey watch am like person wey never see fine thing before.

"Tobi, I bring the aphrodisiac incense for you."

She raise hand, show me the small nylon bag. For her face, I fit see small smile, but e no reach her eye.

Comments:

[Everybody, remember this scarf o. For that extra chapter, e fit show for male lead wrist, neck, mouth, or even...]

[Male lead, you dey confuse yourself. Stop to dey use incense find Zainab. That wicked babe go just carry you go chief’s court. Think of your aunty, she don mad for jealousy, she no fit hold am again.]

[Two things every male lead for female novel need: love mumu and dey always dey beg. Tobi go still try beg female lead. But if I remember well, after dem settle this time, aunty go full dark... Hehehe, I dey wait for three days and nights.]

As I see 'go dark', my heart just skip one beat.

My mind flash back to all the comments, all the warnings. I dey fear, but curiosity dey pull me join.