Chapter 2: Breakfast With Small Oga

After three months of online dating with the wild king, na im he talk say make we see face-to-face.

Me, I gree sharp-sharp, dey happy like say na new year chicken. I no even reason twice—my mind dey fly, dey imagine all those sweet words, how e go be to finally see the king wey dey make my heart do kpim kpim for WhatsApp.

For front of Chicken Republic, I stand dey look the small boy wey stand for my front, my mind just dey reason things.

You know as e be when hope dey high, then reality land you? I just stand gidigba for Chicken Republic, that peppered rice smell choke everywhere, moi-moi and fried plantain dey call person from glass counter. Na so my eye jam the boy wey suppose be my online wild king. My brain just dey process the whole matter like network wey hang.

The boy package like small oga—suit tight for chest, shoe big pass leg, hair shine like Sunday morning. You go know say he try well to look sharp.

Even the way he hold him body, you go know say him mama train am well. He just dey waka like pesin wey wan contest for head boy, small briefcase hang for hand. Na only shoe dey give am wahala—oversized, you go dey pity am. I nearly burst laugh, but respect hold me.

But no matter as he try, you go still see say na primary school pikin.

All the fine suit and shine for head no fit hide say this one na smallie. Him height self dey betray am, even as him dey stand tiptoe to reach my eye, I just dey pity am. E remain make he ask for Ribena.

As I dey look am, the small guy just dey hold meat pie, dey chop am with full enjoyment.

The way the meat pie dey stain am lip, you go know say e nor send anybody. Mouth dey busy, hand dey grease. All this time, I dey wonder if na prank or na real love wey jam mumu button.

I gather myself, ask am gently, "How old you be?"

I bend small, voice low so I no go embarrass am. For my mind, I dey pray say make I hear something like sixteen, even if e small. Make the age difference no too loud abeg.

He drop meat pie, use serviette wipe mouth like Lagos big man for wedding.

The boy just dey do like Lagos landlord. E cross leg, eye me like say I be EFCC.

"Sister, I be ten."

The confidence sef, e dey burst brain. You go think say he go lie, but this one talk true like pastor for altar. My eye just big.

My mouth just shift one side.

I try hold myself, but na so my face betray me. E shock me reach bone. Na ten? I just dey look am like pesin wey waka lost for Sunday school.

An 88-rank jungler.

My mind dey run back to all those games wey we play, the way e dey kill opponents like say na pro. The thing just dey funny me—see small pikin with big-man skill.

Only ten years old.

How e take dey follow me discuss life plans and philosophy?

I remember all those our midnight chat, the way e dey talk about future, dreams, how country dey go. See as e dey quote Socrates, dey reason matter deep. Who go believe say na this smallie?

I force laugh, sip Fanta—e no sweet again. My mind dey ask: who send me message for love matter?

The Fanta no even sweet again. As I dey sip, my mind dey flash all those chats, dey ask myself if I don mumu for love matter. For inside my chest, wahala dey brew.

"Sister, you no like me because I still dey primary school?"

He lean for table, chin for hand, dey look me with those big, shiny eyes, serious like say na WAEC exam.

The way him eye dey shine, e go melt anybody. Even people for Chicken Republic dey peep us. If to say na film, audience go dey shout "awww".

Too cute, abeg.

I just wan scatter him hair. (Who no go wan do am?)

E dey do me like make I just rough handle am small—scatter the slick hair, drag him cheek. But I just hold myself, no wan break him small boy swag.

But you suppose handle pikin heart with care, so I change topic.

My mama always talk say pikin wey dey crush dey delicate, no use big pesin hand take break am. So I just smile, shift topic before the thing go pain him pass.

"No be that one. I just dey wonder how you take get that your deep, mature voice. You wise for your age o."

I yarn am, voice gentle. If to say I fit act, by now I for don collect AMVCA.

Na so im face change, small shame catch am, e no fit look me for eye.

The pride just fall for ground like mango wey ripe. He just dey shift leg, eye dey ground, like pesin wey them catch for kitchen.

"I use voice changer."

E talk am soft, head down, like pikin wey dem catch dey steal meat from pot.

The confession soft, e come out small like breeze. I just look am, my heart just cool—so na so I take dey talk to transformer all this while?

Everything just clear for my head that moment.

You know that feeling when dem on bulb for dark room? Na so my mind clear, every confusion just scatter. This one pass heartbreak, e be like pesin wey chop breakfast, lunch and dinner for same table.

My body weak, I almost cry.

I hold back tears with pride, but my chest just dey pain. See as my online love take end—who go tell my friends say I dey date primary school pikin?

This online love wey suppose sweet—how e take turn to be like say I dey do pikin?

Na question wey no get answer. All the Instagram love quote wey I don post, now e just dey shame me. Abeg, make nobody catch me for here.

I look myself for window—makeup on point, dress dey float like fairy.

Even my eyelash dey dance, dress dey shine. I just dey wonder if na myself I suppose pity or the small boy.

I just dey dizzy, head dey turn.

My head dey spin, as if I drink kai-kai on empty stomach. Na only God fit help person for this kind situation.

As I see say he nearly finish food, I stand up go pay for counter.

I just wan escape, abeg. Make I just pay, waka jeje, before another wahala go land.

Before I fit bring out my phone, the small boy rush come, dey pant, carry one black ATM card show me.

The way he rush, people dey look us. He pant small, raise hand like champion. I just dey wait make him shout "up NEPA" join.

"Sister, my mama talk say man no suppose allow woman pay. Today na my treat."

The boldness choke me. I just dey reason say if this small boy fit grow, na correct husband material him go be. But for now, abeg, make I hold my body.

If no be say na pikin, I for don reason am well for that boyfriend vibe.

If to say he get extra five years, I for don call my girls make dem dey watch my status. But for now, I just package, smile, dey thank am.

We waka everywhere that day, just dey enjoy ourselves.

After the awkward start, I just relax. We waka reach arcade, ride swing, buy popcorn. People dey look us—some dey wonder if na my brother, others dey snap us for TikTok, I no send. Small boy just dey talk, dey laugh, dey show me game, and me I just dey follow play like say I still dey secondary school. My phone full with our selfies, but for my mind, I dey calculate how I go waka comot from this cruise.