Chapter 5: Between Life and Love

He blinked, startled, then tried to hide a smile. “Huh? When did you fall in love?” He nudged me, half-joking, half-concerned.

“Fell for him at a bad moment, lost him at another... My love ended before it started.” I sniffed, feeling ridiculous.

I sounded ridiculous, even to myself. Marcus just shook his head, trying not to laugh. I punched his arm, just because.

The bottled water in my hand tasted like whiskey. Marcus clearly didn’t get it. I took a dramatic swig, pretending it burned.

I took a long swig, pretending it burned. He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t push. I appreciated that.

“Kid, you’re wasted on medicine. You should be a novelist.” He grinned, shaking his head.

I rolled my eyes, but his words made me smile. Maybe I was being dramatic, but heartbreak is heartbreak. No shame in it.

“But I’m committed to healing. If I can’t save hearts, at least I can patch up bodies. At least we still have the right to love.” I sighed, feeling melodramatic.

Marcus’s jaw dropped, stunned by my melodrama. He laughed, shaking his head.

He shook his head, laughing. “You’re something else, Autumn.” He nudged me, trying to cheer me up.

Love comes too fast, like a tornado. It sweeps through, then it’s gone. I’d given up on Ben. When I got the call to give my statement, I wasn’t in the mood. My heart felt like lead.

I dragged myself out of bed, hair a mess, heart heavier than ever. I told myself it didn’t matter. Work came first. Always.

But I went, for work. If a girl shows up with greasy hair, she’s definitely over her crush. I wanted everyone to know it.

I stared at my reflection in the elevator, hair pulled back in a limp ponytail. Three days unwashed—definitely not trying to impress anyone. I smirked at my own stubbornness.

Yes! I’m ending this with three days of unwashed hair! I gave myself a mental high-five. Take that, heartbreak.

I grinned at my own stubbornness. If Ben noticed, he’d know I was over it. Or at least, I hoped he would. Fake it till you make it.

“That’s basically what happened, Officer. Can I go?” I tried to keep my voice flat, businesslike.

The senior officer nodded, and I stood to leave. Ben chased after me, grabbing my arm. I stiffened, bracing for drama.

His grip was gentle but firm. I tried not to look at him, afraid I’d start crying again. My eyes burned.

“What’s up with you?” His voice was low, almost hurt. I bit my lip, refusing to answer.

Maybe he wasn’t used to being ignored. Ha, men—watch me be cold. I felt a twisted sense of satisfaction.

I channeled every drama heroine I’d ever watched, turning my face away, voice icy. My chin lifted, just like in the movies.

Channeling every drama heroine, I shook off his hand. “Officer Maddox, let’s keep this professional. I don’t want any misunderstandings.” My words were sharp, but my heart cracked.

He looked stunned, mouth opening and closing like a fish. I almost felt bad—almost. But I kept my face blank.

“Misunderstand? What are you talking about, Autumn?” His confusion was almost funny. Almost.

“Please call me Dr. Callahan. If there’s nothing else, I’ll go.” I stared straight ahead, refusing to waver.

I squared my shoulders, walking out with as much dignity as I could muster. My heart pounded, but I didn’t look back. Not once.

I must’ve looked pretty cool walking out, or he would’ve stopped me. I let myself believe that, just for a second.

I told myself it was for the best. Better to end things now, before I got hurt again. My chest ached.

“Oh, and by the way—I know some great OB/GYN doctors. If you and your wife need anything, I can help. After all, you saved me.” My voice was steady, but inside, I was dying.

I forced a smile, hoping it looked genuine. Inside, I was falling apart. I clenched my fists, nails digging into my palms.

See? Totally over it. I rolled my eyes at myself, but the sarcasm stung.

I kept my chin up, pretending I didn’t care. But my hands shook as I pushed open the station door. I wanted to scream.

Ben sighed and grabbed my hand again, holding on tight. I stared at our joined hands, hope flickering.

His grip was desperate, almost painful. I turned, surprised by the intensity in his eyes. He looked like he was about to break.

“Autumn, did you see something at the hospital? That’s my sister—my real sister. Her husband was working, so I took her to her checkup. I wanted to find you, but didn’t want to bother you.”

His words tumbled out, rushed and raw. I stared, realization dawning. My heart did a backflip, hope flaring up again. Could I really have been that wrong?

A few words, and I was speechless. My lips parted, but nothing came out. I felt like I’d been hit by a tidal wave.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt like the world had tilted, everything suddenly possible again. My heart soared and crashed all at once.

Thinking about all my recent idiocy—God, I was such a drama queen. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

“Ah!”

A groundhog shriek echoed through the station as I bolted out. I didn’t care who heard me.

My face burned, and I covered it with my hands, laughing and crying all at once. I could hear Ben’s laughter behind me, chasing me down the hall. Relief and embarrassment tangled together.

For days, Ben kept asking me out, but I was still too mortified to say yes. I hid, ducked, dodged. My pride wouldn’t let me cave—yet.

He sent texts, left voicemails, even dropped off coffee at the nurses’ station. I hid behind charts and patients, my pride wounded but my heart hopeful. I wanted to forgive him, and myself.

So, another night, I climbed up to the hospital roof. My secret spot, where the city felt far away.

The city lights twinkled below, the air crisp and cold. I hugged my knees, letting the night wash over me. The loneliness felt different up here.

“Some love ends before it begins. Maybe it was all a mistake...” I murmured, words slipping into the wind.

I whispered to the wind, hoping it would carry my regrets away. The water bottle in my hand felt heavy, the label peeling under my thumb. I let myself be dramatic, just for tonight.

Today’s water was a different brand, not as harsh as last time. It tasted almost sweet. Maybe that meant something.

I took a sip, savoring the smoothness. Even heartbreak tasted different tonight. I smiled, just a little.

“Heartbroken again, junior?” Marcus’s voice broke the quiet. I didn’t look up, but I was glad he was there.

“You too, Marcus?” I sniffled, glancing at him through blurry eyes.

He sat beside me, his presence steady as ever. I glanced at him through blurry eyes, grateful for his calm.

I peered at my confidant through tears. Marcus chuckled. “Nope, my relationship’s solid.” He nudged me, teasing.

He grinned, nudging me with his shoulder. “Sorry, kid. Not all of us are a mess.” His tone was gentle, not mocking.

“Then you don’t get it.” I huffed, turning away.

“If you haven’t been there, you can’t understand.” I wiped my nose, determined to wallow.

I wiped my nose on my sleeve, glaring at him. He just smiled, patient as ever. The silence was comfortable, somehow.

“Marcus.”

“Yeah?” He looked at me, eyebrow raised.

“Does my hair look greasy?” I sniffed, bracing for the answer.

He leaned in, squinting. “Three days again?” He wrinkled his nose, but grinned.

He ran his hand over my head, then sniffed his palm. Ugh... it really stings. Hurts my pride. I groaned.

I swatted his hand away, but he just laughed. "Hey, at least you’re consistent." I managed a weak smile.

“Would you guys date a girl who doesn’t wash her hair?” I challenged, half-joking.

Marcus thought for a second. “Maybe, if she cooks.” He grinned, clearly enjoying himself.

I rolled my eyes, waiting for the punchline. I knew it was coming.

“Why?” I asked, playing along.