Chapter 6: Boundaries, Birthdays, and Betrayal

I wrap my hand for him neck, rub the lips wey I don dey eye since.

My heart dey race. I fit smell the cologne for him neck. I no fit hide my want.

“Kiss me.”

I talk am straight. E shock am small, but I no care. I sabi say Sani no like me, no like my touch.

Sani stiffen, body no relax. But na so I hold, I no gree loose.

Before, I no dey cross line, dey fear say Sani go change mind any time, end the play.

Every day, I dey manage the line wey I no fit cross. But now, I no send again.

But now, if he want something from me, abeg, make we exchange.

Na so love and power dey play for this world. I gree give, but I go collect too.

When those soft, cool lips finally, slowly touch mine, I thank myself wey read book for twelve years.

My whole body melt. The kiss dey slow, but my mind dey run marathon. For that moment, I forget all the book, all the wahala.

Halima, God really no fail you.

I talk am for inside me. Na true, God dey see person heart.

I start to stop reading, stop studying, just dey follow Sani do anyhow, no control.

My books dey gather dust, my bag dey empty. Teachers begin dey ask my friends, "Wetin do Halima?"

As e be, my position for class just dey fall, dey fall.

From top, I land for bottom. Dem dey mark my name for staff room, dey wonder how person fit fall so quick.

First time, I let Amina take first.

For the first time, Amina collect prize for assembly, her voice dey shake as she talk. The whole class dey cheer.

When teacher call her name say na she come first, Amina happy scatter.

She almost faint for stage. Her mama dey cry, dey wave hand for back.

She hold the result, dey look am, finally put head for desk dey cry.

I watch am from corner, my own heart soft small. I know say e mean well for her.

I no miss the proud look wey she give my own result, like say e no mean anything, but I just act like say I no see am.

Amina look me, smirk, like person wey win bet. I just smile, carry my bag.

For my mind, I just think: time to collect my own reward.

Na my own turn, I dey reason. The way I see am, everybody dey collect wetin dey their hand for this life.

True true, that day Sani happy die.

He almost dance for class. Boys dey hail am, girls dey hiss.

He run come meet me, school uniform dey fly for breeze and sun.

He spin me round, laugh dey burst for mouth. I blush, but I dey happy join.

Maybe na why, when he hug me, I still feel small warmth.

I fit feel say e still care, even if na small.

I ask am why he happy like that.

I no wan show say I sabi the whole plan, so I just dey look am soft.

He smile say na because he win beautiful football match today.

He wink, lie wey no pain. I gree smile, make e no spoil the mood.

I smile too.

I nod, act like mumu. Sometimes e good to just dey play along.

Pretend say I no know say that ‘beautiful football match’ no even happen, I just smile, give am hotel room card.

I dey bold that day. As I pass am the card, my hand dey shake small, but I keep face straight.

“Today na my eighteenth birthday.”

I talk am slow, look am eye. I wan make e know say I serious.

“Come celebrate with me, abeg?”

Na small voice, but big meaning. For my mind, I dey open new chapter.

Body no be firewood, na so e be say all those boundary just disappear.

That day, rain fall, power no dey. We dey under candlelight, room cold but body warm. The candle dey drip wax for old Fanta bottle, generator noise dey hum from compound, but my mind dey only on Sani. Everything just dey move as e like.

Sani no even know say he dey act possessive, no know say he dey mark territory say I be him babe.

He dey call me for phone anyhow, dey check who I dey talk to. People notice, begin dey talk for back.

But as woman, Amina sharp catch the change.

She sharp. Na only woman go fit see wetin man dey hide. She begin dey move different.

She begin dey fear.

Her laugh dey loud for class, but when she see me with Sani, she go just squeeze face.

After another night with Sani, Amina block me for bathroom.

The corridor quiet, only water dey run for tap. Her face hard, like rock for quarry.

She look the small hickey for my neck, her eye dey burn with anger, but she still force herself talk with sarcasm.

She point the hickey, voice high-pitched. "Halima, you and Sani no dey tire? You just dey show everywhere!"

“You and Sani no dey tire? Every time, na the same thing.”

She roll eye, try form big madam.

I gently button my shirt to cover the hickey, then look her with smile.

Na my own small revenge be that. I no talk, I just dey watch am, then I smile.

“If I no use my energy on my boyfriend, where I go use am?”

I talk am, voice cool. I dey enjoy the heat.

“Use am for—”

She wan talk book, but I cut am.

I talk am slow.

I dey press her button, dey remind her say na she start this game.

“Book?”

I dey remind her:

I look her, my eyes no blink. The battle line dey clear. For this life, sometimes you go choose man, sometimes you go choose book.

Man or book.

E no easy to get both. Everybody dey pick side.

Amina fit only get one.

Na truth. Life no dey fair.

That day, Amina lose the round.

She just turn, no fit talk. The pride for her face drop small.

I still remember her face.

Her eye red, jaw tight. But she still get small hope say she fit turn the table. I fit see am.

Apart from anger, she still get that look wey mean ‘wait, I go show you.’

Na real warning. My own spirit prepare for next wahala.

And today, na today she wan show me pepper.

As I dey dress, I dey talk for my mind, "Halima, brace yourself. Battle line don draw."