Chapter 2: Timi Na My Padi

Me, I be intersex, and I get secret feelings for my cold, distant roommate, Timi.

E funny sha, for Naija where people dey carry matter for head, person like me no fit shout. If to say na village, dem for talk say na jazz, but for city I dey manage myself.

E happen say na Timi birthday that day. Rain been wan fall that morning, everywhere just cool. You sabi as campus dey, breeze go dey blow, people go dey run up and down with gift and cake. For hostel group chat, dem dey yan about Timi birthday, everybody dey hype am.

Just as e be, the Bluetooth mouse wey I order online land for my hand that same time. Na God hand, abi na coincidence? That delivery agent sef, him just reach gate dey shout my name like say na big man. I rush go collect package, dey reason how I go take give Timi.

Timi mouse don spoil, so my own show for perfect time. I no even sabi who run mouth say today na Timi birthday. People too dey talk for hostel, na their mouth dey run pass generator. If dem hear gist, e go fly for hostel sharp sharp.

Timi na campus fine boy, plenty people dey rush to give am birthday gift. Na so so babe dey flock him side. Even some guys dey rush give am perfume, customized mug, even birthday card wey dem sign as if na class captain.

Me wey get social anxiety, I just dey one corner, dey think how I go fit give am my own present. I dey look my gift, dey fear say my own no go reach, but for my mind, I dey hope say e go touch am small.

As I dey reason am, na im Timi just reach out, hold my wrist, pull me come him side, come bend talk for my ear, "Why you dey hide there alone?"

E shock me. Him voice low, e sweet for ear like night breeze. I smell that small cologne—like wet earth after rain mix with close-up mint. E just dey sweet my nose. My heart do kpim kpim.

I hold the nylon small, dey reason if I fit just waka pass. But Timi eye dey on me, so I no fit dodge. Na so I use the chance give am my gift. "I remember say your mouse spoil some days back, abi? I just get new one, so I say make I give you."

I try smile, but my voice shake. I dey hope say e no go notice.

Na there bullet comments show again.

[He just give himself finish, na real mumu.]

[This mumu no even know say the mouse don connect to him most sensitive place.]

[No be this silly baby be intersex? The thing even hot pass like this.]

[From now on, anytime him roommate dey spin the mouse wheel with im middle finger, this silly baby go dey twist for bed dey stick out tongue!]

E come be like say na spirit dey follow me talk. E dey do me one kind, but I just dey reason say maybe na all this stress dey make my head dey jam.

I just confuse small.

I try ignore, but I dey wonder, who dey inside my matter? Na so dem dey take sabi another person gist for Naija?

How these bullet comments take sabi say I be intersex?

Abi dem put CCTV for my body? Na only me and Timi know. Fear grip me small.

And wetin dem mean by 'linked'?

This one no be juju? Mouse and person, na which kind jazz be this? My body just dey do me.

How mouse wheel come concern me?

I just look Timi finger by reflex.

Him fingers long, fair, the joints dey clear—abeg, na fine hand. The kind hand wey fit play piano or dey write sweet love letter. I just dey imagine how the hand go feel for my own skin, my belly come flip.

When he see the gift wey I give am, Timi eye soft, small smile show. "For me?"

Na rare thing to see Timi smile, e come make my belly do yoyo. My mind dey melt like ice cream for sun.

Bullet comments no gree rest.

[You don give out your most precious thing finish. If he use you play tomorrow, wetin you go do?]

[No too late to collect am back o! If not, you go dey cry dey lose control.]

E dey pain me, but as per Naija pikin, I gats bone face. I no wan look like person wey dey find pity.

But na only this gift I prepare, nothing else.

I reason say make I just drop am for him, no need to talk too much. If e like, e fit dash another person. Na my own way to talk happy birthday.

Na just mouse now, e reach like that?

For my mind, I dey try calm myself. E no suppose reach fight. If e like, e fit use, if e no like, e fit keep.

As I dey lost inside my thought, Timi don already touch the mouse.

Before I fit blink, e don hold am, dey check am, dey turn am round.

Because of the bullet comments, my mind just cut, I raise hand quick, "No touch am yet—"

But my mouth slow pass my brain, e don late.

But before I finish, Timi finger don dey spin the mouse wheel.

E be like say make ground open carry me. Na so everywhere slow down, all I fit hear na the wheel dey spin.

Next thing, I bite lip, small moan escape from my mouth.

Chai! I try hold am, but e just jump out. Everybody wey dey near look my side. Person fit die of shame.

My eye just red, tears wan fall.

E dey pain me, I dey try package. Na so I carry face down, dey wish make I disappear.

People around begin dey look me somehow.

One babe even whisper give her friend, "Na so dem dey behave for birthday? Abi e don drink?"

I quick bite my lip harder, dey try hold myself.

I grip my wrist, dey force myself make I no make sound again. For Naija, small thing, dem go carry am go Twitter.

Timi look me, worry show for him face, touch my forehead. "You sure say you dey alright? Your body dey do you anyhow?"

He bend small, touch my neck, dey check if I dey run temperature. I feel the warmth of him palm, my body shake again.

I quick shake head, say I dey fine.

I just mumble, "I dey okay. Maybe I need water."

My eye just dey on that mouse for him hand.

For my mind, I dey shout, "Abeg, drop am!" but mouth no gree open.

Bullet comments no lie.

Wetin I dey feel dey real pass exam fever. E be like say me and this mouse don really connect.

I dey reason how I go take explain this kind thing. Na who go believe?

Anytime Timi touch am, I dey feel am for my body, for that my private side.

Na wah o. E even dey do me like cold dey catch me from inside.

Regret just hold me.

Why I no just give am birthday card like normal person? See as I take buy wahala for myself.

I wan tell Timi make he return the mouse give me.

I open mouth, but voice just hang for throat.

But before I fit talk, Timi rub my head, "Thanks for the gift. I really like am."

He ruffle my hair like say I be small pikin, e sweet me but shame dey catch me.

"I go dey use am everyday from now."

That statement hit me like NEPA wire for wet floor.

Everyday?

Chai! Na so my body just weak. My mind dey run marathon, fear dey catch me. Wetin I go do now?

My eye just turn, my leg weak, I nearly fall there.

I grab locker wey dey by my side, dey steady myself. My heart dey pound, my throat dry.

Bullet comments just dey laugh me:

[Gift don go, no fit collect am back. Now na him dey control everything.]

[Perfect, the mumu go dey under roommate hand everyday. I dey wait to see am!]

Dem dey mock me, but wetin I fit do? Na so life be.