Chapter 1: Hidden Love and Arranged Vows

The sixth year wey I dey crush on Olumide secretly, na so I waka enter marriage arrangement with am by surprise.

From that moment, my life just turn to one of those old Nollywood films, the type wey your heart dey pound loud but your mouth tight like padlock. Sometimes I go dey ask myself, 'Abeni, how you waka reach here?' But for this Lagos, na so e be—sometimes love go just hide for corner, dey wait make you jam am by mistake.

After we marry, we dey respect each other well-well—every week, exactly two times, we dey use ultra-thin 001 condom. E slim like okro, but e strong pass! Always as e suppose be.

I dey always arrange the packs for bedside drawer, as if say na first aid box. Even Olumide dey count am sometimes, e go clear throat say, 'Abeni, you don restock?' That one sef na part of our silent wahala.

Because Olumide don talk before say: "Marriage wey no get feelings na the most stable one."

E talk am with him steady baritone, like person wey dey quote from Bible or one big man for village meeting. As e finish, he go adjust him wristwatch small, eyes steady, just dey sip water like Lagos big boy wey no want wahala. But I just nod, even though my heart dey do 'kpim kpim' like generator wey refuse to off.

So I hide my heavy love for am sharp-sharp. I remember as my mama warn me once: 'No carry love for head, e fit wound you.' That line dey ring for my ear every time Olumide talk like say feelings no matter.

As dem dey talk, 'if pepper too much for soup, who go fit chop am?' I tuck my feelings inside, dey form madam, dey play my role.

Until Olumide own 'white moonlight'—the first babe wey he love—return come back for the country.

The whole compound sense am, because Olumide waka begin dey come house late. Even Mama Chinyere for next compound dey gist say, 'See as oga dey look like who miss him road.' My pillow begin dey cold.

Na so e start dey stay out late, and e go rather dey take cold shower than to touch me again.

You know that kind water wey dey bite body for harmattan? Na so Olumide dey prefer am pass my touch. Sometimes I go dey hear shower for midnight, I go turn for bed, dey count ceiling.

When I finally ready divorce paper go meet Olumide,

Na so I jam him inner voice by mistake.

[I really like my wife, really like my wife, really like my wife, really like my wife...]

E hit me like NEPA take light for Champions League night—shock and pain together. I just freeze, dey look Olumide like say na masquerade appear for daylight.