Chapter 1: Wedding Night Wahala

The young master of Aba’s high society crashed his car during a midnight street race and ended up with him brain no too correct again.

Omo, the whole city talk am tire—every corner, from Isi Gate to Ngwa Road, people dey whisper about how Obinna, the only pikin of Okoli family, just knack his brand new Mercedes for express. Even the suya man for junction dey use Obinna gist chase customers. Some say na jazz, some say na pride, but as I hear am, my heart just shake small. Street race no be beans o, especially for person wey get all the money for life.

My engagement to him was suddenly brought forward.

See as dem rush matter—before my people fit talk, Okoli family don land for our house, dey talk urgent wedding like say na fuel scarcity. My mama dey press phone dey pretend say e no surprise her, but I sabi say for her mind, na big jackpot she dey see.

His grandfather gave me an offer: if I fit carry belle, he go dash me three hundred million naira.

I swear, when Baba Okoli call me enter him big parlour, with that him ogbonge red cap and slippers wey big pass my face, my ear almost burst as he talk that kind money. Three hundred million naira! My legs nearly cut. Even my ancestors for village go dance if dem hear am.

On our wedding night, I looked at the mumu on the bed—he no even notice my fine nightgown, just dey play with his plastic Power Ranger. I vex.

The thing pain me no be small. The satin wey I wear na imported, I tie gele for head—my gele high like new bride for Saturday morning, my perfume dey choke—still, na only that yeye toy dey his eye. For my mind, I dey reason, na so life be? I dey for honeymoon dey compete with plastic man.

I grabbed the toy from him and stuffed it inside my cleavage. If you no sharp, na there e go sleep till morning.

With a sly smile, I bent my finger at him. "Come find am, I go give you."

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1

Obinna’s head fit dey shake, but his body na correct spec.

If you see the bobo, you go fear God—shoulders broad like say e dey carry Aba market for back, waist slim, chest dey show for under even ordinary singlet. All those muscles, omo, e go make even gym instructor humble. The type wey fit stand for club entrance and bouncers go salute am.

Wide shoulders, slim waist—him muscles be like say God carve am by Himself.

I remember how women dey gossip for church, dey use style dey look am anytime he waka pass, even the choir mistress dey adjust wrapper. If to say Obinna no dey stubborn, e for turn celebrity for this Aba.

Just one look, you go know say this guy fit handle any wahala—or person.

I dey remember when touts block me for street, na Obinna just land, flex biceps, the boys vanish. Him presence dey strong, e get that kind aura wey make person calm.

He get everything wey dey make woman craze.

Omo, check am—height, skin, money, even him teeth white like say na toothpaste ambassador. Sometimes, I dey wonder wetin I do wey God remember me give me this chance.

But now, this fine body dey under the control of a brain wey don get problem.

E pain me, I no go lie. The Obinna wey sabi give one look, everywhere go cool, now dey chase cartoon up and down. As I dey look am, e be like say I dey watch Nollywood film.

All wey dey his mind na superhero.

If e no dey talk about superhero, e dey draw am. All the wall for guest room, na cartoon sticker full am. Even my phone, na to set superhero wallpaper e dey beg me.

I adjusted the deep red lace nightdress wey cling to my body—the neckline deep well well, my light skin dey shine for the bulb light.

I tell myself say tonight, na tonight. I brush skin till e soft, rub shea butter, spray small vanilla scent. I check mirror reach four times—omo, I fine die. Even my neighbor for hostel no fit try this look.

Still, he no even send me.

I waka pass am, turn back, stretch hand for light switch—nothing. The boy dey press toy like say e dey do midnight devotion.

Me, Amara—fine babe, correct shape—men dey rush me everywhere I go.

No be brag, na fact. For Union Bank queue, even the security dey toast me. My DM dey full with "hello dear" and "good morning angel."

Which day dem ever ignore me like this?

Na wa o. Even when I wear net wig go buy pure water, boys dey greet me. Even one time when I wear house dress go buy recharge card, the aboki boy still say, "sister, you too fine o." Now, na this Obinna dey show me pepper.

I snatch the plastic Power Ranger from his hand, push am inside my chest. If you no sharp, na there e go sleep till morning.

I no even send—na so I use small force collect the toy, stuff am between my breast. The thing sharp, cold—omo, e shock me small.

The cloth thin, the hard toy dey press my skin, e no even comfortable.

If no be for the money and family talk, who go dey do all this kind wahala? But sharp babe no dey fall hand.

"You want am?" I hook my finger, dey smile like person wey get plan. "Come collect am by yourself."

I use my most wicked smile, tongue touch teeth—my eye dey shine. If na normal Obinna, by now e for dey beg.

At last, Obinna raise head.

His thick black eyelashes frame eyes wey pure like puppy own.

Omo, see as the eye pure—like person wey never chop sin before. If to say na film, na this kind eye dem dey use catch woman heart.

His eye just dey my chest.

As in, no shame at all. Him eye dey fixed for my chest like say na plate of isi ewu I hold there.

The guy look desperate.

"I no sabi reach there, help me na," he talk.

The way he talk am, e weak me. The voice soft, low, e get one kain innocence. I almost laugh.

I lean forward on purpose, open my chest more, dey tempt am. "Look well now~"

I press small, shift the lace down, show skin. My voice dey low, dey sweet like honey.

His Adam’s apple just dey move as he swallow, his eyes dey follow my body up and down.

See as he dey look me—omo, if na normal day, I for don surrender. My body dey answer him, even if him brain dey play.

My breath dey rush, my chest dey move.

I try control myself—no go lose guard for mumu. But my chest dey move, breath dey scatter. No be small work.

"You don see am?" I tease am.

"Red," he answer, him cool voice just enter my body like electric shock.

The guy dey seduce person without even knowing, I almost weak for there—but I still dey tease am.

For my mind, I dey shout: who dey seduce who now? See how my leg dey shake.

"No be red, na pink."

He frown, serious. "Superhero dey turn to red when e transform."

This boy get mind o. See as he dey use toy drag color with me. Even small pikin dey reason pass this one.

…

Right now, I just wan beat am make im body turn red finish.

I squeeze my hand, tell myself make I no throw slap. No be him fault say e dey act like five-year-old.

But as I dey look that fine body, and dey remember the three hundred million wey dey wait for me,

My chest dey calm small. Money no dey smell, na so dem talk.

I try calm myself.

Na so I close eye, count one to ten, imagine alert enter phone. Three hundred million go solve all my wahala—house, car, shop for Aba main market.

"Since you don see everything finish…" I make my voice soft, my finger dey trace my neckline so his eye go follow. "You no wan carry am out by yourself?"

I waka softly for the carpet, close the space between us. The bottom of my nightdress dey swing as I dey move.

I dey do catwalk, small small steps, feet dey touch soft rug—omo, I fit win Miss Nigeria for this night.

Obinna’s eyes dey deep, I no even sure if na me or na that plastic Power Ranger dey move am.

I dey wonder whether na me or na toy dey ginger this boy. My mind dey race.

But as he dey come close, I almost wan thank superhero.

Omo, if to say I know before, I for buy full carton of plastic Power Ranger.

Closer and closer.

Obinna bend down, his dark eyes dey my chest. His warm breath dey touch my collarbone.

The thing dey make me tingle. My skin dey rise, I dey feel every breath.

His long, neat fingers just one inch from my skin—just small, e for touch me.

I dey hold breath, dey wait. My own hand dey shake small.

I hold my breath, heart dey drum—

My heart dey do kpom kpom kpom, like generator wey dem just start.

Then this stubborn man just turn, open drawer, bring out another plastic Power Ranger.

You dey whine me…

For my mind, na so I shout, "Ewo!" Omo, see play. If frustration fit kill, by now I for don kpeme.

When he dey normal, he dey form hard guy just to pepper me.

E get one time for university, Obinna go ignore me for party, dey toast my roommate. I still dey remember how I vex that day.

Now wey him brain don shake, e still dey show me pepper.

No wahala, Obinna. Make we dey look.

My grandma dey talk say, "patience na virtue." For this one, I go prove say I get.

For three hundred million, I fit fry akara for Okoli compound naked.

If na to climb roof, I go climb. For that money, I go fit waka naked for Aba main market.

Tonight, even if I go work like farm picker, I must sleep with am.

If e mean say I go dey dig ground, I go dig. This money no go pass me.

No matter how e be, tonight, I go collect my own.