Chapter 5: Tea, Gossip, and Office Confrontation

This morning, after Suleiman commot, I throw my glass of tea for TV again, as usual. The sound no dey loud as before, but e still pain my ear. Normally, the house girls go just warm another one bring for me. Dem no even dey talk again, dem just dey do am as if na daily work.

But today, I no want am. The taste dey bitter for my mouth. Before, I like tea well well. For school, my mama dey always make me carry one flask go every morning. She go say make I drink, make I strong for class.

But one day, as I reach class, Suleiman sit down for the desk wey dey my front. He tall that time, as he bend, im shadow just cover me. I hear laugh, then person talk, "Make we play, Oga Sule!"

He smile, stretch hand give me. I give am my tea. I trust am, small.

He open am, before I fit even smell am—He pour the tea for my head. The hotness shock me, my scalp burn. My nose, my neck, my shirt, my skirt—Everywhere just dey smell tea. But na only me dey cry, everybody dey laugh. The girls for back dey snap with their phone.

"See as she be! Who she dey try impress?" "Ah ah, Oga Sule, your wahala too much..." Dem dey hail am, laugh dey burst for class.

He rub my cheek with im thumb, sit for my front, rest im chin for hand. He pinch my chin, look me for some time, then hiss: "You ugly."

...

So now, I just hate tea. But maybe na Suleiman I hate pass. Sometimes I dey wonder which one dey pain me pass. When I throw away the second glass of tea today, the house girl wey bring am nearly kneel for me.

"Madam... abeg drink am..." She dey shake small, she no want Suleiman come vex say I no chop.

I turn face, talk say I no want, then see the landline wey dey near the sofa. I crawl reach am, press the only button wey fit call one number. My finger dey shake, heart dey beat fast.

But this time, the voice wey answer na man, but no be Suleiman. "Madam Zainab." Na Suleiman driver, the one wey dey always drive. I fit recognize im voice anywhere.

"I wan talk to Suleiman!" My voice high, almost break.

"Im dey for meeting, Madam Zainab..."

"Then I go come there!" My mind don make up. I no even wait, I just end the call. The beep for phone loud for my ear.

This estate gate tight well, but as I talk say I wan go Suleiman office, dem just open for me. The gate man greet me, call me 'Madam' with im thick Hausa accent. Na maybe the privilege of being Suleiman fiancée be that.

Nobody stop me, I waka reach top floor. The lift cold, e climb slow, my mind dey beat like drum. As I wan enter meeting room, im driver stop me. "Madam Zainab, abeg wait for lounge next door..." He dey whisper, look left and right.

I just push the door open. My leg dey shake but I no send anybody.

...

Sometimes, I no even know wetin I wan do. Maybe na say I wan drag another person join me for my darkness. Or I just wan make wahala, spoil everything for myself. That way, I no go care if person like me fit ever get peace. The pain for my chest dey rise, I no fit hold am.

The conference room full of old men. Big belly, fine agbada, some dey shine bald head, others dey wear cap. So Suleiman, wey dey head of table, just fine pass everybody for there. Even for suit and tie, e stand out. Everybody dey look me—over forty eyes. Dem mouth open, dem wonder who get this boldness.

AC cold like harmattan, but sweat dey my back. The cold just enter my bone, make my leg soft. Then, sharp sharp, person carry me up. Na the first time I smell smoke for Suleiman body—cold and wicked, just like am. "When you reach here? Ehn?" I just hear am dey shout for im workers, but now, im face change sharp sharp! The people wey dey meeting dey shift chair, dey look ground.

As he dey talk to me now, im voice soft. "Zainab, you dey craze? You fit tell me if something dey worry you." The way he touch my back, I fit feel say e no wan shame me for front of people.

...

Because of me, meeting scatter small. Before I know, I don dey for im office. Im office big, top floor, you fit see all the buildings for city. The window big, the glass clean, you fit see far. As you look down, e be like say you fit control everybody life—Like say you fit press person like me like ant.

He throw me for the bed wey dey lounge next to im office. The bedsheet soft, e smell like foreign perfume. He bend over, dey lose im tie with one hand, the red silk just dey fall from im hand. I come realize—maybe e vex say I burst im meeting.

To talk true, He no dey always pamper me like that. "You miss me reach like this today?" He lift my hair from bed, dey play with am. The way im finger pass through my hair, e dey gentle, like say e dey touch gold.

I just dey look am. "Suleiman, you get tea for your office?" He freeze, like say he no expect am. This lounge na im private, im shirts and suits dey scatter for bed. I see im wristwatch for table, e shine like sun.

After small time, he bring out one carton tea from fridge, give me: "No dey for house...?" He no finish, because I collect am from am. I open am, pour am for im head. The tea cold, e drip for im face, wet im shirt.

He just surprise for one second. He fit dodge am. But he just stand, let me pour all the tea for im head. The tea dey soak im hair, e dey fall for collar.

I look up at am—and see, even like this, im face still too fine. "Suleiman, na so you pour tea for my head that time!" I tell am, word by word. My voice dey shake, but I no care.

...

Maybe nobody fit make am look this mess up. Tea dey drip from im face, he just dey clench jaw, but last last, he laugh small. The laugh rough, e sound like something wey break for inside. Maybe, as he bring out another carton of tea, I no even reason wetin he wan do. But as he open am, my eyes big, I know wetin dey come.

The tea cold die, as he pour am for my head, my body shake. I feel am for bone. Tea dey run my jaw, enter my shirt. My bra dey soak, I dey shiver.

Turns out, cold tea different from wetin I remember. This one sting, e shock my skin, make me dey laugh small for inside pain.

...

I dey hear house girls gossip say I dey craze, say why I no wan this kind marriage. Dem dey whisper for kitchen, dey shake head, dey pity me. Dem go whisper for kitchen, dey talk say madam don craze again—dem dey pity me, but dem no fit talk am loud.

But the Suleiman for my front, na im craze pass. Maybe I just shock too much. After he pour the tea, he even help arrange my hair for my face: "Now, you and me dey the same."

I push am away hard. "Zainab, you know say e no good to make me vex, abi?" He pinch my chin, I no even fit move. The pain na small, but the shame big. To talk true, I no really fear am. I just no want make he vex—na strange feeling. Maybe I dey fear wetin fit happen, or the memory just too strong.

He carry me go bathroom. Steam dey cover im face, the light dey shine anyhow. The mirror dey fog, we dey look like ghost for there.

"Suleiman, seven years don pass. Why you come back for me?" I ask am, my voice don dry. My throat dey pain me from all the shout and tears.

As usual, im answer na silence. He just dey look me, im face blank.