Chapter 1: Remote Control

He no wan commot house, so I just comot him cloth.

Na so e dey be for some Naija men—dem go dey carry body like say dem dey vex for the whole world, but once you sabi the code, na you dey hold remote control. I fit feel am for my chest, the way e dey try hold back, like say pride dey drag am, but e body no fit lie. Na that small victory dey always sweet me pass.

Today sun dey shine scatter. Sun dey roast like suya stand, even palm oil dey melt for bottle. As sun dey blaze, husband, your own... you know na.

That kain sun wey dey make skin dey pepper, breeze sef no gree blow. For this our Lagos, once sun dey mad like this, na wahala sure. But na so my mind dey hot join. As I dey look am, my body dey itch. I dey remember my mama: "Sun fit shine outside, but your own must still dey shine inside house."

E go lock himself for bathroom dey vex, I just waka enter, courage dey my body.

Dem go talk say woman no dey shame, but abeg, na marriage we dey—wetin remain wey I never see? I balance my courage, waka inside, chest dey raise small. If na before, I for freeze, but after all this wahala, abeg.

"Honey, why you dey take so long inside there? And as you dey take long..."

I bend head small, voice soft, but my eye dey watch am. I sabi say if I talk too harsh, e go lock up. But I dey find that opening—if e like, make e dey form stone, na me still get remote.

E talk say he no go chop, I just carry hand slide enter him shirt. My hand shake small before I yank the towel—if na before, I for freeze, but today courage dey my body.

I no even let am finish talk, my hand just find way under that shirt. For Naija, na so woman fit ginger man—if dem no gree for mouth, body go tell another story.

"If you no chop, your abs go disappear o. As I dey talk muscle, make I touch am small..."

I talk am with smile, my eye dey shine. I sabi say compliment dey move man body, especially man wey dey form hard guy. I touch am small, like say na play, but my mind dey serious. For Lagos, if you no sharp, dem go collect wetin belong to you.

Later—

Na so I discover say na villain him be, I just run dey go.

You fit think say na film, but true true, as I see as e eye change, my body cold. Na so I take run, leg dey shake, slippers dey fall. For my mind, I dey pray make this one no be the kain wahala wey go end for townhall.

Who know say him go catch me, tears dey fall from him eyes, begin dey remove him cloth by himself.

I shock as I see tears. For Naija man, to cry for woman front na big thing, so e move me. Na so e dey pull shirt slow, like person wey surrender for pastor. My chest tight small, na real emotion dey there.

"Wife, I no go tell you no again. Na only you fit comot my cloth. You want make I yarn sweet or make I talk dirty?"

The way e talk am, voice low, na so my body just weak. In this Lagos, if man drop pride like this, e mean e dey ready to surrender. For my mind, na so love dey confuse person. I no fit talk anything, na only my chest dey drum.

Bullet Comments:

[Forcing person wey get autism to dey talk dirty for bed—na achievement be that.]

[Who notice say the villain first waka go buy that ultra-thin 001 condom?]

For area wey gist dey fly, na all this kain talk go full WhatsApp group. Na achievement be that, dem go say. My body dey hot as I dey read am.