Chapter 2: Guilt, Pain, and Small Hope

Wetin be all this?

My mind dey scatter, thoughts just dey fly everywhere. I shock, no dey look road, na so my head jam glass door—gbam! Everywhere dark for my eye.

You know that type pain wey reach inside bone? I nearly shout, but pride no go let me. My hand fly go my forehead as I stagger back, na so tears nearly drop. Na that time, next thing, na plenty memories just rush enter my brain, my blood dey rush for my ear.

So... na me be the cannon-fodder sister for one kind romance story, no plenty scene, and my brother na the main wahala boy. E suffer as pikin, depend on him sister, later go fight the main guy because of woman—last last, e go lose everything, waka for nothing.

The thing shock me, like say person pour cold water for body. My head dey calculate, na so I dey imagine film for my mind, everything dey play like DSTV African Magic channel.

Wait first.

I catch the important part: My brother go get money reach like small country for future, dey compete with the rich main guy?

My heart begin beat gbagam—na true? Abi na poverty dey make me hallucinate?

I press my lips, turn look Shina well well, check am from head reach toe.

The boy look gentle, but e get one kind stubborn fire for eye. E sef dey look me, face strong, no dey show anything, but if you look well, you go see say worry dey him eye.

Because e no chop well when small, e short and slim, but e face make sense.

E get that kind stubborn jaw wey some men get, like say nothing fit shake am. When e grow finish, girls go rush am.

As I dey think, I feel small hand dey pull my shirt.

Na Shina hand, him finger cold, grip small small but steady. I clear my mind, see say na Shina, wey never talk since.

Maybe because e don dey depend on people since e small, e dey different from other children—cold, always dey hide.

E never get friends for street, even for church, e just dey corner, dey watch, like person wey no trust anybody. Me sef, I dey school most times, no dey house, sometimes I go ask am two questions, e go just keep quiet.

We be siblings for mouth, but body no too close.

"Wetin happen?"

I pause, ask am.

My voice come out soft, like say I dey try make am trust me that moment. I even bend low small, so e go see say I serious. Suddenly, those WhatsApp comments flash for my mind again. My phone dey vibrate for bed, but na only for my mind WhatsApp dey ring.

E dey blame me say I carry am commot from that house wey food and cloth no dey finish?

For my chest, I dey fear, but I no show am for face. Before I finish the thought, I see as this my brother, wey always dey keep face, drop him eye, like say e dey struggle. Him long eyelashes dey shake like butterfly. After e pause reach, e talk, voice low: "I’m sorry."

E voice weak, like say e dey beg for inside, but e no fit raise head. E wait, then add: "I no suppose greedy, say make I follow aunty go amusement park..."

E voice low sotay e nearly vanish, shame just dey inside am.

The thing pain me, e shock me. I no know say my small brother dey carry that kind guilt for mind. As e talk, I just feel one cold breeze pass my body.