Chapter 4: My Wahala Like Stubborn Shadow

She pair me with Morayo for cleaning.

Teacher say na punishment. Morayo dey always waka early, leave work for me. The dust, the sand, the chalk, all na my portion.

That night after prep, everybody don go, na only me and her remain.

The corridor dey dark, only generator dey hum, and harmattan breeze dey blow dust for my leg. I dey sweep, she dey paint her nail.

She no even plan clean, leave everything for me. She know say if I no clean, tomorrow both teacher and class go find way disgrace me.

If sand dey ground next morning, dem go call my name for assembly, dey shout my matter. I just dey clean, dey sweat.

She carry bag dey go, I block her, "Morayo, I no do you anything, abi?"

My voice dey shake, my hand dey sweat for broom. I dey beg, my eye red.

She turn, face strong, "No, so?"

She dey chew gum, dey swing bag. Her voice cold, no smile for her face.

"Why you dey do me like this?"

I stand for door, dey block her road. I dey hope say she go talk true.

She pause, "Because everybody dey happy. You no see say school dey boring? I just wan give people something to laugh about."

Her laugh dey short, but the thing cut me. I just dey look am, dey wonder if she get heart at all.

I hold broom, block her.

My grip strong, but my body weak. I dey fear, but I no gree move.

She stop, laugh, "You wan beat me?"

She open teeth, flash her gap. Her eyebrow dey up, she dey wait me.

She wait, but as I no move, she waka pass me, bang door go.

Her perfume still dey for air. The door bang echo for corridor. I just stand, dey look shadow for wall.

Night deep, breeze dey blow, curtain dey shake. I hug my knees, cry for ground.

The moon dey shine small from window. My tears dey soak my skirt. No light for class, only my sob dey ring.

I hate Morayo, hate teachers, hate school, hate harmattan, hate myself.

Harmattan dey dry my skin, my heart dey dry too. I dey curse everything, even my own name.

I hate say I carry my mama blood, soft, no sharp brain, no fine face.

I dey bite my lips, dey press my head for knee. For my mind, I dey wish say I be somebody else. I dey pray make morning no come.

Teacher tag my mama for WhatsApp group, disgrace me say I dey press phone during night prep.

Dem post my name for group, say, "Parents, warn your children." My mama see am, call me inside room.

My mama dey watch me chop, she say, "Zee baby, abeg use prep time read, no dey play phone."

Her voice soft, she dey push stew near me, the smell of ogiri and crayfish dey strong for table. She dey beg with eye, dey hide her pain.

"After homework, try read ahead, check your correction book. You dey top ten for city school before, why your result drop for this midterm? No dey look phone anyhow."

She dey squeeze her hand, dey look table. I dey force swallow yam, no fit look her eye.

"Na only me dey hustle for you, try work hard, no let your papa wahala disturb you..."

She dey talk, but I just dey cry, dey force food for my mouth.

Tears dey drop inside plate. My hand dey shake, I dey wish say she go stop talk.

My mama dey try, she no go school much, no get big work.

She dey always dey say, "If to say I get better education, your life for easy." I dey feel her pain, but my own wahala dey heavy for chest.

One family person get food contract for factory, na there my mama dey work.

She dey pack lunch for worker, dey run up and down, dey collect change. She dey pray make dem renew contract every month.

She dey leave house 6am, come back 3pm, go again 5pm, return 9:30 night.

Anytime she come back, her leg dey swell, but she go still smile, dey gist me small story.

Four thousand naira every month, every kobo hard to get.

She dey cut soap, dey measure rice, dey patch skirt. I dey help her sew button, she dey thank me, call me "her engineer."

As she see me cry, she rush console me, "No vex, mama no mean to blame you. I no dey stop you from play. No worry, just chop. Na my fault to talk am."

She carry me put for chest, dey rock me small like baby. Her tears dey drop too, but she dey hide am, dey wipe face with wrapper.

She fear say I go vex, she hide for kitchen.

She dey open pot, dey check food, dey clean plate wey no dirty. She dey talk for herself, dey say, "God abeg, help my pikin."

I dey cry, she self dey cry, dey wipe tears for back.

Na so Naija mothers dey be—dem go dey strong for you, but for inside room, dem go cry their own.

I no fit tell my mama say dem dey bully me for school.

If I talk, I go break her heart. I no want add wahala join her load. She dey always pray for me, dey call my name for midnight prayer.

If she hear, she no fit help me, if she go school, my shame go worse, she go still suffer insult wey she no deserve.

If she show for school, everybody go look her with that eye. Na so Naija community be, if wahala reach your house, everybody go sabi.

I lock myself for room the whole weekend.

My curtain closed, my book scatter for bed. I dey listen to generator hum, dey count ceiling line.

I force myself read, force myself do exercises.

Every word for book heavy. My biro dey run, but my mind dey empty. I dey wish say I fit disappear, make ground swallow me. For Naija, once dem give you name, e dey hard to wash am commot. I dey pray say make result change my story. But my wahala just dey follow me like stubborn shadow—no matter where I run.