Chapter 2: Confusion, Lies, and Lagos Reunion

Na my small niece, Zikora, dey disturb me since morning—she want that Elsa Princess umbrella wey dey trend for WhatsApp. As my bestie, Tomiwa, dey waka for market, I tell am make she help me buy one.

That Zikora no get wahala, but if she want something, na government contract. She go just dey repeat am, dey drag my wrapper up and down the whole house.

Later, as sleep dey near my eye, I pick my phone, send Tomiwa message:

[Baby, you don buy that small umbrella?]

She reply me quick: [Small umbrella]

She sabi catch gist, e no dey tire her.

But as I dey reason am, my mind dey twist. Sleep dey drag me, but the chat just dey somehow for my eye.

I look well—na there I see the profile picture and name. My eye just dark.

Na that my wahala ex-boyfriend, Seyi, o.

Na so my body just cool, like when rain beat you for Danfo and conductor still collect your change. You know that kain shock wey no dey gree commot?

I sharply delete the message, type explanation:

[Sorry, I send am to the wrong person. Abeg, just act like say you no see am.]

I dey pray make e just lock up. Na so I press send with fear.

As I send am, na so doorbell ring. Na like African Magic film, I first freeze, dey listen. Zikora shout from inside: "Aunty! Person dey door o!" I reason say na my bestie don come back.

I drop my phone, but the thing just dey vibrate like say e get epilepsy.

That vibration nearly scatter my brain. I just bone, carry myself go open door, pretend say phone no dey exist.

I ignore am, na before food I come check.

Hunger catch me, na im I carry amala and ewedu, sidon dey chop. Before I finish, curiosity hook me. I open phone, wahala!

I shock.

The guy don lose him mind, begin spam me again:

[If you send am to the wrong person, who you dey send am to?]

[You dey pretend abi? Me I no fit pretend o, sob, we never even break up reach how many days, you don get new person. That one treat you reach the way I treat you?]

[If you no reply me, you dey do shakara? You wan make we come back? I fit reason am. Baby, abeg give me one more chance, break up with am, come back to me, I dey beg. Wait for me, I dey come back to Nigeria now now.]

[……]

I just weak, drop phone like say na hot moi-moi.

Small time wey I no check phone, messages don pass 99+. The thing dey pile, notifications dey scatter my screen. E be like say my phone go burn.

The guy still dey send more.

[I dey break, baby, abeg answer me. Wetin you dey do?]

He don dey add "baby" again, dey use that him voice to whine person even for text.

Before, na so so dry talk he dey do, now ehn, table don turn. If na before, he go dey form hard guy, now na pure soft bread.

Me: [Busy.]

I send am and block am.

As I tap block, I just feel small peace. Na like when NEPA bring light for hot afternoon.

Finally, everywhere calm.