Chapter 3: My Secret, My Family Wahala

I just dey look am, I no fit talk, wan explain myself.

My mouth dey open but no sound come out. I dey imagine if I go beg, but pride hold me. For Lagos, person no fit dey too weak for public.

True true, I dey act like pikin before.

Mama dey always use her compare me—"See your sister, sharp sharp, you still dey form baby." But e get reason for everything. If Tunde sabi, maybe e for understand.

But for our succubus clan, na when we reach twenty we dey awaken our real self.

This our family matter no be wetin person fit explain give outsider. For inside our own, na rite of passage. Others dey celebrate with party, we dey hide dey struggle.

Before then, our body no dey grow.

So as others dey change, dey develop, I just dey my own, dey wait my time. Sometimes e dey lonely, but na so our own be.

Today, I been plan to tell am the good news:

My heart dey beat fast as I remember the plan. I even get gift for am—one small bracelet, but I no fit even bring am out again.

I don finally mature.

As I dey stand for mirror this morning, I dey smile, dey twist. My body don fill out, my hips don curve. My hair sef dey full pass before.

I fit wear fine, sexy camisole dress.

Na so I dey check online, dey see which style dey trend for campus. I wan surprise am, make am proud. But now, e no go even notice.

My body don get all the correct curves.

Even my roommate dey hail me. "Ngozi, see as you don dey package!" Abeg, drop your skincare routine, make person follow shine. But the person wey I dey package for, no send again.

But I no even get chance talk all these things.

I swallow all my excitement. The wahala for my body come heavy like cement block. Tears wan drop but I dey form strong.

He don already talk him bad mouth.

Im voice still dey my ear, dey pain me pass slap. I dey wish say I no ever meet am.

I just dey feel small sad.

My chest dey tight. E dey funny say na now the real pain dey start. My eyes dey full, but I gats hold myself.

My eye red, my eye dey shine.

I check myself for car mirror beside me. Na true, e dey red. People fit even think say I don smoke something.

Tunde come frown even more.

He look me as if I be wahala, no be babe. E just dey make me dey feel more small.

"You don start again, dey cry anyhow like say person do you something."

The way he talk am, e pain me. But I no fit change who I be. I just dey struggle for inside.

I just dey feel more pain. My real form na bush rabbit, and rabbit eyes dey red normally.

If only he know. But e no go ever understand. Na only me know wetin dey do me.

"Okay, that’s all. I dey go. You better go back your hostel."

Im voice cold. E no even care say I dey hurt. My body just dey tremble, dey weak.

Tunde turn waka.

E just face front dey go like say nothing happen. Me, I dey stuck for the same spot, dey feel empty.

But I just squat, hug my knees, like say na rain dey fall, for the roadside begin cry.

The gravel dey bite my bum, but I no send. I no even care who dey watch. Tears just dey pour.

No be because he wan break up.

If na that one alone, I for manage am. But my wahala deep pass ordinary breakup.

No be even because of the wicked talk.

People fit think say na heartbreak, but na my own problem I dey fight.

I just dey feel somehow for my body.

The urge dey grow, e dey press me from inside. Na so I dey rock small, dey try hold myself.

My body no gree me rest.

Every muscle for my body dey tight. My chest dey rise and fall. I dey sweat even though breeze dey blow.

E be like say my blood dey boil.

I dey imagine say if person touch me, na fire go catch them.

My mouth dry, my heart just dey beat anyhow.

I lick my lip, dey wish say water dey. My heart dey race like bus wey conductor dey drag for hold-up.

Mama don tell me say, after succubus mature, we need dey feed every day on seven emotions and six desires.

Her voice dey echo for my head, "Ngozi, you go understand when e reach your turn." Na now I know.

Normal hug and kiss no reach at all.

If na only that, I for don rest. But my own dey another level.

Our own need na times ten of ordinary human being.

If person fit see inside my mind now, dem go shock. My own pass film.

Na why e good make we dey relationship. If possible, get one or more strong, steady boyfriend.

Mama advice dey make sense now. I dey regret say I no listen well. If to say I get options, I for no dey stranded now.