Chapter 2: Memory Like Film for Head

Gu Yan like to dey watch international news channel. I no understand why, until two days ago, when dem show story for TV:

My sitting room dey silent that afternoon, only the hum of fan and smell of egusi soup from kitchen dey distract me. Na so Gu Yan remote hand steady, dey flip to international station like e dey find something wey miss for e life. I no sabi the wahala wey dey cook until the picture show for TV.

One Nigerian woman war reporter dey under terrorist wahala as she dey do interview.

The TV people no fit show full gist, but I see the tension for her face – sweat just dey drip for her forehead. The air for the sitting room even change, as if the danger from TV dey enter our house.

The video no last long, but sharp sharp I recognise her – na Jumoke, the popular anchor for the international channel.

You know say for Naija, anybody wey dey report news for oyibo land be star. As I see her face, my belle just cold, because Jumoke na woman wey fit speak Queen’s English and still order abacha for roadside.

I dey heavy with belle, siddon for sofa dey chop watermelon, just dey pity the reporter small.

My teeth dey chomp on the watermelon, juice just dey drip for hand. I no too send, but my heart pinch me small for the woman, say danger dey outside like that.

Gu Yan panic, na so e scatter the fruit plate for table. As e stand up from sofa, e knee jam the table corner well well.

You for think say na soldier shoot gun the way e fly up. E leg jam table, fruit roll everywhere. I wan laugh but pain no gree me.

The pain wey catch my belle that time no be small, but Gu Yan no even notice.

I bend double, hand hold belle, sweat dey my face. E just dey look TV like say e forget say I dey there.

E waka stiff enter kitchen go pour water, press hot water by mistake, burn e hand, drop the glass sharp sharp. E rush go rinse hand for cold water, then run go bedroom, jam door.

As glass drop, water splash for tile, I just dey watch am with side-eye. E dey waka like person wey get hot yam for shoe, and I no even get strength to talk.

Na after like one hour, Gu Yan waka come out from the room.

That one hour long like NEPA outage. I just dey count ceiling pop, dey wonder wetin I dey do for this kind marriage.

"I... I gats travel for urgent business trip."

E voice dey quiver small, but e try hold face strong, as if e wan convince both of us say e get plan. My eyes just dey measure am, dey wait wetin e go yarn next.

My hand hold watermelon tight, but I still stand up, no shake.

My slippers nearly slip for floor, but I brace myself. My belle heavy, but my spirit no shake at all.

"Gu Yan, my due date na just few days from now. This no be good time to travel. If I born suddenly, how e go be?"

I dey look am direct, voice cool. For my mind, I dey remember all those Naija women wey dey born for farm, carry pikin for back continue work. But me, I just want my husband near, no be too much to ask.

"You know say your mama die as she dey born your brother – both of dem go. I dey fear childbirth well well."

I no talk, just dey watch as e try find excuse. E voice no firm again, e dey crack like bread wey don old.

"And no be you talk say you dey wait make our daughter land? You no want make na you be the first person wey she go see?"

I ask am again, voice steady. For my mind, I dey wonder if e even remember say we get child on the way.

Gu Yan face pale like person wey see masquerade, but e still talk, "This business trip mean plenty for me. I gats go. But no worry, I go come back before you born."

E voice dey tremble, but pride dey hold am like wrapper. For my mind, I just dey count my options.

I just smile.

My lips curve, small laugh escape. For this life, na only God wey fit truly surprise person.

Even as pain dey squeeze my belle and water dey run for my leg like tap wey dem open, I still dey calm.

I cross my legs, dey rub my belly. I no fit shout. I just dey breathe deep, dey think say God dey see everything.

"No wahala, but Gu Yan, hear me well: anything wey this your trip cause, na you go bear am. I no dey take responsibility."

My voice strong, like Igbo mama wey mean business. As I talk am, I dey see small fear for e eyes.

Maybe na the way my face strong, Gu Yan body shake small.

E hand dey vibrate, as if cold dey worry am. Na so Naija man dey behave when guilt dey press e chest.

E come swear with all e chest: "No worry, I go come back safe."

I just look am, no answer. All this Naija swear na mouth; action dey speak pass words.

After e talk finish, e rush enter room, pack some shirts, wear shoe sharp sharp.

The way e dey jam drawer, carry shirt anyhow, you go think say Boko Haram dey pursue am. I just siddon dey watch e drama.

As e wan go, e pause for one brief moment, eye scan my belle and baby things for chair, then e look away quick like say shame dey pursue am. I no fit hold myself, I call am.

My voice low, almost whisper, but e hear am clear.

"Gu Yan, wait."

My hand dey squeeze, pain for belle dey increase, but I still talk calm:

"You forget your passport."

I no dey shout, I just dey cool, because I don already see where this matter dey go.

I drag myself, water still dey drop, enter bedroom.

Each step hard like say na stone I dey carry for leg, but I no let am show for face. I just dey manage myself.

I carry e passport give am, add one bank card join.

The card heavy for hand, as I hand am over, my eyes rest on the card—remembering all the small sacrifices I make, all the money wey Gu Yan dey send me for our seven years of marriage dey that card.

I stretch hand, eyes dey look am well. That moment long, like say time pause.

As e see wetin I do, Gu Yan hand dey shake as e collect passport and card. E eyes even red like say pepper enter am.

You go think say e go drop everything, say e go choose us. But instead, e just dey tremble, eyes red like say pepper enter am.

For small moment, I think say e go stay for me.

My hope small, just tiny spark. But this na Naija – if hope too much, disappointment dey knock.

But na so e just put passport and card for bag, swear again:

"No worry, I go come back before you born."

All this promise, promise – e fit fill bucket. I just look am. Na only God know tomorrow.

Then e jam door, waka commot.

As e waka, slippers dey drag ground. Door close, echo just dey bounce for my chest.

As the sound of the door dey echo for empty house, I just dial emergency number, call people for postpartum centre.

I take phone, dial number like say na routine. The woman for the other end know my voice already: "Madam Ifeoma, you ready?" I just say, "Abeg, send ambulance."

Man wey no even notice say my water don break dey talk say e go come back before I born.

Abeg, who e dey deceive?

For Naija, man fit talk wetin e like, but action dey expose who be who.