Chapter 6: Final Beads, Final Test

6

I never see Obinna cry before. This first time I see him eye red like fire.

Tears dey shine for lamp, dey roll for cheek—silent confession. Room small, air heavy with all we no fit talk.

He remove prayer beads, even as I resist, he tie am for my wrist himself.

Coral bead warm from him skin, weight strange. He tie am with hand wey dey shake, head low—like say he dey beg for spirit.

"I waka go Idanre Hills for these beads, fast three days before I get am."

Voice thick with memory, each word heavy. I remember when we climb Idanre Hills together, barefoot, praying for twins.

"Anywhere you go—heaven or spirit world—I go find you."

Promise be like blessing and curse. Him devotion tie us for life and death, chain I no fit break.

"You and me, na husband and wife forever."

Word dey hang, as if fate don tie us. Anger rise—one life no do?

Last strength I use try remove beads.

Finger dey fumble, bead dey slip. I wan throw am away, cast off all him give me.

I look am, manage talk the truth I hide for twenty years:

"Obinna, make we never see each other again, for any life."

Word bitter, taste like iron. First time I yarn my mind, no fear, no sorry.

Beads drop for ground, scatter with sharp sound.

Sound ring for room—small rebellion, last defiance.

I look am with disgust, use last power talk:

"For nothing, you don stain my way to next life."

Voice dey shake, but meaning clear. I refuse carry this pain enter another world.

Then I die, Obinna cry dey ring for my ear.

Na him wail I hear last—sound follow me enter darkness, echo for memory corridor.

For this life, I be Zubair and Nnenna mama, Obinna wife, Okechi madam—but I never be myself.

All my life, I wear name dem give me, play role dem want. My own want fade, duty and expectation drown am.

This world too bitter. For next life, I no want come back.

I close eye, dey wish for world where I fit free, where love no be wound, where woman fit live for herself.

No sooner I think am, na so I see twenty-year-old Obinna stand before me, dey look me with him deep, dark eye.

He smile as before, before years harden us. For one breath, I wonder if na heaven, maybe na just another market day for spirit world—who know?