Chapter 3: Choosing Ogbo

"The battle go soon start. Abeg, get ready."

Among the gods wey I fit choose, na that monkey with hairy face and mouth like when Sango dey vex—loud, no mercy—I spot sharp-sharp. That face just dey ginger my body.

If I choose am, Naija go mad for power.

All the popular gods on the list, na foreign dem be, no exception.

If I choose foreign god, our power go weak well-well.

Loss go sure.

"Why you dey waste time? Just pick Zeus—na him be king of gods! Even if e weak, e still pass all of dem."

"You no sabi anything. If na thunder you want, pick Thor."

"Why you no just pick one Norse giant? We go lose anyway. At least make we last small so I fit call my people one last time."

Many of my people don craze finish, dey cry, dey shout for stand.

Other countries dey use us catch cruise, dey insult us anyhow.

"Oya, you Naija mumu people, why you dey delay? No waste our time for this last round—just pick anybody make una die finish!"

One shout land from the stand, foreign crowd just burst laugh. Some even dey throw groundnut shells our way, like say we no reach human being. I nearly vex throw am back—dem dey craze? Naija pikin no be dustbin.

"Una still get anybody to choose? Just pick that monkey with hairy face and mouth like when Sango dey vex. At least make una lose with style. Hahaha!"

The fight never start, but Sakura Country people don dey dance, dey sing their national dance for front of Naija side.

Their small Sakura Prime Minister even talk, "If una surrender to our great Sakura Empire now, maybe our king go make una third-class citizen. The men go enter mine, the women... hehehe..."

Him just dey use finger point Naija people for stand, like say na goat e wan buy for market.

As he talk am, Naija crowd just vex scatter. One Naija woman for back hiss loud, 'Na your papa go enter mine, yeye!' The crowd clap for her sharp mouth. Old women dey hiss, young boys dey snap finger and stamp foot, elders dey shout "Tufiakwa!"—abomination!

Person fit die, but you no go disgrace am.

People wey get liver stand, begin throw heavy curse back, use all the correct Naija insult.

Some dey shout, "Thunder fire una!", others dey hail ancestors, "Sango, send am back!" All dialects join together, Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa, Efik, pidgin—Naija no dey carry last for insult.

But—

Some cowards come dey beg Sakura people, dey kneel, dey lick boot.

Dem dey find last hope, dey nod, dey bow, dey do like say dem no get shame.

"See am? No be all Naija be goat."

"Everybody dey for himself—if Naija no get god, na only under Amaterasu light we go survive. Naija deserve to die."

To even make am worse, na our own people dey mock us pass.

But Naija don lose hundred times. Even if your hand dey pain from how you dey clench am, you no fit fight back.

E pain reach bone. E resemble when power people dey carry light for only rich area, leave poor man for darkness. People tire.

I shift my eye from the stand, bite my teeth, anger just dey burn for my eye.

Who talk say Naija no get god?

Na only me sabi say that monkey na Ogbo the Trickster.

Him get bigger title—Great Sage Equal to Heaven.

Aegean demigod Heracles, Norse Thunder God Thor, Desert Death God Anubis, Sakura Country Yamata no Orochi...

All these gods dey scatter demons or dey rule heaven and earth. Whether dem be good or bad, dem power na real wahala.

But our Great Sage na god killer.

Back then, e scatter the Spirit Palace, turn Celestial Court upside down.

E enter enemy camp alone; the Sky King, Queen Mother, nobody fit stop am.

Hundred thousand heavenly soldiers no fit hold am. Wetin these small gods wan do?

Dem no even reach one hair for Great Sage body.

Na old women for midnight go whisper that story with cracked voice; old men go slap knee for bench, "Dat monkey? Fear am o!" Generations dey hear, forget, hear again.

As countdown start, all countries dey shout their own god name. Only Naija quiet.

Suddenly, one person for stand let one tear drop, voice dey shake:

"Why be say when I see that monkey with hairy face and mouth like when Sango dey vex, I just dey feel something wey I no fit talk—my chest dey pain me for no reason..."

E talk like thunder, break the silence of hopelessness.

"I just dey feel close to that monkey. E fit really be our Naija god?"

"Abeg, stop that talk. Who ever see that monkey before? How you go say e familiar?"

People dey make noise, but nobody notice as small ripple just dey spread.

Like wave for lagoon, one memory dey knock another, but nobody fit grab am.

Other country reps don dey pick their gods.

"Abeg, call him name and talk wetin e do."

System voice just dey sound for air.

Stick Country first raise him head, shout with pride, "I wan summon Nine-Tailed Fox!"

E come dey talk all the fox exploits.

Everybody sabi say Stick Country gods na from old Naija stories dem thief, just change am small, but na so system dey do, nobody fit do anything.

Sticks just dey form, e dey pain person.

Old market women dey grumble, "See as dem dey thief our thing, come dey rub am for face. E no go better for them."

Indian rep shout, "I want our Lord Shiva to show him power!"

E dey talk how Shiva dey dance scatter enemies—just fit India character.

Sakura Country own come next: "Na Yamata no Orochi we go use!"

Because Naija lose pass, na me last to choose.

For the candidate list, all the strong gods don go, na only small-small ones like elf and centaur remain.

Now, everybody for arena dey look me. Some dey look down on me, some dey pity, some don give up.

You fit see am for their face—"Naija don finish."

I point the monkey for screen, shout, "Na him I choose!"

"Abeg, call him name and talk him story."

System repeat the rule.

If you no fit call name or talk legend, system go declare loss sharp-sharp.

People for stand just burst laugh.

Naija people cover face, dey sigh.

Hope don finish.

E don end. We don die be that.

Even our people dey look the monkey, dem confuse—

Foreigners sef no understand.

Who be this monkey?