Chapter 3: Old Love, New Pain

I meet Tunde for university. That time, he just be poor boy with tattered canvas shoes.

Him dey hustle for Jaja hostel, I dey see am dey wash him only jeans every Saturday.

Many people dey chase me that time, but na Tunde I fall for at first sight.

I fit remember that day for cafeteria, e no even get money buy food, but still offer me pure water.

He gentle, calm, good-looking join.

E get one kind smile wey dey scatter my heart. My friends dey laugh me, say I dey fall for Mr. Quiet.

For my eyes, na better person.

I talk am for all my friends, say Tunde na husband material, even before I see money.

After we graduate, we just marry, he start company with him friends.

E dey struggle first, we dey manage one-room self-contain for Agege that year.

When I get belle, I turn full-time housewife.

Na there my life change. I give up my own job, just to hold home strong. People talk say na mumu move, but I follow my heart.

I pour all my energy into taking care of Tunde, our family, and our pikin.

Even when e get malaria, na me dey grind bitter leaf for am.

As business dey grow, Tunde social life increase—plenty business dinner, events.

Na that time I notice say e dey talk to phone for balcony, even for night.

Even as life dey busy anyhow, I still dey make time to exercise, learn makeup, dress well.

I join women group for church, dey do Zumba sometimes for house. I no slack for my appearance at all.

Tunde self dey try. No matter how work choke am, once he come house, he go help look after pikin, even dey cook.

Sometimes he dey cook efo riro, the aroma with dry fish and locust bean go wake all of us for night. E fit sing ‘sweet mother’ for kitchen.

He dey help me handle my mother-in-law wahala too.

The woman no dey ever tire to find fault, but Tunde dey always tell am make she calm down.

People dey look us as model couple, perfect family.

Dem dey hail us for compound, say we be ‘Romeo and Juliet of Ifako’.

I no even know when e start, Tunde begin shift meeting to evening.

Sometimes, I go dey wait till midnight, only to hear car horn by 1am.

Sometimes, he go even no come house at all.

E go just text say, ‘Meeting run late, I crash for hotel’.

Friends dey joke say make I shine eye.

Na so I dey smile cover up. For my heart, na prayer I dey pray.

I go laugh say e no fit happen, but for my mind, I dey worry.

Every time dem talk am, my spirit go jump, but my mouth go still dey form confidence.

I carry night food go give Tunde and him colleagues for work few times.

I even bake puff-puff, fry small akara, just to surprise them, make I see for myself.

Nothing look strange—just group of people dey meeting, that woman just dey reception.

She dey arrange paper, dey answer phone like person wey no dey look anybody face.

Her name na Halima, about forty, no too tall, slim, short hair. Her face ordinary, but her voice soft—softer than as she look.

I greet am, she smile, voice like songbird. If person no look well, you go miss her presence.

She smile greet me.

Even say ‘Good evening, madam. Hope you dey well’, as if she dey read me.

All these years, I dey imagine say one day this kind thing fit happen.

Sometimes na dream I dey get, say Tunde dey with another woman, but I go wake, pray am away.

I think say maybe na the fine secretary, or one sharp university babe, or one correct female manager.

I always dey suspect the ones wey dey wear mini-skirt, not the quiet ones.

I no just expect say na receptionist e go be.

Na so e be for life. Wahala dey come from where person no dey look.

I hear say she don marry before, her husband cheat, dem divorce.

Na so story waka for Naija—dem go say ‘once beaten, twice shy’, but sometimes life no dey fair.

This na her first job after divorce, so she dey hold am tight.

I hear say she dey save every kobo, no dey joke with salary.

She dey come work early, sabi everybody small small habits, sometimes dey bake snacks.

Dem say her meatpie sweet pass Shoprite own. Even oga dey lick finger.

Some people for office even dey order lunch from her.

Sometimes dem dey ask her to buy suya for evening, she dey run errand for everybody.

When I hear, I tell Tunde say the woman dey try, make he help look after her.

I even tell am say person wey don see wahala dey deserve small break.

Tunde just bone:

“Company no be place for sentiment. I don already warn them make dem no dey do side business.”

His voice hard, but e get one kind undertone that day.

That time, I even tease am say he dey too strict as boss.

I laugh, say ‘Oga, take am easy now, person go chop’.

Now as I think am, maybe he dey pity Halima, say after work she still dey go house cook for colleagues.

Or maybe the pity na something else. Sometimes, the line dey thin.

As for why Tunde choose today talk about divorce—

I dey think say maybe e no fit hide again, conscience dey worry am.

Na just because, for morning, I make him pepper soup as usual for hangover.

I blend scent leaf inside, just like him mama teach me.

He look the soup, sigh, push am small, just quiet for long.

Even the TV dey make noise, but nobody dey hear.

Suddenly, he look up, eyes tired, ask if we fit divorce.

Na so the world freeze for me. My hand begin sweat.

He confess say he don dey cheat for six months, every time him say he dey work late, na to go lodge.

I feel my chest dey tight, like say koboko dey flog my chest from inside.

My heart shake like say breeze blow sieve, but I try hold myself.

I stand there, dey count ceiling, no let my tears fall for face.

I ask who be the person.

Voice no dey my body, but I force am come out.

When he say Halima, I even think say I hear wrong.

I look am, my mind blank. E be like say I dey inside cold room, I no dey hear anything.

Cold, empty feeling just cover my body.

For inside, na only God know wetin I dey feel.