Chapter 2: Ogiri War

Next day, I go drink with my guys. As I reach house, come down from elevator, na so I see big keg of ogiri right for my door.

Omo, the thing dey look me like sentry. If you see the container—blue paint bucket, old and cracked, ogiri dey inside dey bubble small. Na peak rainy season—August enter September—everywhere just dey hot and humid. The smell wey come out, ehn, na like dead rat mix with soakaway water. The scent remind me of when NEPA off light for village, and soakaway burst—na that kain wicked smell.

I nearly call pastor make e come pray, na so the thing bad reach to make person vomit.

I no need prophetess to tell me say na that my neighbor do am.

Who else get mind for that kind nonsense? Even area boys no dey try this level. I just stand for corridor, dey fan nose, dey calculate my next move.

I waka go knock for their door.

Na big bald man with heavy face open, frown dey him face. He dey scratch bald head, sweat dey shine for forehead.

You go know person wey dey look for trouble by the way e open door—no smile, chest out, slippers drag ground.

"Who you be? Wetin you dey find?"

I point the keg of ogiri:

"This one na your own, abi? Abeg, e no make sense to leave am for here."

I hold nose, try dey polite, but my eye dey red small.

He size me up, raise chin:

"Wetin be the problem?"

Him body dey tense, like say e dey ready throw punch.

"The smell bad well well. Who go fit bear am?"

I dey talk as if say I dey beg, but for my mind, I dey gather am for one corner.

"If you no fit bear am, na your wahala. My wife dey pregnant and she dey crave sour things. I no fit keep am inside come make everywhere for my house smell, abi?"

So e sabi say e dey smell.

See as e dey twist the matter, like say na me suppose pity am. The kind entitlement for this Lagos no get part two.

"If you must keep am, put am for your own door. You drop am here, I no fit open my door well."

I try reason with am, make we no turn this place to market.

"You no get eye? My side don already full. Your own dey empty. And this place na public corridor—first come, first serve. If you wan vex, na your own wahala."

The shamelessness fit make person faint.

As e talk finish, I just dey look am. If no be say my mama raise me well, e for collect that bucket for him head.

I never even talk finish, the bald man start to shift blame:

"And you, you still get mind come here? See time, e don reach ten o’clock. I talk yesterday say make nobody use elevator after nine. You dey disturb my wife sleep. You no dey hear word? You want make I print the rules paste for your door?"

Omo, this one dey behave like school principal.

If to say na secondary school hostel, e go don flog me now. People like this, talk no dey work for them.

I no waste time, just waka go my house.

I reason say if I talk too much, dem go think say I be mumu. But as I reach the keg, my body weak, I nearly vomit. My throat tighten, I try hold am, but the thing rush me—before I fit talk, gbam, I don pour everything inside the bucket.

The thing shock me—my belle no gree. Luckily, the floor and my cloth no stain.

The bald man wey wan close door just freeze. Him eye nearly drop:

"Wetin be this! You dey craze?"

If to say camera dey there, e for send am to police station, but me I waka inside like nothing happen.

Luckily, my door get fingerprint lock. I quick open am, rush inside.

Na that time I thank God for technology—if na key I for dey fumble, the man for don slap me from back.

Before the bald man fit reach me with him slippers, I don slam my door.

I hear the slippers land for my door. The guy dey para, e dey curse like madman for Oshodi. Him voice dey rise, bounce for corridor, but my wall dey thick.

Outside, I dey hear am dey shout and curse like say dem dey slaughter goat.

The man voice turn to thunder, him leg dey kick door. If no be say e no wan break the door, by now e for scatter am.

Later, him wife come out, dey ask wetin happen.

From one person, the cursing turn two.

The two of dem dey act drama. The woman voice pass the man own—she dey call me all kinds of names, swear for my family join.

Me, I just dey house dey enjoy myself as if I no hear anything.

I off TV, plug earphones, dey watch YouTube. Make dem shout tire, na dem get energy to waste.

That keg of ogiri don spoil be that.

E for sweet dem to chop am, but my vomit don baptize the ogiri. If dem like, make dem use am cook soup—na their own wahala.

Still dey high from alcohol, I sleep like log. No know how long dem curse outside.

My dream sweet die. I dey win gold medal for Olympics, no wahala fit reach me there.