Chapter 3: Plot Twists, Pride, and Culture Shock

When agent first tell me say woman go move in, I no gree at all.

I even reason am, call my padi, say "Guy, abeg, e make sense?" My padi just laugh say na plot twist for my life.

We be adults—this no be all those Africa Magic drama where roommate dey turn to love. Even all those WhatsApp stories no dey try that cliché again.

In fact, for my mind, na only for film all those things dey happen. Real life, na just wahala.

New roommate na wahala, less privacy, plenty headache.

You go dey tiptoe for your own house. Person fit just dey vex because of toothpaste.

So why I gree?

Na because of two WhatsApp message.

First, agent send transfer notice: from this month, rent go dey share, and he send me seventy-five thousand naira.

Immediately, I see alert. Omo, poverty no get dignity.

Second, he send me chat with photo. Na Halima picture.

Picture sharp, filter dey, but babe still fine. E be like say sun dey her side for that photo.

Omo, the babe fine no be small. I try form hard guy, but e no work.

I even drop phone, shake head. Say make I bone, but body no gree.

Just for one tiny second—like one ten-thousandth of a second—I think say, to dey see fine girl for house no too bad.

I quick clear my mind, say make I no go dey reason pass myself. But human being get weakness.

Her first day, I gree say make I show gentleman small, help am carry luggage.

The bag big ehn, I even dey pity her. I just dey plan say if I help, e go make sense.

"Make I help you with your box."

My voice even soft. You know when person dey try impress.

"You wash your hand?"

As she talk am, I pause. Wetin concern hand for carrying box? Na Covid time be this?

My hand, halfway like thief wey dey try touch police handcuff, just freeze—I no fit go front, I no fit come back.

I just waka comot for road, dey look as her small body dey drag big box enter. I even forget to introduce myself.

My pride no let me talk again. I just watch as she dey struggle, but e no good make man force help.

She sef no introduce herself. As she enter, her face just squeeze.

If you see her face, you go know say she no dey impressed at all. Na as if she dey reason "Wetin carry me come here?"

I sabi wetin dey worry her: the house get one kind old, rotten smell, like most people life wey no go as plan.

You know that kain smell wey dey inside house wey nobody don paint since IBB time. E just hang for air.

Me sef, e take me time before I fit adapt.

I remember the first night, I dey spray air freshener like say I wan fight demon.

"You get key, abi? I dey go out."

Na the only thing wey I fit talk, make I no go look like over-friendly neighbour.

She just answer "mm" for nose. I no even argue—just waka go.

Her “mm” na like she dey answer teacher for class wey she no like. I just bone.

That night, I dey chop with padi, reach house after ten.

Padi sef dey gist me, say make I no go fall for temptation. We laugh, I drop for gate, climb that useless staircase.

Sleep dey my eye as I enter my room, na so I pause.

I confuse. My floor dey shine, all the rubbish wey I keep just vanish.

"Na my room be this?"

If no be my towel for bed, I for think say person exchange room for me.

Floor clean, all my scatter-scatter paper arrange. Only my bed still dey like I leave am, everything else don arrange.

Under bed sef, shoe dey pair. Books line for shelf, no more zig-zag. I even see one lost charger wey I think say thief carry.

Omo, neat freak no too bad sometimes.

Person fit even breathe well for air. For the first time, no dust dey my table.

I sleep like pikin that night.

You know that sleep wey dey press you like cement? Na so I dey dream of correct jollof rice.

Next morning, as I wan go work, I find say my manuscript no dey desk again. The main thing: my flash drive—my whole inspiration—don miss.

I open drawer, search bag, even check inside pot, but nothing.

"Erm... Halima, you arrange my room yesterday?"

She dey brush, foam dey her mouth. I dey wait make she talk true.

"No need to thank me." She still dey brush, head down, talk dey muff.

That one surprise me. Which kain confidence be this?

"No be thank you I dey talk. You see some A4 paper for my desk?"

I dey expect say she go say she keep am somewhere.

"I throw am away."

My heart skip beat. Wetin?! All my handwork!

Omo, I never see person wey dey touch another person thing with that kind boldness.

Even my mama dey ask before she move my things. This babe get mind.

"Aunty, you for ask before you throw my things now."

I try soft my voice, make she no vex.

"Wetin be all this juju you dey draw? Abeg, carry your wahala comot for my side."

Na so I burst laugh small, but pain still dey for chest. This one na culture shock.

"I be supernatural blogger! Wetin you want make I draw if no be ghost?"

She turn, wipe toothpaste for mouth. "Wetin that one mean?"

Her face serious. I try explain say na work, but she no send me.

"No wahala, but you see my flash drive for desk?"

I dey hope say e go turn up.

"I no see am."

She no even raise face. I dey wonder if e possible say she no touch am.

"You na only person wey enter my room yesterday. If you no see am, who see am?"

I no dey accuse, but the thing pain me.

She waka pass me, dey pack bag sharp sharp. "I dey late for work. Na ordinary flash drive, I go buy new one for you."

Omo, if na my papa flash drive, he for don shout. This one, she dey talk as if na sweet wrapper.

"Aunty, no be ordinary flash! Plenty things dey inside am."

I try explain, voice small.

"Wetin—film?"

She don dey suspect me. I vex small, but I hold am.

"Film fire you there! Na my inspiration!"

She pause, eyes small. "I no know, I no touch am. Abeg comot for door."

I just shift. No need drag matter for corridor.

Gboaa, she slam security door, dust just fall for ground—plus my broken heart join.

Even the pigeon wey dey perch for window run. My chest dey pain me, but I no talk.