Chapter 4: WhatsApp, Names, and Hope

Timi and Ifeoma mean joy and good fortune.

For our place, name dey carry spirit. Dem say Timi na "My Own Is Enough," Ifeoma na "Good Thing." Na my own name just dey there like water wey no get taste.

But Amaka na just ordinary name, e no get big meaning.

Some people dey ask, “Which kind Amaka you be—Amaka disappointment or Amaka surprise?” Me I just dey answer, “Any one.”

See as my papa and mama even use our names do meaning.

Sometimes I go dey play for corridor, dey count my own blessings. My own na to just dey manage.

And to beg for forgiveness dey easy for them.

Dem go just yarn small, then move on. No wahala for their side.

I just do like say e no pain me: “I know say you no mean am, papa.”

As dem say, to born pikin na another level, but to love all equal na another.

...No be say dem do am on purpose, na just true talk wey slip.

For our culture, sometimes person go talk wetin dey their mind, then go use laugh take cover up. But children dey hear, even if dem no talk.

When I reach 15, on top my papa and mama silver jubilee, we go snap family portrait.

Mama buy correct lace, everybody wear white. Photographer set ring light, dey shout, “Smile!” But my smile no gree wide.

Ifeoma use photographer camera snap picture, come post am for her WhatsApp status.

Her followers plenty. She sabi how to pose; na so likes dey fly for her status.

She write for caption: “Family of five, happiness for all seasons.” Within minutes, comments full everywhere. 🔥😍🙌

Even people wey no send us before dey drop emoji.

I siddon near her, I see all the comments clear.

Some dey loud, some dey coded. Na so I dey peep her phone as notification dey pop.

Most people talk: “Uncle and Aunty fine well well.”

Another one: “Abeg, na true oo, una family dey shine.”

Next one: “Your brother fine, abeg him get babe?”

The thirst for husband material no dey hide for Naija, I swear.

One person write: “Your sister na adopted, abi? Her face no match una own at all.”

That one pain pass. She even add laughing emoji join. People wicked sha.

“Before, you dey talk say your sister ugly, I think say na play. But e be like say na true.”

E shock me say people dey monitor our gist like this. I just bone face, no wan make my sister see my reaction.

For photo studio, my papa and mama still dey talk with Timi whether dem go change background take another set.

Na dem dey always reason colours. Dem go argue blue or grey, meanwhile my mind dey elsewhere.

From corner of my eye, I see Ifeoma squeeze mouth, block that commenter.

She do am fast, so that I no go feel anyhow. For that small second, I wan think say she get my back, but e still pain.

But as she look my face, she no talk anything.

Sometimes silence loud pass noise. Na so we just sit, dey look each other.

But really, she no even need talk.

Her eyes talk all the things wey her mouth no fit say.

Say her small sister no fine—na like say everybody agree say earth dey round.

Some things dem no dey argue. If person talk am, everybody just gree.

To argue am na waste of time.

If you try challenge am, na you go look like mad person. I just learn to package myself.

But for my mind... I still dey hope small.

Hope dey like stubborn goat. Even if you chase am, e go find way hide inside compound.

Even if na once, make my sister just talk one word for me?

I dey pray make e happen, even if na by mistake.