My Wife’s Secret Challenge List / Chapter 4: Online Gist and Real Life Tension
My Wife’s Secret Challenge List

My Wife’s Secret Challenge List

Author: Erica Thomas


Chapter 4: Online Gist and Real Life Tension

I read all the challenge finish. Day don break.

Mosquito don bite me tire, cock crow for my neighbour compound. Na so I just dey look screen, my eyes red.

This challenge wicked, e dey against human being. Because e dark, most big platforms don ban am. Na only some small small websites still dey allow am to gather traffic.

Even for dark net, dem dey fear am. You know Naija na, dem go say, "This kind thing na oyinbo wahala."

Ngozi don quietly finish 90 challenges, I no even sabi.

She move like thief for midnight. The kain coded life, even SSS go salute her.

She don use me play, wound me, disgrace me for public, and I no even know why or how far she go fit go.

But I know say she just sleep with another man.

No way to fix this marriage, but I need to know wetin really dey happen.

Na so e dey Naija, you go first reason, "Make I hear finish before I react."

I try drop comment for her post for English:

"Amazing, for five years I never see this kind challenge for this forum. Abeg continue, I swear I go be your number one fan. I dey sing for you for Palm Grove Estate."

As I dey type, I dey use my left hand wipe sweat. E dey funny me say I dey use English, dey talk like foreigner, but my belle dey twist.

I register this account five years ago, but na only to find info I dey use am. I never post, no avatar, even the name na system give me random numbers.

The kain way Naija man dey hide for internet, make sure say no trace go reach village. I no even put my real date of birth.

After I change my clothes and come back, Ngozi reply me.

"Thank you, I go continue. I go try finish the 100 challenges."

My eye almost turn. Challenge 100 na to kill me.

The reply cold, but the small emoji wey she add at the end make my skin prick. I dey reason say, so she dey use coded talk dey gist with stranger, she no even sabi na me.

I balance myself and reply her sharply:

"Ah ah, na you dey talk to me! I too happy, this mean say you be real person. From today, you be my idol. I wan know your story well."

I dey use style draw her out, but my hand dey shake. I dey imagine her face, the small dimple for her left cheek.

"If you wan hear my story, I go tell you when I get chance. Now I wan go work. Good luck."

"Better, abeg remember say you get loyal listener for another side of the world. As you see, I never get name for this forum, so now I go change my name to LoveCatK. Enjoy your day for work."

Ngozi before get one cat wey she name KK. After KK die, she change all her online names to CatKinHeaven.

That KK, the way she cry for am, e shock all our neighbours. For one week, she no gree chop.

As I type finish, my phone vibrate. Ngozi send me voice note.

"Honey, I dey go work. You miss me? I dey miss you. Send me message when you wake. I go kiss you when I come back."

Her voice soft, dey gentle like rain for dry season. Anybody wey hear am go think say na perfect wife.

Since we marry, Ngozi dey always gentle, soft like small girl.

She dey act like person wey no fit shout. Even my mama dey tell me, "Na good girl you marry o. No spoil am."

If I no jam this her dark game, I for love her with all my heart till I die.

I dey feel as if person dey pour salt for my wound. E pain me, but the love still dey one corner.

I lie for bed, show only half my face, call her video. She pick sharp sharp.

My voice crack, but I hide am with small laugh. I dey form say I never wake finish.

"Honey, you wake early?"

Her face dey bright, she dey wear that her green scarf wey I buy for her from Yaba. For her voice, nothing dey show.

I pretend say sleep still dey my eye, mumble: "Without you, sleep no dey come."

Ngozi laugh: "Na only sweet mouth you sabi. Try wait for me, I go come back in two, three days."

Her laugh dey like small bell, the kain way she dey laugh when I crack dry joke.

"Okay, I go listen to my wife."

I manage smile, but my heart dey cut. For my mind, I dey pray make God show me way.

After the call, I carry prenuptial agreement come out.

The envelope still dey sharp, no fold. I dey remember how she package am, arrange document like lawyer.

Na Ngozi draft and insist make we sign this agreement. When I show our company legal director, Uncle Garba, he say he never see prenup like this before.

Uncle Garba, the old man wey sabi law pass garri, always dey wear Ankara with matching fila—even for Monday morning. He just dey turn am for hand like person dey inspect yam before buy. "Tobi, this thing get as e be o," na him words.

The agreement talk say all the property wey person get before marriage, na the person own. Even after marriage, anything wey you get, na your own. Even debt, na for your head alone.

For Naija, na rare thing. Most people no dey even hear prenup, na only for film. My friends tease me, say, "So na contract marriage you dey do?"

If na me write this kind agreement, e for make sense. But after her parents go jail, Ngozi family get plenty debt. This agreement no even favour her at all.

But she insist say if I no sign, no marriage. That time, I even touch, think say after all her wahala, her mind don change.

That time, I dey reason say, "Maybe she dey try protect me. Or maybe she just wan clear her name." Now, I dey doubt everything.

I no understand, so I call Uncle Garba make we meet.

Na the kind old man wey dey always carry briefcase, dey wear Ankara even for Monday. As I dey call am, e pick, e no let phone ring reach third time.

Uncle Garba follow me for all my marriage process, know my family matter well. After I ask about divorce, he look me well: "I don see your prenup. If you force divorce, Ngozi fit only carry her own money. All the debt wey you pay for her, she go pay you back."

He clear throat, look me straight. "No shaking. Na your head correct. If you wan move on, you go get your own. No be small pikin case."

"If I die nko?"

Uncle Garba pause. "That one no concern agreement again. Na inheritance matter be that. Your papa and mama don go, you never get pikin. Na only your wife go inherit everything."

As e talk am, my mind dey race. Na only God know the kind thing wey fit happen if I die.

I don think am before, but if na property she dey chase, why she go do all the first 99 challenges?

I dey tap table, dey reason deep. If na ordinary Naija woman, e for just manage, chop small money, no go reach all these levels.

As I dey reason, Uncle Garba frown: "Oga Tobi, your wife fine, she dey kind. Any time she come company, she dey bring small gift for staff. Everybody like her. Make you reason well."

I just dey vex. E dey pain me say my own lawyer dey defend my wife. "You this old man, you dey think say I get side chick?"

Uncle Garba wave hand: "How I go think that one? I just dey envy you. Every family get their own wahala. Na understanding remain."

I dey try form hard man, but the truth be say the matter don pass my power.

"You get people. Abeg, check if Ngozi get any friend wey travel abroad before she meet me, man."

Uncle Garba pull out small jotter, begin check.

"Yes, him name na Auwalu. I don report give you before. You say 'oh, I know.'"

"Why I no remember?"

Uncle Garba adjust glasses. "That time, you dey rush go try your wedding suit, you no get time for me."

I remember. Na that time Ngozi dey push me go pick suit, Uncle Garba come give last report. I just wan marry Ngozi, no even listen to wetin Uncle Garba dey talk.

If to say I listen, maybe all this for no happen. My mind dey heavy.

People dey hear only wetin dem wan hear.

Na true talk. For Naija, if you dey love, na only good thing your ear dey pick.

"How far about this Auwalu?"

Uncle Garba squeeze face, dey try remember. "Make I remember..." Uncle Garba sigh. "Auwalu na your wife childhood friend, maybe first love. He no go university for Naija, travel abroad for years. Later, when your wife family get wahala, he no come back, stay abroad for two more years."

So na so e be. When Ngozi need person pass, he dey abroad, no show. Ngozi marry me, na after that he rush come back, come dey do back door with my wife.

The matter just dey twist. E fit be as dem dey talk for Nollywood film, say the ghost of old love no dey ever die.

"Check Auwalu family business."

"I remember say dem dey medical equipment. I go check again."

I dey wait. I dey watch.

For this Lagos, even sleep run from my eye. Tomorrow fit change everything.

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