My Wife’s Secret Challenge List / Chapter 5: House Wahala and Oshodi Forum
My Wife’s Secret Challenge List

My Wife’s Secret Challenge List

Author: Erica Thomas


Chapter 5: House Wahala and Oshodi Forum

After Uncle Garba go, I go house go sleep. When I wake, na 5pm. Ngozi dey look me with big eyes, dey smile for bed.

She dey wear that her red wrapper, the one wey she like tie anytime she dey gree for me. My heart dey soft small, but the pain still dey under.

"Why you come back?" I ask.

She lie face me, dey bite finger like small pikin. "I miss you, so I come. Wetin happen? You wan bring babe come house while I dey travel?"

She dey use play voice, but her eyes dey shine like person wey dey hide something. I just dey watch am.

"No talk that kind thing. You dey hungry? Make I go prepare food."

My mind dey reason different things, but my face dey cool.

"No hungry. I finish work early, come back. See as you dey sleep for afternoon, even dey drool, no be dirty?" Ngozi use tissue clean my mouth, then pick her phone. "You dey sick? You sleep till this time?"

Her hand cold for my face, the kain way mother dey check pikin temperature. But my heart just dey knock.

"I just lie down small, no know say sleep go catch me."

I stand up. Her suitcase still dey for door, so she just come back.

She dey arrange her bag, dey open zips. Her eye dey shine, dey look if I go suspect her.

"I bring best asun and puff-puff from there. Just warm am, we go chop. Make I send file, then I go warm am."

Asun aroma dey fill parlour. Na her way to cover any tension. You sabi say asun fit settle quarrel for Naija house, but this one no fit cool my heart.

Ngozi enter room. I quietly enter study, open the forum, she don update her post again.

Challenge 91: Make your partner touch something wey get you and another man body fluid. Completed.

My belle just turn—e be like say I chop bad meat for buka. Ngozi post photo of tissue, e clear say dem use am, two sticky stains dey there.

For my culture, this one na heavy taboo. E pass anything woman fit do. My skin just dey crawl.

As I remember say she just use tissue clean my mouth, I nearly vomit.

I rush spit for sink. For my mind, e be like say I fit see the stain for my tongue.

"Honey, I dey warm the food," Ngozi shout from kitchen.

Her voice sweet, but I dey hear another meaning. My mind dey reject the food.

I force myself off computer, come out, say, "No, I get work for office, you chop first."

I no even let my eye meet her own. Na so I rush back inside.

Ngozi rush hug me: "Honey, come back quick, I get gift for you."

The way she hug me, I fit almost believe say nothing dey happen. Na wa o, this world deep.

I carry my computer, drive go office, open forum again, see say Ngozi challenge don dey attract plenty people. In just few minutes, hundreds of people don comment.

The forum dey hot like Oshodi market, people dey drop comment anyhow—some dey yarn dust, some dey hail her. The way people dey reply, e shock me. Different flags, different languages.

Different languages, different writing.

As I dey look, I see Ngozi dey reply people for English and Hausa.

She dey switch language sharp sharp, like conductor wey dey dodge LASTMA. E pain me say I no sabi all her waka for online.

"Because he dey wicked to me, he dey torture me, dey disturb my mind.

He dey force me kneel down before I fit talk, if not he go beat me.

He dey use nude photo threaten me, force me obey."

My chest tight. Wetin she dey talk? I never raise hand for her before. For my family, na taboo to even shout for woman.

Some people no believe: "I read all your challenges, I feel say you dey lie. You fit pull his hair from back, fit dey beside am when he dey sleep. If na so wicked, he suppose lock you up, no go trust you like that."

Dem quickly delete all those kind doubts.

The admins dey work fast. No be small.

I wait reach 7 o'clock, na 8am for Palm Grove Estate.

My mind dey reason if make I call her, or just dey watch from far.

"Good morning CatKinHeaven, I too happy to see your update. Na another step to your goal. I wan know, how you go take do challenge 100? You no go enter wahala for your country?"

I use style ask, make she reveal her plan. For Naija, to kill person no be play. The wahala pass police case.

Ngozi reply quick: "Na night here, good evening. For challenge 100, I get better plan to make am die but e no go be my fault. Abeg, watch out for my update."

My back prick. Her answer too smooth. She dey sure of herself, like person wey dey play ludo for junction.

Ngozi English too correct. I check well, no mistake.

She don decide to kill me.

My mind dey calculate, dey check all the sharp things wey dey house. I dey suspect anything now.

I dey wait. I dey watch.

For this Lagos, even sleep run from my eye. Tomorrow fit change everything.

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