Chapter 4: Hotel Showdown and Self-Discovery

I close computer, begin pack my load.

I dey arrange my wrapper, my phone charger, my small powder. I dey fumble as if I fit erase my shame by packing fast.

I wan comot before Tobi Adekunle return.

I dey check time, dey pray make e no reach door before I vanish.

But I too dey hope.

My mind dey drag—part of me still dey wish say he go call, say sorry, do better.

Tobi Adekunle WhatsApp message land first:

[Morayo, something hold me. I go come later. I check online—the medicine fit take small later too.]

E message long, but e short for my heart. I read am again, but no comfort dey inside.

I no reply.

I press phone, but my finger no move. I just dey look the screen.

But tears just start again.

I wipe my eye, but e still dey pour. My chest dey heavy, I dey curse myself.

Take am later—e go still work?

I dey reason risk, dey imagine worst case. For Naija, girls dey fear mistake pass anything.

Even though I no wan see am again, as he no come back, I still feel pain.

My mind dey fight itself. Why I go miss person wey dey mess me up?

I just dey curse myself—why I dey like this?

I bite my tongue, dey scold myself. "Morayo, na you do yourself!"

But tears no gree stop.

I cry like say I dey audition for Nollywood. My voice low, but my soul dey shout.

Na that time, my bestie Kamsi send me message:

[Kamsi]: [Morayo, you no talk say you dey Kaduna with Tobi Adekunle? Why I just see for Zainab Yusuf WhatsApp status say Tobi Adekunle go pick her for airport? No be two of una dey together?]

Kamsi sabi gossip. She no dey hide gist. She add screenshot, as if evidence dey needed.

She add screenshot.

The screenshot clear. Na pink emoji, love emoji everywhere. Kamsi dey show me say world no pure.

Na post wey Zainab Yusuf just drop:

[Somebody say: "Rain or shine, I go come pick you."]

The photo show Tobi Adekunle back—tall, slim.

Even from back, I sabi am. That walk, that swag, e no dey hide.

He dey drag Zainab Yusuf pink box for one hand, her bag for the other, dey smile like say tomorrow no dey.

Zainab dey snap selfie, Tobi no sabi say him face dey show for mirror. My heart just break small.

Strange enough, my tears just dry.

I surprise myself. Suddenly, e be like say I no get water left for body. My spirit just dey empty.

I remember one talk: Person wey fit disappoint you, no go do am just once.

Na old woman for my street yarn me that one. If person mess you up once, e go repeat. I dey recall am clear now.

Since disappointment don full everywhere, tears no get use.

My body just numb. I dey laugh small—pain don turn joke for my mind.

My heart just freeze, tears no come again.

E be like say I dey inside freezer. My face dry, my chest strong.

I wipe my face, quick pack my load.

I arrange my things, check my phone again, confirm say I no forget anything. I ready to bounce.

I carry taxi go chemist buy medicine, then straight to the five-star hotel wey my papa book for city center.

The taxi man dey play Wizkid for radio, I dey look window. The city light dey flash. For chemist, the pharmacist just look me small, but I bone face. Na so I buy wetin I need.

All the fine lights, staff dey greet with smile, soft music for reception—everything just cool my mind. Receptionist call me Madam, hand me key with two hands. I smile—first time person dey treat me like VIP.

The way dem dey call me "Madam" dey sweet me small. I see my reflection for glass, I smile fake smile.

As I dey check in, one young couple dey my back.

Dem dey giggle, the girl dey squeeze the guy arm. Dem dey look like love dey sweet pass honey.

The girl lean for the guy chest, her voice dey shake:

"Na my first time to travel alone. I dey fear."

She dey whisper, her eye dey red small. The boy dey rub her back.

The guy answer softly:

"No fear. I dey for you—anytime, just call me."

E voice gentle, like say e fit calm thunder. I dey watch dem with side eye.

The girl hold him sleeve:

"You go stay with me?"

She dey beg like small pikin. Her voice get hope and fear together.

The guy just smile:

"You no suppose trust men too much—even me. You no sabi wetin dey our mind."

He laugh, squeeze her hand. I shake head—Naija boys no dey change.

The girl eye red:

"This Tobi Adekunle, why you dey treat me like this? Bad guy!"

I chuckle small. Na so all of us dey collect, one way or the other. E pain, but I move on.

My body just dey shake, nails dig my palm as I stand there.

I try compose, but my hand dey tremble. The hotel AC dey blow, but na my pain dey make me cold.

Even though I don already know say Tobi Adekunle no love me, to see am dey follow another girl just pain me.

I dey form hard babe, but inside, my heart dey scatter. I dey reason say, "Why e no fit choose me?"

I wan waka go, but Tobi Adekunle see me first.

E eye catch me from reception mirror. I try dodge, but e too late.

Him eyes open wide.

He shock. E mouth open, e hand pause for air.

"Morayo, wetin you dey do here? You dey follow me?"

E voice loud, as if e wan form boss. I look am steady.

I stop, the thing just dey funny me.

I cross hand, tilt head, smile. "You dey craze? How I go dey follow you?" My tone dey mock am.

"I reach here before you. How I go dey follow you?"

E scratch head, e face dey twist. I dey enjoy the drama small.

Tobi Adekunle face change. He rub him nose, him voice no straight:

E dey stammer. For Naija, na so person dey behave when dem catch am for lie.

"So wetin you dey do here? I tell you make you wait for me."

E dey try form control. I just dey look am, my eyebrow up.

The fine girl wey dey with am look me with curious, soft eye:

Her voice low, as if she dey audition for pastor's daughter role. She dey smile small, but I sabi say e fake.

"You be Morayo, abi? Tobi dey always talk about you—say you na him small sister from next compound."

Small sister? She dey craze. I senior am for hustle. The small sister matter shock me. I swallow spit, I dey look her from head to toe. She dey package, hair fine, nails pink.

I meet her eye.

We lock eye. She blink first. My face stone. I no smile.

Na Zainab Yusuf, the campus fine girl from next class.

Everybody for our school sabi say she get correct face, she sabi dance. Boys dey chase am like suya sellers for traffic.

Slim, fine face, eyes like say she wan cry—she look person like small deer.

Even the way she dey stand, e dey beg for pity. Na so some girls dey do, e dey enter Naija boys well.

Na the type men dey rush protect.

I remember the time Tobi Adekunle show me her Instagram—likes everywhere. My chest dey pain me.

Now, Zainab Yusuf dey eye me, dey try read my mind.

She dey study my body language. For her mind, she dey rate me, dey check who get upper hand.

To check wetin I and Tobi Adekunle get.

I sabi say she dey weigh matter. I no gree give her chance.

My face no even friendly.

I purse lip, dey look through her. I no dey form any fake smile.

And as she call me "small sister" like say na sweet, my belle just turn.

I wan vex, but I just bone. I no wan show weakness.

Zainab Yusuf see my cold face, she shift back, hide behind Tobi Adekunle arm, hold him pinky small.

She use small voice ask Tobi, "Na she be Morayo?" Na so e be—girls dey play coded rivalry.

Tobi Adekunle quick hold her hand.

E dey form protector. Him body dey shield her. I dey look both of them like film.

Two of them dey look me like say I be threat.

E funny me. Na me dey feel pain, but dem dey act like I be troublemaker.

But I never do anything.

I stand, dey hold my bag. I just dey observe.

After one night of fear and shame, I just calm.

I dey float, my mind no even dey pain me like before. I don tire.

I smile: "Too many rats for that guesthouse. I no fit wait for you, so I come here. Na here una dey stay too?"

I talk am soft, but e get meaning. I dey test dem.

Zainab Yusuf smile, hold Tobi Adekunle arm, reply me.

She dey press her voice, dey show say she get manners. But I sabi say e dey sweet her to talk.

"You dey joke, small sister Morayo. My family no get money reach your own—how I go fit pay for this kind place? Tobi just dey worry say make I no stay for rough hotel, so he book me for here last minute."

She dey shade me codedly. I just nod, dey look Tobi face.

I look Tobi Adekunle.

E dey shift leg, e face dey dark. E no fit hold my eye.

He turn face, no fit look me.

Guilt dey show for him face, but e still dey stubborn. I dey pity am, but I dey vex.

So, na only me deserve two-thousand-naira guesthouse, but the 'first love' for him mind get fifty-thousand-naira hotel.

The maths no add up. For my mind, na insult. I bite my tongue.

The difference too clear.

E be like day and night. Na so love dey blind person.

Wetin I wan talk again?

If I talk, dem go say I dey jealous. I just keep quiet. I no wan disgrace myself for public.

To talk more go just show say I too dey care, make me look more mumu.

I swallow my pain, nod, waka pass them.

I adjust my bag, walk steady. I no look back. For my mind, I dey pray make my legs no shake.

Tobi Adekunle hand shake, but he no talk.

E dey tremble. I see am from corner eye. E dey wish say e fit disappear.

But as I open door, Tobi Adekunle just grab me from back, drag me enter room.

E fast, strong. Na so I nearly fall. I dey shock. For hotel corridor, I dey fear say security go show.

I shout.

My voice loud, echo for corridor. I dey panic.

Tobi Adekunle quick bend, use him mouth cover my own.

E try muffle my shout. E dey desperate. E dey beg with lips, no with words.

I struggle, but with him height near 1.9 meters, I no fit.

Him chest dey block me, him arm dey heavy. I dey punch am small, but e no send.

Him knee press between my legs.

I dey try break free, but e hold me tight. Na so power pass power.

No matter how I try, he no gree leave me, until him breath dey heavy.

After small struggle, e pause, e dey pant. I dey push am.

He press me for chest, him chin for my neck.

Him voice low, him chest dey vibrate. I dey confuse, vex, fear—all join.

"Good Morayo, you dey vex?"

E dey whisper, e dey search my face. Him eye red, e dey try beg.

I too vex, my chest dey rise. I no even wan talk to am.

I use my eye fire am. I cross hand, dey wait make e commot.

"Tobi Adekunle, before I call security, commot."

My voice steady, strong. The AC dey blow, but my back dey sweat. My mind dey count exit routes. I dey shake small, but I no show am.

He just laugh:

E dey form like say na play. Him laugh no reach eye. Na defence mechanism, I sabi.

"No be you just now dey hold me tight? How come after one hour, you act like say you no know me again? No be you dey beg that time, Morayo?"

E dey bring old gist. E dey try guilt-trip me. But I bone. I dey learn fast.

As I remember the way everything happen for guesthouse, na only shame dey catch me.

Flashback dey play for my head—me dey smile, dey trust, dey give all. Now, e look like mumu act.

I no believe say the boy wey I love pass ten years, give everything, na another person he love.

Na the pain wey dey bite pass. I dey count the years, the effort, the small small sacrifice.

He use my feelings play.

E dey take am like game, dey use my loyalty cruise. For Naija, dem go say, "Na men way."

I press my lips, no talk, reach for my phone to call security.

My finger dey hover for screen. I dey ready to press '0' for reception. My heart dey beat like talking drum.

Tobi Adekunle hold my hand, kiss am.

E grab my hand, lips dey shake. E dey beg with action, not with words.

"Good Morayo, no vex. Zainab Yusuf come Kaduna alone. I just dey worry for her, so I book hotel for her. As I drop her, I dey come back to you."

E voice dey shake. E dey look me with soft eye. But I no dey buy the talk.

"Tobi Adekunle, why e be say na me fit manage for two-thousand-naira guesthouse, but Zainab Yusuf get five-star hotel? All your summer work, na just two nights you fit pay for her, abi? She really mean reach like that?"

I dey ask bold. I no gree hide my pain. If na war, make e clear.

Tobi Adekunle frown. "Morayo, abeg no tell me say you dey jealous her. You no be that kind person. No compare yourself with Zainab. She grow up with only her mama, she no get security. If she stay for rough place, she go fear, no go sleep. But you different—you get everything. You go dey mind just one or two nights hotel?"

E dey play pity card. E dey use her hardship justify him choice. But I dey wise up.

"Tobi Adekunle, because my parents try for me, no mean say I must suffer with you. Because I get luck, you go dey guilt-trip me?"

I dey talk true, my voice low. I dey let am know say my kindness no be license for disrespect.

"Morayo, I for come back to you after I drop her. Even if the guesthouse bad, at least I dey with you, no be so? No be you talk say as long as I dey, nothing else matter?"

E dey remind me of my own words. But now, I dey see things clear. The math no add up again.

As he talk am, he try kiss me again.

E dey reach forward, lips dey tremble. I dodge, eye red.

Him eyes full of want.

E dey plead, but I no dey move. I dey harden my face.

Fear catch me, I grab one vase, look am with strong face:

My hand dey shake, but I no drop am. If e try me, I go show am say I no be soft girl. I grip the vase tight. "Try me, you go see drama."

"Tobi Adekunle, if you come near, I go break this thing!"

My voice loud, echo for room. E shock am. Na so my courage come out.

Tobi Adekunle eyes cold, he look me with vex:

E step back, e dey calculate. E never see me like this before. My new energy dey surprise am.

"Morayo, when you turn like this? You dey count everything now—I tire for you. I just book hotel for Zainab for one night. She dey go her uncle place tomorrow morning. You think she get time to collect me from you?"

E dey defend himself, dey try twist my words. But I dey see through am now.

"Tobi Adekunle, I no dey drag you. I just... dey pity myself after all these years."

I dey whisper, but my voice strong. I dey talk to myself pass him.

At the end, na only deep pain remain.

I dey breathe deep. All my energy don drain. I dey let go.

If I love you, I fit suffer with you without wahala.

Before, e sweet me to manage, to help. Now, e dey bite me.

But if I no love you again, I go see all the calculation for your body.

Now, na all your excuses dey show. My eye open.

Na myself I pity, say I give you my heart all these years.

I dey reason all the years, all the give, all the compromise. I dey pity my own self.

Tobi Adekunle see say my face don dull, his eyes change. He bend, look me like say he no believe.

He dey search my face for hope. E voice soft, almost like pikin.

"Morayo, no tell me say... you like me?"

The air thick, heavy with everything wey we never talk. My answer dey hang, but my body don already talk am. For the first time, I dey see myself. Na time to move on.

I fit love you before, but now—na myself I go choose. For this Naija, nobody go use my head again.