Chapter 3: Old Wound, New Wahala

"So you sabi regret now?"

E voice na like rain wey dey beat zinc—sharp, quick.

"I…"

My mouth open, but I no sure wetin I wan talk.

Before I fit finish, he cut me short. "E don late."

His words dey like slap. My eye water gather again.

He drop the bottle, then waka come near, him warm breath brush my cheek.

As he come close, my body do me one kain. The room warm, but my hand cold.

"Morayo, after you dump me, you dey proud of yourself abi?"

As he ask, na old memory rush me. That time we dey uni, he go buy suya for me, we go stroll for night, we go gist tire. Now, na only wall dey between us.

Suddenly, I remember when we first start five years ago—when he dey kiss me, dey near me, na this same hot feeling.

My mind flash to our first date for Mr. Biggs, the way he dey shy, the small flower wey he buy from road side. Na those moments dey pain pass.

That face I no fit forget dey in front of me, my chest just dey pain.

The ache heavy for my chest, like say I swallow stone. I dey look for small joy, but nothing come.

Everywhere just quiet one kain.

The silence choke. Na only Tega low cry dey background.

Just then, the water boil finish, so I quickly push am away and make the formula.

Na so I dodge the moment, rush go pour hot water. E remain make I pour am for my own head self.

As the baby dey cry, I just dey wish say I fit beat the papa join.

If I fit catch the ghost of Tega papa, I for use koboko flog am. Na true, wahala no dey finish for woman hand. See as I dey suffer.

If this pikin no stop, dem go soon complain for me tomorrow.

Na so my head dey scatter. I dey pray make hospital staff no vex for me.

I make the formula, feed the baby sharp sharp.

Tega grab bottle like him life depend on am, and for small moment, peace land.

Dr. Femi stand beside me, dey look me, no talk.

The silence heavy. I dey feel him eye for my neck.

This one mean say e dey vex. That time we dey quarrel, na so e dey do. I go kiss am tire before e go gree.

Back then, small fight, I go beg am with puff-puff, small hug, before he go smile. Now, e be like all those methods no go work again.

I look down. But now, I no get that right again…

The shame catch me. I just dey wish say I fit rewind time, but life no be like DSTV decoder.

Suddenly, one bad smell fill the air.

As the odor land, na so my nose wrinkle. No need prophet to know say wahala don land.

Me and Dr. Femi look each other, we know wetin happen.

Our eyes jam, and na the same conclusion we reach—pikin don drop bomb.

The smell strong like dustbin for Oshodi, even Dr. Femi face change.

His face long, nose wrinkle, like say e see dead rat for buka.

Remembering say Dr. Femi no like dirty things, I rush go ward go carry diaper.

E get as e dey do—he no dey like dirt. If to say na him old self, e for just run. I rush like say I dey Olympic.

As I come back, Dr. Femi don already open the stinky pikin diaper.

Surprise catch me. I no believe say e fit do am, but e don try start.

I softly talk, "Erm, he don poo. Make I change am."

I dey talk am with respect, no wan make e vex more. The smell strong, but na pikin wahala.

He wan bring out cigarette, but as e see me, he just vex, pack am back.

I spot the pack for him pocket, but as my eye meet am, e just squeeze face, no talk.

"I no blind."

The way e talk am, I just know say e no dey in the mood for play.

I try remind am gently, but e take am as if I dey provoke am, which just dey pain me. See as him face sour.

I try talk am slow, but e no wan hear. Sometimes, wahala dey too much for one night.

I just collect small water and change diaper for him bed. Must he take am personal?

I try manage space, clean up as I fit. I dey pray make the smell no soak inside mattress.

"If you no like am, abeg comot small."

I try beg, my voice low. Na him bed, I sabi, but where else I go go?

He grit teeth, glare at me. "Morayo, abeg remember, na my duty room be this."

As he glare, na so my eye shift. I dey nod like agama lizard.

"Okay, okay, I know. If you wan smell am, stay dey smell."

I no go let am bully me. I dey quick change diaper, try focus.

I tear open the diaper, but Dr. Femi sharply collect am. "I go do am."

Na surprise, but I gree. Make e show him skill.

"You sure you sabi?"

I no fit help the sarcasm. E just roll eye.

"Shut up."

Him voice soft, but the annoyance still dey.

I lock my mouth, watch as he fumble but still gently change the baby. Him big hand support the small yansh, wipe am with warm water.

As he dey clean, I dey remember those days wey he dey say he no fit change pampers. Now see am.

Maybe the thing just touch me, my heart just soft.

I dey watch am, my eye moist. Inside all the wahala, e still care for my child. I feel small hope, small regret.

After the change, the baby relax and sleep for Dr. Femi bed.

Tega curl like small egusi for pot, mouth open small. I dey smile, joy dey sweet me.

The pink small pikin sleep, eyes closed, my heart just sweet.

Na so my mind calm, at least for small moment. The sound of him breathing soft dey like lullaby.

Everywhere quiet. I dey play with my skirt, dey feel Dr. Femi cold eye for my body, I just dey uneasy.

I dey pinch my skirt edge, dey wonder if e go ever forgive me, or if na just old wound we dey scratch.

"Morayo."

His voice call me back from my thought. E get as e call am—gentle but heavy.

"Wetin?"

I look am, my own eye soft.

"These five years, you ever regret am, even for one minute?"

I see him eye, e red small, e shine under the yellow bulb. E dey wait my answer.

He sit down for chair, and I no sure if na my mind, but e be like say him eyes red.

Maybe na stress, maybe na old pain, but e dey serious.

I wash bottle, put am for table, look into him deep eyes.

My hand dey shake, but I gree look am straight. The truth dey heavy, but I talk am.

"Yes. You fine, get money, sabi work. I don regret since."

I talk am, my voice no loud, but the honesty dey there. E pain me, but I no fit lie.

I think say that answer go satisfy am. After all, nothing sweet pass your ex dey regret.

For my mind, I dey pray say e go smile, at least small.

But e just vex, pack the baby and bottle give me, then push me outside.

The speed shock me. Na so I carry baby, bottle, almost fall for door.

"You dey find stepfather for your son abi? When the pikin big, you go throw me again?"

Na so the words hot me. I just stand for corridor, dey look the door.

Me, outside: …

Tega just dey sleep for my hand, no wahala, but my heart dey beat fast. Na only God know say my mind no dey that place.

God know say I no mean am like that.

I carry Tega go ward, dey pray make this small peace last reach morning.

As the door close for my face, I feel cold pass harmattan, but my mind dey boil.